


Bad Audio

by stickasshoe



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE, Literal Dumbasses, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Beta, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Russian Killua Zoldyck, Sexual Tension, Slow-ish burn, Streamers - Freeform, Twitch - Freeform, angst but a lot later, body mod killua>>, teensy bit of trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stickasshoe/pseuds/stickasshoe
Summary: Kil(l) is a streamer growing in popularity without even showing his face. What will happen when Forg, a streamer with twice as many fans and experience(and that can’t spell frog), takes Killua under his wing? What will they do with months of built up tension once they finally get to meet?
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 345
Kudos: 102





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! this first chapter won’t have a lot of good plot or anything more just like a pilot tester thing. it’s really just based off little daydreams i have when i’m bored and i figured i might as well write it down maybe share it yknow fuck around have some fun. inspired by “Critical Hit” by Korns. ok this is long sorry

Intro

Killua starts his day at normal, normal being rolling off the cheap Walmart mattress onto the hard linoleum floor at 3 in the afternoon. He couldn’t really afford anything else, having to pay for his sisters college. All he had was a nightshift job at the said Walmart and a growing twitch account where he streamed everyday. Killua went by the alias “Kil(l)”. And, of course, he couldn’t afford a nice mic so his audio was always crunchy and he just skipped the camera part, remaining faceless. Yet, somehow Killua had gained a following and had been picked up and “adopted” by some bigger streamers. Now, 4 times a week he streams with Suzhi, Pika, Inkagalo, Palm tree, and Forg. Killua always looks forward to those nights when he can talk to them and see them in little squares on his shabby monitor. They all feel connected, somehow, even if they’ve never met in person and don’t even know what he looks like.  
Killua just lays on his floor, staring at the popcorn ceiling and thinking about how he gets to stream with all of them later but first he has to do laundry and go to the gym just to get some stress out. He can be productive then have fun. Killua untangles himself from the blanket that came onto the floor with him and lay there for a while longer, looking at the sunlight shining through the window onto the light gray wall. He scrubs his hand over his face and gets up, joints snapping. He reaches for his phone to turn on some music in attempt to drown out his thoughts and keeps it on throughout the “morning” as he showers and cooks and gathers his laundry into one big plastic basket. The basket being courtesy of his Walmart employee discount, which Killua takes serious advantage of.  
Killua sits on his couch watching the minutes tick by so he knows when to go get his clothes back from the complex’s basement. But then he gets a text from the groupchat that he and his streaming friends are on.

ZUSHI: is anyone up for a 24 hour stream sometime this week?? i think it could be fun. i was thinking saturday 1 pm- sunday 1 pm  
GON: I can do it !!:D  
PALM: i should be clear to do it as long as nothing else comes up  
PALM: you never know what could happen...  
ZUSHI: palm you scare me so much like wtf are you gonna get thrown in jail saturday for murder??  
PALM: keep talking and i will  
ZUSHI: /:  
IKAGALO: yeah ok not even gonna look at palm but yah i can do it  
ZUSHI: kil? kurapika?  
KURAPIKA: I am available.  
KIL: 1 pm? you bitch making me get up early  
KIL: but yeah i’ll do it  
KURAPIKA: Early? What time do you wake up everyday that 1 pm is “early”?  
ZUSHI: ok cool cool so who’s gonna tweet it  
GON: Shouldn’t we all tweet it??  
KIL: ^  
KURAPIKA: Kil answer my question.  
KIL: fear  
KIL: n e way  
KIL: 3 pm  
IKAGALO: dude wtf  
PALM: ^  
ZUSHI: ^^  
GON: Oh I know why! Kil has a job!  
KURAPIKA: Kil, you need to work on that.  
KIL: stfu  
KIL: i’m night shift dumbass i can sleep all i want  
KIL: and thank you gon for remembering  
GON: yer walcom  
KIL: i take it back  
GON: No take backs<3  
KURAPIKA: I always forget that you have a job.  
KIL: you forget about me??🥺  
KURAPIKA: I will end you.  
ZUSHI: save the murder until after the stream !! please !!  
KIL: zushi shut your ass up i will fold you  
ZUSHI: !!  
PALM: please be quiet i am busy rn  
GON: Why hasn’t anyone announced it yet!?  
IKAGALO: oops my bad lol

Killua hasn’t told them his full name, if they find out about his past he doesn’t want to loose this group, even if they’re all annoying little shits.  
Killua opens his twitter and types out fast “24-hour stream saturday to sunday with The Gang™️. pray.”  
He checks the time and gets up to go back down 3 flights of stairs to get his belongings, then back up, then leave again. But he has a certain bounce in his step, excitement. Maybe dread. Who knows.


	2. Wet Pavement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it literally just killua. mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yeah so i guess i’ll keep writing this. sorry if some things seem really random like really super random it is just me having headcanons. kil also has a teensy little nightmare so this is a warning. i also do not know how to get italics to work so i’ll just add a lil “/“ where they start and stop

It had rained throughout the night and a little into the early morning. The suns rising rays reflected against the slick road, painting a double image with cracks and bumps scattered across the surface. The streetlamps started to flicker as the time on Killua’s dusty dashboard changed to 4:48 am, his car hummed and got louder each time he gunned it over a pothole in the road. He had his phone connected to the janky speaker system, the gentle bass of a song vibrating along the sides of the vehicle. The moon was just reaching beyond the horizon, not yet out of sight to let the new day come about. Whatever secrets the moon had been told that night must have been tragic, because it’s weeping was enough to keep the roads wet to the sunrise.

Killua flashed on his turn signal for one second that turned into 10, letting the morning rush go before him. He didn’t have anywhere to be, any times to do anything by but sleep and stream. Well, he did have that one thing at 1 pm today, but he was too tired to think about it right now. It was stocking day back at the Walmart, so he spent his night hauling boxes and ladders in harsh fluorescent light. He tipped his head to the sides quickly before making the left turn, still paying attention to the way the sunlight was bouncing off the wet pavement then the road it’s self. Killua had Cuco blaring on the speakers making everything around him wavy and surreal, making his vision hazy and head swim, but in a good way. He tapped his fingers to the beat, even as he pulled into the parking lot and the song was off.

“Time changed, we’re different, but my mind still says redundant things..” Killua trailed off on the lyrics as he jangled the keychain he had for his car and his apartment. He stepped inside, closing the door and locking it behind him. His apartment was dimly lit from the cloud covered sun, it almost gave the run down place an angelic glow. Almost. He went around closing the curtains and tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter where they were left to collect dust with the empty cans and bottles haphazardly stacked. Killua undid the laces on his worn out work doc martens, the soles were rubbed out and had little to no tread left, the leather on the top beginning to tear. He tossed them to the corner by his door. Still quietly humming the song he walked to his bedroom and then to the bathroom where he splashed his face with cold water, changed clothes, and brushed his teeth. Humming a different song now, getting bored of the other. Killua flopped down face first onto the mattress that was pressed into the corner of the room, immediately regretting it. With a sharp intake of breath he maneuvered to find the wall outlet that housed his phone charger. He plugged in the little silver iphone 7 he had been taking care of for years, it’s his first phone his parents haven’t hacked into and taken all of his information and conversations and everything in his life. He loves the old thing, even though it barley works. He hastily texted the groupchat 

KIL: fuck you all  
KIL: mostly zushi

Killua didn’t wait for a reply, just set an alarm for 12:30 and rolled over with the piercings along his ear pressing into his skull, hoping for what would be an easy sleep. But hope hurts.

It is 5:30 am, and Killua has yet to sleep. It has been half an hour, and he has yet to even muster the courage to close his eyes in fear of what he’ll see when he sleep. Fear of who he’ll see. Horrified of hands held against his throat, his own hands grasping at those, fingernails torn and bleeding as he fights for breath. Warm blood snaking down along his wrists, painting a gorgeous red picture on scar laden pale skin. Scared of having to feel the same things he felt all those years ago, having to go through that torture again.

It is 6:49 am, and Killua has woken himself up out of pure terror. His hands rake through sweat soaked silver hair, letting his nails drag along painfully through his scalp. The pain letting him know his head is still attached, that he can still feel it and that it’s still there and not going anywhere, at least not anytime soon. He flips the blankets off of him, laying still once again gazing at the popcorn ceiling, breathing shaky and short. Killua reaches a hand around his neck, making sure no other hands were there. All he can feel is the scar left there years ago and two necklace chains that he forgot to take off before laying down. He holds a hand out in front of his face to count the fingers again and again and again until he can count them out loud without having his voice waver and without the motion blur effect on his hand. The tattoos along his hand, arm, and wrist barely visible in the minimal lighting. The sun is stronger now, shining through the gap in the curtains with the clouds obscuring it before now gone. Killua breathes, long and deep, before letting his arm fall back to his side and rolling over once again. Deep black consumes him as he falls into a dreamless yet restless sleep.

/Fuck./ First thought of the day! The alarm blares having had Killua’s phone charging right by his ear. /Fuck Fuck literally shut the fuck up no one asked you to be this way./ In a haze he picked up his phone and turned off the alarm, grateful to be done sleeping. He only had a couple messages.

7:00am  
GON: No:(  
GON: Don’t hate me:(  
GON: Or Zushi:(

9:06am  
ZUSHI: yeah kil don’t hate me and gon  
IKAGALO: stfu. i am sleeping  
ZUSHI: my bad g😈‼️💦  
IKAGALO: die

10:01am  
PALM: why are you all like this  
KURAPIKA: Why?  
GON: :P

Kil decides to answer the assholes

12:31pm  
KIL: end me, please  
KURAPIKA: When, where, and how?  
KIL: yo wtf  
KIL: nvm you sound way too excited i am good   
GON: We start streaming in half an hour go get ready!!  
KIL: lower your voice it is too early to be shouting  
GON: Sorry  
GON: Wait  
GON: Wait wait you can’t hear this is texting!!  
KIL: i said what i said babe

Killua pauses. /I just called him babe over text, didn’t I? I just did that. Why did I do that? That’s not okay. Watch me have just ruined everything. He might think it’s harassment. He’s gonna tell my job and then I get cancelled and have no source of income and then I won’t be able to pay for Alluka’s college and I’d have ruined her dreams and then we’d have to beg for money on the side of the road./ Killua takes a deep breath, calming down. /Pining bitch./ In his moments of panic, he missed the following messages from Gon.

GON: Oooooo  
GON: Call me babe more often! It’s fun!

Killua just looks at his phone, the screen shaking in his palms.

KIL: uhm ok  
PALM: can you feel that? can you taste it?  
KURAPIKA: Yes, sadly.  
IKAGALO: What they said^

Killua really hopes they don’t mean the ST word. (whispers, /sexual tension/)

KIL: fuck off.  
GON: ??

Killua opens spotify and puts his playlist on shuffle before doing his normal morning routine. Spacing out, shower, spacing out some more. He doesn’t have to do much before starting a stream, a perk of not having a camera. All he has to do is be able to move his arms well enough to play games and stuff with his friends, no prep needed. 

A glance at the clock, 12:59, a glance at his monitor, no streams. Wait. Another minute passes and before he knows it, Killua is in for a 24 hour stream with bad audio and even worse communication skills and he is starting it with the voice of someone who has just woken up.

“Hello?” Killua asks first, watching everyone’s faces start appearing on screen.  
“Dude, you either sound like death or the epitome of sex.” Ikagalo comments back  
“That rhymes,” Killua answers, “And its—st the mic.”  
“You cut out.” Palm comes on.  
“That’s normal.” Killua says back to her  
“Hey Kil I think your overwhelmingly sexy voice has killed frog over here.” Ikagalo moves in his chair, the sound it makes reaching the mic. 

Killua looks over at Gon’s square, his own heart rate picking up at the sight of pink dusted tan cheeks and wide honey brown eyes. He got that flustered over my voice? 

“N-no! I’m fine!” Gon quickly cuts in while leaning towards his own mic with a small giggle, “Morning Kil just has a very small accent, I could barely hear it!”

Killua always forgets they know nothing about him, well, mostly his past, but his past includes where he’s from. 

“Oh. My ba— d.” Killua says softly, trying to hide the way his voice could sound on the words.

“Oh my god? Kil, is that Russian?” Zushi looks visibly curious.  
“Classified.” Killua leans back into his chair.  
“Ok. Ok, fine. We can start the stream once everyone is ready? Pika, you there?” Zushi asks.

There is some shuffling heard.  
“Yes. I’m here and ready.” Kurapika says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will be sporadic. let me know if i should add any TW please!! thank you for reading!!


	3. 24-Hours Of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited 24-hour stream. Chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of time skipping, you can tell when I’m exhausted. Enjoy. also the little “-“ in Killua’s dialogue are microphone crackles and shit

—————————•1:46pm•—————————

The first 45 minutes have been nothing but making sure everyone is all good and ready. Everyone doing mic and camera checks, monitors too, just double checking that everything is good to go for the next 24 hours and if anything breaks or malfunctions it can be fixed within 2 minutes.

“I dunno if my mic can last twenty four hours.” Killua says with the audio crunching his voice.

“Watch, by the time it’s tomorrow no one will be able to understand a word you’re saying.” Ikagalo jokes.

“That’s a joke but i—t’s probably gonna be what’s gonna happen.”

“Kinda funny how it’s already dying.”

“Insult my mic a—gain and you’ll be the one dying.”

“Yikes ok never mind.”

“Please stop threatening eachother we need to figure out what we’re gonna do.” Zushi takes over the conversation.

“Wait, you didn’t have anything in mind when you asked us to do this?” Palm asks, shocked.

“Well you all just kinda said yes with no questions asked so I just assumed you all had something in mind.” Zushi answers her.

“I was thinking we could beat minecraft and then make a castle or something.” Gon adds.

“In all honesty I’ve only ever played Minecraft 2 times.” Kurapika has got their mic working now.

“Ok now we have to play Minecraft just to see how bad Pika is!” Ikagalo has recovered from Kil’s crunchy threat.

“I literal—ly do not care what we do. Can we just start something I am so bore—d.” Kil whines.

“Ok I’ll make the survival world, hope everyone is ready for 5 hours of Minecraft and hopefully bullying Pika into the dark depths of hell!” Zushi is very enthusiastic about that final part.

—————————•2:00pm•—————————

The Gang ™️ are 15 minutes into a new world, and it’s been going horribly! Kurapika has no idea what they are doing and has trapped themselves in a two block deep hole and can’t get out, everyone else laughs, and then dies from the mobs they keep forgetting exist.

“Dude, ok ok, you need to like-“ Palm takes a breath to laugh, “just, _dig_.”

“I am  fucking _trying_ but I am still stuck in this god forsaken hole in this cursed world why the  fuck am I still here!” Kurapika yells into their mic, causing more laughter.

“Pika, you have to  dig.”  Gon instructs. Kurapika digs down another block, more laughter follows.

“All you heathens do is laugh at me. Why is no one helping, have you no care?” Kurapika is jumping in the now 3-block deep hole.

“The only way you can get out now is by dying. Who wants to kill Pika?” Ikagalo asks. Kil jumps to attention.

“Don’t wo—rry, I’ll do it. Dear Pika, I will make your death honorable.” Kil switches to wood block.

“You are _not_ about to bludgeon me to death with a piece of  _wood_ ”  Kurapika has taken to spinning in their ditch.

“Someone make a gravesto—.” Kil’s mic cuts out as he begins beating Kurapika with the wood and their shouts drown out all other noise.

—————————•2:39pm•—————————

Gon has made a house of glass with a lovely little garden. Kil has leftover windowpanes from his cottage.

“Look,” Gons minecraft person crouches in front of Kil’s, who was putting a final stair on the roof. “Come look at my house, it’s pretty.”

“Uhm ok?” Kil questions before running after Gon. Once they reach those house Gon opens the door and makes Killua go inside.

“Sooooo, whattdya think?” Gon asks while jumping off the walls, literally.

“Silly frog, you forgot— the windows.” Killua goes over to the glass wall and breaks two blocks, where he promptly places two of his left over glass panes. Gon freezes.

“Wait,” Ikagalo starts, even though he is across the map. “Isn’t his house made of glass?”

“Yeah.” Killua replies. Gon starts laughing.

“So sorry,” He takes a breath, “For not having enough view to the outside. I’ll make sure to add more windows next time.” Gon giggles some more.

“Fuck.” It’s Kurapika!

“What did you do this time?”Palm asks, clearly already annoyed with them.

“I fell off the roof of my house and died.” Kurapika solemnly answers her. More laughter ensues.

—————————•3:01pm•—————————

A screech is heard, a loud one at that.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHAT. THE.  _FUCK_.  IS THAT?!” Palms shrill voice blared in all of their ears

“No really what is it that made you deafen us?” Ikagalo asked while holding a hand to his ear.

“A bat was attacking me then I fell into a zombie dungeon and almost died.” Palm had calmed down now.

“Sounds like something Pika would scream at.” Gon smiles sweetly, even though his words are mean.

“Fuck you.” Palms reaction 

“I am _deeply_ offended you would drop me to  that grease-creatures level.” Kurapika’s reaction.

“You should  _no—t_ be the one talking about grease, Pika.” Killua’s voice crunches out.

“I will not hesitate to fry you in my grease you faceless bastard.” Kurapika has a visible scowl when Killua looks to his square. Killua smirks and threw up a peace sign, forgetting that they can’t see him.

—————————•4:12pm•—————————

The nether portal has been crafted, it is time to die.

“Ju-st in case you die, set down a bed and tap it-t so you can respawn.” Killua does not care who falls for it, just as long as someone does. That’s when Gon and Kurapika get beds out and tap them at the same time. Two booms are heard.

“WHAT! GET MY STUFF FROM THE FIRE! WHAT THE HECK KIL!” Gon was shouting into his mic, everyone else but Gon and Kurapika were laughing.

“I seem to have died, somehow.” Kurapika is just confused.

“Thank yo-u sushi for not telling them- they would die.” Kil says once everyone had calmed down.

“Why aren’t you thanking me and Palm?” Ikagalo asks.

“‘Cause you both don’t care.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong.” Palm leans back in her chair, her camera refocusing.

“You’re welcome, Kil.” Zushi makes a heart with his middle and pointer finger in his camera.

“Is this a bad time to say I had diamonds on me when I died?” Kurapika had just come back through the portal. Everyone else remained silent.

“Did anyone get Pika’s stuff?” Zushi asked. There was a chorus of ‘no’. “Then yes, this is a bad time to say you had diamonds. Also, why did you bring diamonds?”

“I forgot to put them back when I made the sword to come here.” Kurapika is nonchalant about his tone of voice.

“Dumbass.” Killua’s mic crackled.

—————————•6:00pm•—————————

Dragon time!

“What if I just don’t do anything to fight and when you all kill it I can go stand all cool ‘n shit looking like I killed it.” Ikagalo droned while he ran behind the rest of them in the stone passageway. 

“What if we just kill you right here and then fight the dragon and don’t even include you in the efforts to get here.” Kurapika answers with a sickly sweet smile while staring into their camera’s depths.

“I don’t know if I’m scared or aroused by that.” Ikagalo answers

“Easy, tho-se are the same things.” Killua smirks even though he won’t be able to be seen.

“I would pay for some therapy for you.” Ikagalo starts of serious then breaks character and smiles.

“Been there, done that.” Killua says while rearranging his hot bar for maximum efficiency in the up-coming fight.

“Sometimes I get genuinely concerned for you, Kil.” Its Gons turn to look into his camera, almost knowing that Killua was staring right back at him. Killua doesn’t answer Gon right away, he just savors the way Gons eyes are trained on his, his lips in a loose pout. Killua just stares, drinking in the warm brown of Gons eyes.  _ Fuck. Get your head in the game dumbass, you’ve never even met the guy, and you’ve only been talking for 4 months. Head in the game. _

“Don’t be-“ Killua’s voice crackles with the mic.

“Oooooo-kay. I would love to sit in on a Kil therapy session, but can we just fight this thing already.” Palm jumps.

“I’m not waiting. Cya!” Zushi jumps into the end portal. Everyone shouts at him then follows into the portal.

—————————•6:22pm•—————————

They are all relatively out of breath after beating the game, hands sore from rapid use, voices scratchy from yelling and cheering when the green rain came. 

“What do we do now?” Kurapika asks, just barely surviving.

“Oh!! Can we make our houses all pretty now!?” Gon was very excited for this part and had clearly been waiting all day just to decorate.

“I’m game.” Zushi was the first to answer, he had probably been waiting for this too.

“Deadass gonna make a huge mansion and trap Pika in the dungeon.” Palm smirked, Kurapika looked hurt.

“Why would a mansion have a dungeon? Isn’t that a castle thing?” Kurapika asks.

“I really don’t care, as long as you’re caged I’m happy” Palm is not joking. Kurapika once again looked hurt.

Some time passes, they all make casual banter y’know, and Palm is spending her time catching Kurapika, and Kurapika spending their time running.

“Hey Kil, do you have any flowers? I used them all in my garden and don’t have any left for the pots.” Gon asked, Killua looked up at the screen to see Gon close a chest devoid of flowers.

“I probably do somewhere. Gimme a m-inute” Killua answers before going down the stairs of his cottage to the store room. He selects a couple red tulips. “Ayo I have flowers be ri-ght there.” Killua goes over to where Gon has transformed his glass monstrosity into a large farm house, but kept the wall of the old building where Killua had placed the glass panes and made it more of a greenhouse. Killua met Gon in the garden and gave him the tulips.

“Thanks!” Gon said then ran back inside. 

“Yeah, no problem-m” Killua let his mic crackle then went back to reroofing his own house.

—————————•7:02pm•—————————

Everyone was finishing up their houses and getting bored. Palm has Kurapika in her dungeons, all goals have been achieved 

“Ok I’m done can we play something else now.” Ikagalo leans back in his chair and cracks his knuckles.

“I second tha-t.” Killua says, having also finished his house and was just building a beacon tower to kill time.

“Ok, we can switch to fortnite. Maybe invite some other streamers to join for a while so we don’t actively try to kill eachother.” Zushi suggests.

“Could’ve said that  before I was taken against my will.” Kurapika scowls. Palm just smiles like she didn’t do anything.

—————————•7:05pm•—————————

Fortnite was successfully loaded up on their screens, everyone in a lobby debating on who to force to come stream with them.

“Get the uhh-“ Ikagalo snaps his fingers, thinking,” The uhh- The oreo bitch! Get mister oreo in this bitch.”

“Mister Oreo? We are mutuals on twitter, I will direct message him.” Kurapika reaches off camera for their phone. Killua looks from Kurapikas square to Zushi’s, Palm’s, and Ikagalo’s. They are all smirking. Gon is oblivious.

“So,” Palm starts, leaning into her hand. “Didn’t you and the Oreo hang out last week? Alone?” She drags out the word ‘alone’.

“Yes, we did. Why are you asking in that tone?” Kurapika looks up from their phone, undoubtedly looking at Palm.

“Oh, no reason,” Kurapika’s phone buzzed. “Would you look at that, he answered in record time.”

Soon enough, Leorio was materializing into their lobby.

“Hey! Good to see everyone again! And Kil, I believe we have yet to meet?” Leorio’s voice is booming.

“Yeah, I kind-a have yet to meet everyone, y’kno-w?” Killua laughs politely. “But yes, nice to meet you old man”

“You are so lucky we are on the same team right now, kid, I would destroy you.” Leorio scowls.

“Yeah, go-od luck with that” Killua laughs again, it too being crunchy on his mic.

—————————•7:20pm•—————————

They didn’t even get in the top 20 of their first round. It has been deemed a “test run”.

“That doesn’t even count.” Gon had his arms crossed, looking bitterly at the 28th place on his screen.

“Maybe you’re just ass at the game, man.” Ikagalo shrugs.

“Be quiet, I can fold you in fortnite and in an applebee’s parking lot.” Gon does not take fortnite insults lightly.

“Kinda kinky.” Killua drawls, twirling a hoodie string around his finger. He watches Gon pause and look wide-eyed at his camera.

“Thats- getting beat in an applebee’s parking lot is a  kink?”  Gon whispers, utterly horrified and having missed the joke. Killua holds in his laughter, trying to answer Gon first. He takes a deep breath.

“Anything is a k-ink if you put your mind to it.” Killua bites his lip, he can’t laugh until Gon realizes it’s a joke.

“Wh- wha?” Gon looks around himself and picks up a pen and holds it so it’s visible on camera. “Even this?”

“Damn dude you have the sexiest fucking pen, mind mailing it to me?” Ikagalo makes his voice sound like the fuck boy that would trip you in the halls in the 8th grade.

“How  dare you try to defile my pen.” Gon snatches his pen closer to him, like Ikagalo would jump through the screen and take it from him. That’s when everyone breaks and laughs, and Gon’s fearful face breaks into a smile.

“Don’t be fooled though, I bet someone out there has a pen kink.” Leorio adds. Gons face twists again.

“I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight knowing that.” Gon fake shudders and holds his pen closer to him.

“Good thing none of us are sleeping anyway.” Kurapika adds.

“Can we start the next round now? I, personally, am not a fan of the pen kink talk.” Zushi looks visibly uncomfortable and bored at the same time. 

“Ok, we can-“ Killua shifted in his chair, the setting sun hitting right in his eyes. “Pause, the sun is in my eyes I need to close the curtains.” He gets up and walks the few feet between his desk and bed, where the window got him. With the curtains closed he goes back to the chair and resumes.

“It’s always so fun when you say something like that, like, half the time I forget you’re a person and would have eyes.” Palm says.

“Literally.” Ikagalo agrees.

“My mind just went to what color your eyes are,” Gon looks perplexed, like his thinking of all the colors his eyes could be. His brows were knitted together in focus. “I’m guessing... green?” Gon looks up, one of the baby hairs falling from its upward position and onto his forehead, but Gon pays no attention to it. Killua does, though.

“Uh- no-pe. Not green.” Killua deflects Gon’s guess and starts the game.

—————————•11:00pm•—————————

“I cannot believe I just played fortnite with you lunatics for 5 hours.” Leorio says, then runs a large hand through his short, spiky black hair.  Kinda like Gon’s.

“And I’m sure you loved every second of it.” Kurapika smiles, the same smile they’ve had stuck on their face for the past 5 hours.

“It was mediocre, if I’m being honest.” Leorio says.

“Next time I’ll make you pay to join.” Zushi growls, a more serious tone than he’s taken all day and night.

“Oh wow, ok, jesus sushi,” Leorio frets, noticing the mood change. No one else dare say anything. “Well uh, see ya, I guess.” He leaves before he even heard all of their ‘byes’.

“What the fuck, sushi? You trying to give him a heart attack?” Kurapika asks, visibly mad.

“No, he’s just really bad at flirting with you, so I wanted him to leave faster so we can get someone else on and play Uno.” Zushi answers 

“Oh fuck yeah, Uno.” Kil mumbles into his mic.

“Mans down bad for them sexy Uno cards.” Ikagalo says from his place resting on his hand.

“Didn’t you just m-ake a move on Frog’s pen?” Killua asks.

“Yeah? What about it?” Ikagalo looks into the camera. Kil makes a face, then forgets no one can see him. 

“That’s like the 3rd time this stream I’ve forgotten you can’t see me and have to answer with words.” Killua says, trying to make his voice sound exasperated.

“I just imagine you throwing up peace signs to a wall.” Palm jokes then puts up her hand in a peace sign.

“No- no, I actually did that already. Deadass.” Killua adds.

“Please just get a camera we need to know if you’re sexy or not.” Ikagalo whines.

“I’m not getting a-a camera. It’s funner without.” Killua retaliates.

“My worst fear is that you can have your dick out right now and we’d never know.” Ikagalo shudders.

“That’s a pa-thetic worst fear.” Mic crunch

“Why didn’t you deny it. Please, deny it.” Ikagalo looks genuinely fearful.

“Smirks.” Killua says, while smirking, of course.

—————————•11:39•—————————

Kurapika had just won their 5th game of Uno in a row. Everyone is mad, all Kurapika does is flip their gold hair and sit pretty.

“Wait, how do we know who wins overall?” Gon suddenly asks while the virtual cards are being dealt.

“First one to 200 wins, wins. Starting now, so no old wins apply.” Ikagalo answers. Kurapika is glowering.

“Fan behavior.” Kurapika says.

“Does this mean we have to play 200 rounds of Uno? 200?” Zushi’s voice got higher on the final ‘200’.

“More than 200 rounds. We should be set until, at the latest, 2 am. If we’re still playing Uno any time past 2 am that’s gonna be sad.” Ikagalo is apparently making all of the Uno rules. They start the game over so Kurapikas overall wins go back to 0. 

—————————•12:00am•—————————

Uno is much more aggressive than what was anticipated.

“I will flay yo-u alive, ginger bitch. Ed Sheeran looking ass. Don’t even have to add ginger when I co-ok you, pussy ass bitch. Bet you’re gonna pull som-e warrior cats lore on me,huh? Gonna hiss at me?” Killua had just gotten a +16 from Ikagalo. He takes a break to breathe, then starts again. “I bet you piss yourself every night. You gotta wear a dia-per to bed bitch boy? You p-robably wear it just to collect your piss. You probably drink that shit, fucking radi-oactive piss. A biohazard. I bet you put your piss in your hair, that’s- why you’re fucking ginger. Is that why you’re so short? Hm? All that pi-ss you drink kno-ck you down to 4”11? I can step on you. I’ll fucking pum-mel you, octopus looking ass bitch. I’ll shatter your kneecaps then your fucking skull.” Killua leans away from the mic he didn’t know he was so close to and cracks his knuckles, satisfied. On the other hand, Ikagalo actually was about to piss himself.

“Wow. Applause, impressive, I’m turned on.” Palm is the first to say anything after 10 seconds of silence. 

“I’m so scared. I’m never meeting Kil in person now, I feel like he’s killed multiple people, maybe a couple war crimes.” Ikagalo’s voice is shaky.

“I’m focused on the part where Kil called Ink an octopus. I get the Ed Sheeran part, but that?” Kurapika asks.

“It just kinda, like, wo-rks.” Killua shrugs to himself.

“Kinda hot. I’d let Kil whisper that in my ear.” Zushi says.

“Zushi I would never, you a-re a child to me. You also don’t know what I look like so I don’t know where you’re going with that.” Killua starts off sweet and ends harsh.

“I may not know what you look like but I know that you just said you’re tall enough to step on Ink and that’s all I need.” Zushi is sitting dignified and straight in his chair, Kil can see him.

“I would hope everyone here is tall enough to step on him.” Killua says, somewhat confused, wondering if there was someone who couldn’t.

“That’s me. I’m only 5”7. Kinda depressing.” Kurapika says kind of monotone.

“I know that me and sushi are like 5”10, somewhere around there.” Palm adds

“I’m 6 foot. Just 6 foot.” Gon gives his own height.

“Ha,” Killua says dryly, the mic feed back crunchy. “I win. I’m- Wait. Should I even tell you how tall I a-m?”

“Please do, please. Give us something. We don’t even know what color your hair is.” The second time today Gon has asked about Killua’s appearance.

“Ok, ok. I’m 6”1, a-nd a half. Smirks.” Killua says smirks, just to let them all know he is, in fact, smirking. 

“Nooooo,” Gon whines. “I liked being the tallest.” 

“Wel-l get fucked, I-m taller.” Killua’s audio is bad and is getting steadily worse. 

—————————•1:00am•—————————

12 hours down, 12 more to go. Kurapika is leading with 146 wins.

“Y’know, if we did a 12 hour stream we could be done right now.” Palm says after loosing another game of Uno.

“You’re just mad I’m winning.” Kurapika huffs.

—————————•1:36am•—————————

A yawn is heard on Gons end. Kurapika is leading with 189 wins.

“I’m so tired. And cold and hungry and I just want to curl up and sleep.” Gon has pulled his legs up to his chest and rests his head on his knees.

“It’s still pretty early,” Zushi starts, “Hey Gon, what time did you wake up this morning?”

“Like, 7.” Gon yawns again.

“Why would you do that to- yourself?” Killua forgot people can just get up early.

“I like it better than sleeping in.” Gon shrugs, his dark green hoodie encasing even more of his head.

“Physco.” Killua says. Gon just smiles and holds up his hand in a peace sign.

“Can we take a snack break? Please?” Palm looks exhausted.

“We can take a snack break after one of us gets to 200 wins.” Ikagalo is very set on this 200 wins thing. Palm groans.

—————————•1:48am•—————————

Kurapika is at 199 wins, everyone else is hungry and just want them to win already.

“So, Pika, what you’re gonna do here is win. Okay?” Palm sounds utterly breathless.

“Yes, that is the plan.” Kurapika’s eyes are trained on their cards. They place down a card. “Uno.” Kurapika doesn’t appear to be breathing, neither is anyone else.

The card was a plus 2 to Zushi, but he doesn’t even get mad. Just hoping for Kurapika to win this final round. The color is staying blue all around, it’s all they can do to pray that Kurapika’s final card is blue. It is.

“Woo! Fuck you all, I’m Uno royalty.” Kurapika is awfully smug for someone who just spent almost 3 hours playing Uno.

“Yeah yeah you win. I’m gonna go get food.” Palm is the first to leave followed by Ikagalo, then Zushi, then Gon. 

“Kil, you still there?” Kurapika hasn’t got up to get anything.

“Ye-ah. I got up and got a water like 2 minutes ago, the mic is too bad to pi-ck up on my movement-s.” Killua says.

“That’s not fair, you can get up and leave at any time and none of us would know.” Gon is back at his chair, holding two comically large bottles of water. Kil doesn’t answer right away. “Kil? You there?” 

Killua answers by opening a can of Monster right against his mic. The sound alone would be loud enough to hurt, but with the mix of his crunchy effect it doesn’t even sound like a can opening.

“Yo, what the fuck was that.” Ikagalo is back in time to hear the gates of hell open.

“I opened a can, I bet it sounded lovely fo-r you all-“ Killua says.

“Jesus, I heard that from the hallway.” Palm just had a handful of granola bars and her own can of Monster.

“What? What did I miss?” Zushi asks.

“Kil summoned something.” Gon replies 

“Ok? I don’t even want to ask for details about that.” Zushi sits down in his chair with a tired expression.

“What do we do now? Or are we using these final 12 hours to have a really long podcast?” Ikagalo doesn’t know what he just started.

“Oh! Just talking sounds really fun! Let’s do that.” Gon is very enthusiastic.

“My po-or, poor mic.” Killua drones.

“I was thinking we can play Fortnite some more ‘cause that’s what we normally play, but once we get bored of that I guess we can do a podcast-esqué thing.” Zushi shrugs.

“I’m ok with that, but high chance some of us will fall asleep.” Kurapika has gone and got a blanket, now wrapped around their shoulders.

“I’m down.” Ikagalo answers.

“Me too.” Palm says, then covers a hand over her mouth to hide a yawn.

“I’m down b-ut my mic will- be broken by 1pm.” Killua twists one of the rings that are across his fingers.

—————————•4:59am•—————————

Gon has fallen asleep on stream a total of five(5) times.

“Kil, quick. Make a demonic sound to wake Frog up.” Ikagalo is a bastard who likes seeing others suffer.

“On- it.” Killua takes one of the many empty cans lining his desk and crushes it by the mic. Gon startles awake.

“Wha- what?” Gon rubs a hand over his face, his voice is heavy with sleep. Killua finds himself staring at Gon’s square once again, just taking in the way even more of his hair is flattening out.

“Wa-ke up.” Killua takes over.

“Is it time for the podcast?” Gon’s energy seems to have restored.

“Yes, it is.” Palms blanket has returned to her shoulders. She’s leaning into her hand again and her eyes are heavily lidded with tiredness.

“Fun! Ok, let’s play never have I ever.” Gon’s exhaustion is definitely throughly wiped.

“Ho-w can I do t-hat if you can’t see me?” Killua just wonders what ideas Gon has.

“Uhm just say ‘I have’?” Gon tips his head to the side.

“Ok,- cool.” Killua answers.

—————————•5:15am•—————————

Everyone had their screen mirroring off, all you could see are tired faces and hands being held up. Along with Killua’s plain black screen that would light up when he talked.

“Ok,” It’s Ikagalo’s turn to ask a question. “Never have I ever killed a man.” He asks it as a joke. Kurapika promptly puts a finger down.

“And I‘ll do it again.” They are kidding, at least everyone hopes.

“I ha-ve lol.” Killua has his own hand up even though no one can see him. But he isn’t joking.

“I can’t tell if either of you are joking and that’s what scares me,” Ikagalo starts. “I was joking, would be cool to hang out with felons though.”

“Onl-y cool thing— about felo-ns is that they al-ways have the bes-t tattoo artists and wo-uld share them with yo-u.” Kill’s mic is very crunchy.

“How do you know that?” Gon is tired once again.

“Classified. Smirks.” Kill has resorted to just saying smirks. 

“I like how that implies you have gone to their tattoo artists.” Kurapika does look intrigued by this topic.

“I ha-ve, always super f—n people. Th-ey have the b-est stories.” Killua looks down at his hand where he let his tattoo artist sign her name followed by a ‘was here:)’. There is a bird by her name too, given that her name was Canary and they match.

“Wait, so you have tattoos from the same guy that would do, like, mob bosses?” Ikagalo was also very interested.

“Sa-me woman, ye—s. I would hav— her do the big o-nes but most of- the time I woul—d do them myself.” Killua had a phase where all he would do was stick n poke bullshit on his body, it ended up looking cool though. 

“Woman? So did you two ever, y’know?” Ikagalo holds up his hands to make a  👉👌 motion.

“Afrai—d I don’t swing— that way.” Killua says nonchalantly, thinking nothing of it. Gon perks up at this, looking up at his monitor like he would be able to see Kill. 

“Twink.” Kurapika does not care.

“Just- got called ‘tw-ink’ by a twink. Gonna comm-it.” Killua jokes. 

“Kil are you down to just tell us your entire life story right now?” Palm asked.

“I’d reall-y rather not.” Killua really didn’t want to tell them his life story, but it would be fun to watch them work around the cracks in his audio.

—————————•6:00am•—————————

Everyone but Killua and Kurapika are asleep. They aren’t talking, just sitting in a comfortable silence.

“Look at the tik tok I just sent you.” Kurapika breaks the silence.

“‘Kay.” Killua watches the tik tok. “Thanks Pika.”

“You are welcome.”

—————————•6:34am•—————————

“Ho-w are the-y all asleep, I thoug-ht the first person- would knock o-ut at 10.” Killua is folded over his chair in a way that doesn’t look comfortable but actually is.

“I want them to wake up, I’m tired of listening to you.” Kurapika says coldly.

“O-fended.”

“It’s not really you, it’s just your audios gone to shit.”

“Yeah,- I expected that.”

—————————•7:00am•—————————

“How much longerrr?” Palm groans, having just woken up.

“Six hours.” Kurapika answers because Killua has fallen asleep, or was afk, they didn’t know.

“Kil? Hey, Kil, wake up.” Palm was already tired of Kurapika’s cold demeanor. Killua doesn’t answer.

—————————•7:16am•—————————

“If- anyone was ca-lling me, I was sho-wering.” Killua pushed his wet hair out of his face, rings gone from his hand.

“Little bitch, how come you can just get up and leave?” Palm looks annoyed.

“G-ood mornin-g, Palm-“ Killua smiles to no one and sits down.

“Your mic is way worse.” Palm does not look like she appreciates the crunchy goodmorning.

“Yeah, I- k—k-now.”

—————————•8:00am•—————————

“I feel kinda bad for everyone who is watching this.” Palm is twisting a pen in her hand while she taps on her phone in the other.

“I- kind-a wanna go wat-ch-ch the sunrise.” Killua ignores Palm.

“That’s what I’ve been doing.” Kurapika answers. 

—————————•9:00am•—————————

Another hour of no talking.

“How much longer will we be streaming for?” Gon has woken up.

“Four more hours. Kil has taken the liberty of not talking due to the mic issue.” Kurapika answers then yawns.

“Morn-n-n-n-ing” Killua’s voice glitches in his mic.

“Yikes. You’re gonna need a new mic.” Gon makes a face at the audio.

“Yea—h”

—————————•9:30am•—————————

More comfortable silence followed by Pika falling asleep. Just Gon, Palm, and Kil.

“Hey Kil. Tell your life story?” Palm asks again.

“It all-l-l started-d when I was- born-“ Killua begins, but then his mic shorts out, sparks and everything. /Shit./ Kil opens the groupchat to tell them about the most recent development.

KIL: mic just fucking exploded

KIL: lol

“Ha! I knew it!” Palm is laughing after looking at her phone, Gon too.

“What are we gonna do?” Gon says with a smile.

KIL: someone call me and I’ll exist through the phone

KIL: probably has better audio anyway

“Ok, I’ll call you.” Gon taps around on his phone then holds it away from him and closer to his mic. Killua can hear his phone going off.

“Hello? Is this gonna work?” Kil’s voice is clearer than it’s been all night even though it’s through a phone speaker.

“Woah. I can like actually hear you.” Gons eyes are wide as he stares at the “Kil(l)” on his phone screen.

“A lot clearer than what I was expecting.” Palm also looks transfixed.

“Don’t tell anyone else when they wake up, we can see if they notice.” Kil says.

“You icon is still there so they won’t know until you talk.” Gon.

“Cool cool.” Killua.

—————————•10:00am•—————————

“Ughhh. Is this not over yet?” Zushi doesn’t even pick his head up to ask.

“Goodmorning, Zushi.” Kil says sweetly from the smoothness of new audio. Zushi snaps his head up, either at the use of his name or at the way Kil sounds.

“H-hello? Is that a non-crunchy Kil?” Zushi is perplexed.

“His mic shorted out so right now this is Kil through Frog’s speaker phone and mic.” Palm explains for him.

“Oh, ok. Sexy voice Kil, very smooth.” Says Zushi.

“Thank you, it’s the chain smoking at 15.” 

“Once again, I want your life story.” Palm asks.

“I’m just concerned.” Gon pouts at his phone. 

“What have you all been doing? How much time do we have left?” Zushi questions.

“We’ve just kinda been sitting here, and 3 more hours.” Gon answers.

“That’s all?”

“We send eachother tik toks and say ‘thank you’ and that’s about it.” Palm shrugs.

“Rad.”

—————————•10:15am•—————————

“Can you fuckers please shut up. I am sleeping and all I hear is ‘very funny, thank you.’ Like, be quiet.” Ikagalo has woken

“You’re not even supposed to be sleeping, wake the fuck up.” Killua says

“What?” Ikagalo picks his head up. “Is that/ is that Kil?”

“Morning babe, mwah.” Kil smirks to his wall once again.

“Oh my god you just turned me gay.” Ikagalo’s mouth is open.

“You mean Frogs phone turned you gay.” Kil says. 

“Oh? Why his phone?” Ikagalo asks.

“The mic broke, like, broke broke.”

“Oh ok. Did it explode?” Ikagalo questions

“Yeah, actually.” Kil

“I still can’t get over how you sound right now.” Gon says, still looking at Killua’s shortened name on his phone.

“Thanks, love. Smirks.” Killua’s face heats up from all of the compliments from Gon. He watches Gons smile get wider at the name. Calling Gon ‘love’ felt very out of Killua’s comfort zone, but he wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip out of his hands.

“We just need to wait for Pika to wake up and then we can do something. They’ve only been asleep for a while.” Palm says, still spinning a pen.

“So we all slept?” Zushi asked

“I haven’t.” Kil

“Go sleep, now.” Ikagalo orders.

“Shut the fuck up bottom bitch.” Kil

“O-okay. Kinda hot.” Ikagalo tucks imaginary hair behind his ear.

“Debby Ryan at me one more time and I’m putting my hand through your skull.” Killua isn’t joking.

“You just crave killing me, huh?”

“Yes I do.”

—————————•10:33am•—————————

“Hey Kil,” Gon starts, “are you ever gonna do a face reveal?”

“Honestly I thought about it and I will eventually but only when the time is right.” Killua cracks his knuckles, only getting about 4 to actually crack. He has thought this out though, and he wants to do the face reveal in person, not over a photo. There is going to be a convention in a month that all of his streaming friends are going to, so he plans to surprise them there. He has marked on a calendar of when to call the event organizers and arrange what he has planned, but thats what he’s doing next week. 

“Wait, actually?” Gon seems surprised.

“Well yeah, staying faceless forever is bound to get boring. I’ve been doing this for months now, give it another month and I’ll be spinning in my grave just dead bored. And I think it would be fun to branch out on a youtube channel or something, and that would be difficult to do if I can’t exactly be seen.” Its a lot easier to talk for a while with good audio now that Killua doesn’t have to worry about hurting everyone’s head.

“Oh! When you do can we place bets on what you look like?” Gon gets excited, again.

“Do whatever you want, all I’m gonna give you is that I’m six one and a half and kinda have a lot of tattoos.” Killua spins himself on his chair, trying to stay awake.

“So, like, you have a sleeve?” Zushi is asking now.

“Two, actually. They also kinda match and they continues up to my neck.” Killua spins again.

“And you’re not even gonna tell us what they are?” Ikagalo wants to join in.

“I dunno, you wanna know that bad?” A chorus of yes, even from Palm and Gon and a suspected asleep Kurapika.

“Ok ok, vines. Like the plant, not the videos.” 

“I never pegged you as a plants tat typa guy.” Gon says.

“I wanted something that would flow easily and be able to branch out on and put other things around it.” Kil looks at his hand where a leaf from the vine just peeks out onto his hand beyond the shirt sleeve.

“What do you mean by ‘branch out’?” Gon asks, holding his fingers in air-quotes.

“I have flowers that merge with scars, leaves too. And every once in a while I get bored and stick n poke some bullshit on there. I got the vines and flowers done by a professional.” Killua feels like going in depth about the tattoos, he believes they make his ugly past kind of beautiful. Turning the scars into works of art instead of leaving them as nasty reminders. The only scar he doesn’t have turned into art is the one across his throat. He more so has that one framed than hidden. Sometimes he thinks about getting it merged with a tattoo, but decides against it, it’s the scar he wouldn’t mind being visible. The vines on his arms wrap up around his shoulders and finish right at his neck, so if you follow them from the bottom up you’ll land right at that scar. A scar that has a story behind it, a story that speaks of defiance petty yet deep. A story of sharpened blades and sharper tongues. 

“Scars?” Zushi asked. “You have that many scars?”

“Yes. Don’t ask how, I won’t tell you.”

“I’m intrigued by the random bullshit stick n pokes.” Kurapika changes the topic.

“The actual tattoo isn’t the best part of those, it’s the story behind them. Like I got a scooter on my ankle which is ok in of itself but it’s cooler if you knew I did it behind a gas station with a sewing needle I found on the ground with ink from a pen I found on the ground and sanitized it with a bottle of vodka I stole from the gas station.” This was always a fun story to tell.

“That’s pretty metal.” Ikagalo adds.

“Fuck yeah it is.” Killua replies.

—————————•11:00am•—————————

Two more hours. “KilTats” is trending on twitter somehow, along with talk of a face reveal and his height.

“I shouldn’t have said anything, huh?” Kil asks, looking through the hashtag.

“No you should have, makes everyone think you’re even sexier.” Gon puts in.

“I like how that implies everyone already thinks I’m sexy. I’m just a black screen that sometimes lights up.” Killua sounds so tired.

“And with a smooth as Tennessee bourbon voice, darlin’.” Ikagalo swoons in a southern accent.

“Up until today I was literally crunchy.” Killua retorts.

“I see you as a really hot guy in my mind, to be honest.” Thats Zushi.

“Thank you, I’m honored. But please lower your expectations so when I do show myself you’re not disappointed.” The talk of a face reveal makes everyone’s nerves jump tenfold. Being able to see the face they’ve been talking to and bonding with for a long time sounds exciting. 

“Just two more hours, two more hours then I’m free from this hell scape and can not talk to any of you for the next week.” Palm sounds tired of their bullshit.

“You trapped me in a dungeon, the second I don’t hear from you in a week I’m in heaven.” Kurapika is still salty from that ordeal.

“Stay mad.” Palm smooths her hair over her shoulder.

“I will.”

—————————•11:24am•—————————

“Hey Kil,” Gon starts.

“Hm?” Killua doesn’t feel like using words, he is too tired.

“What if I face time you?”

“I won’t answer.”

“What if I face time you at 1 am?”

“I would be at work so I wouldn’t answer, I wouldn’t answer anyway.”

“Okaaaay. What if I facetime you at 9 in the morning?” 

“See, that’s riskier, ‘cause I would be asleep and wake up when I hear my phone ring and if I see it’s a face time I would assume it’s my sister and just automatically answer.”

“Ok, I’m writing that down.”

“You’re just ruining the surprise for yourself.”

“What surprise?”

“When I do end up doing a face reveal? Just let the suspense build.”

“Awe, I was hoping for a surprise.”

“Too bad, get fucked.”

—————————•12:00pm•—————————

One more hour.

“Can we do something? Please?” Gon has taken to asking this every so often now that Killua has fallen asleep and he has no one to ask an insane amount of questions to.

“Ok,fine. Get your ass on Roblox.” Ikagalo is the only one brave enough to take Gon up on his offer.

“Heck yeah.” Gon whispers kind of loudly.

“Careful there, you almost swore.” Ikagalo jokes with a bitchy smile.

“Bro I am going to drag you in an obby right now.” Gon is serious now.

“I’m just gonna sit here and watch.” Palm says.

“Yeah me too.” Kurapika agrees.

—————————•12:47pm•—————————

“Hey! Hey Kil! Wake up!” Gon is shouting into his phone.

“How did we get frog up again?” Zushi asks.

“We had Kil create a demonic noise in his demonic but now broken mic.” Ikagalo shrugs, he was always the instigator.

“We only have about 10 minutes left, just let the man sleep and we can end the stream without him.” Kurapika tries to provide a logical solution.

“I am deeply hurt you are trying to end without me.” Killua holds a hand to his chest like they can see him.”

“You’re awake!” Gon is happy.

“Yeah kinda hard to sleep through that shouting y’know.”

“Poor thing only slept for 40 minutes.” Palm croons.

“Ew stop pitying me I don’t like it.” Killua does not like being looked down upon. 

“Just stay awake to end the stream.” Gon says.

“As soon as the clock hits one I am leaving.” Ikagalo states.

“Aren’t we all?” Palm is still very much tired of their bullshit.

—————————•12:59pm•—————————

One more minute.

“Stop fucking talking so I can see the time.” Kurapika is staring intently at their phone.

“How do those things even go together?” Ikagalo is being a rat bastard.

“Shut the hell up.”

The clock changes, it is now 1 pm.

“Oh fuck yeah bye.” Palm is first to leave, followed by Kurapika who didn’t even say bye.

“Bye!” That’s Zushi.

“Ciao.” Thats Ikagalo. It’s just Gon and Killua.

“Gonna miss this.” Gon says, the the stream ends. Killua is still on call on his phone.

“Now what? Do I have to call you everytime I stream or do I fix that mic.” Killua asks through the phone.

“You don’t have to call me just to stream, call whenever.” Gon says. Killua can’t see his face anymore, making them even.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll call you sometime, it’s cool. I will fix that mic though.” 

“Have fun with that, gonna be weird to hear you go back to the cronch after 12 hours of normal.”

“Nah this isn’t normal. I have an iPhone 7, the audio is pretty shit.”

“Then I’d love to hear you in person sometime, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s ok. It’ll be cool to see your face not in a camera.”

“It’d be cool to see your face in general.” Gon softly laughs.

“Yeah, it would. Now go to sleep.” Killua copied the same breathless giggle.

“I’m the one that slept the longest though. You go to sleep.”

“Shit okay don’t have to tell me twice.”

“Goodnight, _Kil_.”

“Goodmorning, _Gon_.”

And then they hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> projecting onto the stick n pokes lowkey. also hoped you liked being drowned in my head canons. next chapter will probably have more details nd stuff, this was just to build some banter and plot. hands hurt tho. will also be changing the overall summary of this cause i really hate it rn


	4. Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon and Killua talk on the phone kinda a lot. Then Killua has a whoopsie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips water bottle full of tap water* how yall doing today? bad? that’s good
> 
> cw:blood, s/h mention

Killua is sprawled across his bed, watching his wall where the lights of passing cars would reflect against it. It is 2:27 am on a Monday, and Killua is about to call Gon because he misses him.

_ Why the fuck do I miss him? I just spent 24-hours with the dumbass why am I like this? But he did say call any time and if I call right now that’d be pretty fucking funny. _

Killua is tracing his finger around the case of his phone, letting the cold screen ice his fingertip. He contemplates there some more, debating if he should just call Gon and lay there in the dark talking or call him to say he didn’t want to be alone doing a task.

_ But what would I even do? Wait fuck, the mic. _ Killua unlocks his phone and quickly opens it up to Gons contact where he stops, thumb just hovering over the facetime button.  _ Fuck, that could’ve been bad. _ He taps the audio button and puts it on speaker. Killua lays back down, letting the light from his phone screen illuminate the room. The buzzing can be heard from where his head is stacked on a pillow and the corners of some blankets. It rings one, two, three times before Gon answers with that oh-so gorgeous sleepy voice.

_”Kil? Hello? I didn’t think you would actually call me at this time right away, I was gonna give it a week.”_ Gon laughs that damn laugh but in a totally different tone that makes Killua’s pulse race.

“Uh-uh yeah, uh funny story, really.” Killua covers his shaky voice with a laugh- or six. “I’m gonna fix my mic and I didn’t feel like doing it, alone? Is that the right word? Without someone to bitch to while I do it.”

_ ”Why don’t you call your sister? I remember you mentioning her the other day?” _

“I would but she’s in college and has to get up early in class so I don’t wanna make her tired tomorrow.”

” _Oh cool what does she major in?”_

“Marine biology major, but likes her minor of photography better.”

_”So like whales and stuff?”_

“Yeah.”

” _I bet it was annoying to deal with the photography part growing up, she probably has a lot of pictures of you.”_

“That’s oddly specific and also so correct. It’s kinda embarrassing to look at the old photos cause I looked rough as  _ fuck _ .” They laugh and talk for a bit more until Killua remembers why he called Gon in the first place.

“Ok you are going to listen to me fix the demon mic and you are going to enjoy it” Killua gets up from his blankets and turns on a light so he can see.

” _I’d enjoy anything if it’s with you, Kil.”_ Gon jokingly sweetens his voice in a mock attempt at flirting. Or at least what Killua thought was a mock. 

“Ew, don’t be gross.” Killua tries to ignore the way his face heated up.

“ _What else am I supposed to do but make you fall hopelessly in love with you?”_

“Hmm I dunno maybe help me fix this?”

_“I can’t even see what you’re doing how am I supposed to help?”_

“Oh. Oh okay I forgot about that.”

_ “I mean unless you  _ want _ to face time—“ _

“Nooo. I’ve said it so many times.”

_“Sad. Streaks don’t hit me up. Only real ones know. Seriously don’t text me. You wouldn’t understand.”_

“What’re you gonna do if I do text you? Gonna send me a Bart Simpson edit?” Gon breaks into laughter at that.

“ _Please Kurapika used to send those to me all the time when we were younger and then they started making them.”_ Killua starts laughing too.

“Writing that down so I can use that against them if I have to.”

_ “They would literally kill you, no questions asked.” _

“No no, Kurapika would kill  _you_.”

“ _Oh heck.”_

“Lol get fucked.” Kil gets out his mic and looks at it. “Starting to think that I can’t fix this.”

_“Send me a photo, you don’t have to be in it though it would be appreciated.”_

“Ok I will but I will not be in it.” Killua swipes over from the phone app to messages where he takes a photo of the janky mic on his desk infront of the equally as janky monitors.

“ _Yeah I have no idea where to start ahaha.” Gon laughs nervously after a couple seconds of silence._

“What if I just-“ A large thwack is heard. “Open it?”

_ “Did you just break it even more?” _

“I have no idea. Oh-!” Killua spots where one of the internals had popped itself free, he screws it back in. 

“ _Did you fix it?”_ Gon asks while Killua snaps the mic back together.

“I think so, actually.” Killua connects his mic and turns it on. “Hello?” He waits for the expected crunchy mic feedback.

“ _Hi_!”

“I’m not talking to you, dumbass. I’m testing the sound.” The hello plays back in the audio everyone has been hearing for the past several months.

“ _So? Is it working?”_

“Yes it is! Fuck yeah.”

_“So now what? Gonna hang up and leave me here to not sleep for the next hour?”_

“If I’m being honest I forgot you wake up at the ass crack of dawn so, uh, sorry bout that. But I’ll hang up once you fall back asleep.” Killua pushes his mic back so it’s not on the edge of his desk and swipes up his phone before turning off the lights and crawling back into bed. He lays down and throws the blankets back over himself again.

_“Was all that noise you getting into bed?”_

“If by bed you mean a mattress on the ground, then yes”

_“I feel like your apartment is kinda really messy”_

“It is sometimes but right now it’s not”

_ “You should move out of the place if it’s really janky” _

“Nah it’s cool, and I’m paying for college anyway so I don’t have anything spare to move out”

_“Hey, maybe when you do that face reveal we can all move into one of those big houses together-“_ Gon pauses to yawn. _“It can, like, take your streaming career to a different level”_

“I’ve never heard it described as a career before, I see it as a hobby”

_“A lifestyle”_ Gon makes an annoying voice on the ‘lifestyle’, earning a small laugh from Killua.

“Yeah, we can look into that. But only if the face reveal goes well.” Gon doesn’t answer for a while. “Gon?”

_ “I’m falling asleep, just keep talking. I like your voice like this, it’s almost like I’m falling asleep next to you”  _

“Ah, uh, ok yeah. I’ll, uh, describe my surroundings?” 

_“Yeah, that works”_

“So right now I am on a mattress on the floor pushed into a corner. I have the curtains of the window above me open a little bit so I can see the moon, but that also means I can see the streetlights and the light of the cars which is kinda annoying. Uhh, the blankets I have are all white except one cream colored one. I have seven pillows all stacked and blocking the wall, the corner, and the other wall. If I lay on my back towards the ceiling, which is a popcorn ceiling breathing in cancer is super fun, then to my left there is 7 inches of wall, the door to the bathroom, then my desk where I stream and stuff. Going from there is the smallest bit of free space, then my bedroom door to the rest of the apartment. I have a couch that I stole from the side of the road and cleaned up and some lawn chairs as the rest of the furniture. No tv, it’s not needed. There are also only two pretty small windows in there so it gets pretty bitchy in the summer when the ac always breaks. Kitchen is pretty basic, nothing extra. Got a half empty fridge, empty cupboards, and a microwave that I got on sale for eightteen dollars which is pretty cool. And that’s really it, nothing special.” Killua rolls over so he’s facing his phone instead of the ceiling. “Gon?” No answer. “Ok, goodnight, sweet dreams.” He hangs up.

Killua tosses and turns all night, just thinking. Mostly about what Gon said about getting a big house and moving in together and the fact that Killua is looking at it like it’s going to happen, but he doesn’t even know if the face reveal would go well.  _ But sharing a house with them does sound really fun, and It’ll be good to get out of here before summer so I don’t have to deal with that heat. The face reveal, though. What if I just aren’t good enough? All of them are pretty attractive, even I can admit that, so would they let me join? Why do I think they’re suddenly so shallow to drop me over not being hot enough? God, fuck. _ Killua rubs a hand over his eyes, letting the pressure take his mind off of his blended stress and excitement. He makes a mental note to call the convention organizers and tell them his plan and see if they’ll allow it, he can’t even think about moving in together until he gets the all clear. At least Killua doesn’t have to ask Gon and them if they’re going to the event and give away his surprise because they’ve all already announced that they’ll be there. Well, Killua has to think about when to announce that he’ll be there too to give people a chance to their passes. That is unless he wants to cause mayhem and not even tell anyone that he’ll be going and let the staff pull the streamers to the side and surprise the shit out of them and then go sit with them on a panel to let the rest of the world see him with no warning.  _ That could be fun, so fun. But I also know they won’t let themselves be dragged away to a back room when they’re all kinda famous, so I will tell them that if that happens to let it and then not answer anyone’s questions. _ Killua flips over in bed again, heart pounding with nerves and excitement.

It is 10 am when Killua gets a face time call from Gon. At first Killua rolls over to his phone to answer, then reads the name. He ends the call then texts Gon.

KIL: almost answered that tbh

GON: I will sit here and wait for the day you do answer

KIL: gonna be sitting for an awful long time

GON: We’ll see 😈

KIL: god i hate when you use emojis

GON:  😏

KIL: nasty.

KIL: i am going back to sleep

GON: Call me later?

KIL: sure

Killua looks at Gon’s last message, thinking, then goes back to sleep.

“Hey! This is Kil I was wondering if I could arrange something for the convention that is on May, 24th? The first day of the event.” Killua is on one of the lawn chairs in his living room, using speakerphone. He pulled up his e-mail invite to the event and dialed the number that was listed. His original plan was to call on his way to work but that is 10 pm and would be way too late.

_ “Hi, I’m Stella! Great to hear you Kil. Would you mind telling me what you have planned?” _

“Yeah, sure. So I wanna do the face reveal in person, to make it funner, y’know. So I was thinking the perfect time to do it is the convention because everyone I’ve ever streamed with will be there and after I, like, meet them I can just go on a panel. Oh almost forgot to say I’d rather my friends meet me first then we go see everyone else.”

_ “Ok, I think we can make this work. There’s some free time between panels in late afternoon where all of the streamers will be off to take a break before the panel with all of the biggest streamers this year, and that would include you, Kil. I can arrange to have them go to one of the buildings back rooms where you can be?” _

“That’s what I had in mind too. You said late afternoon?”

_ “Yes, I will give you all five minutes to have your greetings before the panel starts at five. So if you’re here by 4:50 you can have five minutes to find the room and another five to talk and then the panel starts. We can give you access to a parking lot for the streamers where there is a back door you can come in through and stay away from the crowds while you find the room. Does that sound good?” _

“Yes that sounds great, thank you Stella.” Killua has been writing down all the details on a post it note so he doesn’t forget.

_“And do you mind if the staff tweaks around with it a bit to make it a bit more extravagant? Me and my coworkers are really big fans of your and I know they won’t let this go to waste.”_

“Yeah, you guys can have fun with it, and thank you.”

_“You are welcome! I’ll go inform the rest of the staff and it’ll all be ready by May 24th. Have a great day!”_

“Sick, you too.” Killua hangs up.

_No going back now_.

Killua watches his phone dial while he closes the car door behind him.

_”Hello?”_ Gon answers.

“Hey”

_ “You actually called!” _

“Yeah of course I did why wouldn’t I?”

_“I dunno you could’ve been busy or something.”_

“I will be busy in sixteen minutes”

_“Why so specific?”_

“Right now I am driving to work”

_“Work? It’s so late why- ohhh”_

“Yeah. Entertain me while I crash this thing”

_ “I would think you’re the entertainment of this call” _

“I can’t believe you would- oh bitch I know you did not just cut me off when I’m already over the speed limit no bitch”

_“See?”_ Gon laughs. _“Already getting entertainment.”_

“What? Gonna make ‘Driving With Kil’ a netflix original?” Killua cusses at a car again.

_“I would watch that, actually, I think it would be funny”_

“Then good thing you’re already here”

_“Very good thing”_

“Bitch you better speed the fuck up or I’m pushing you into this fucking wall with no remorse” Gon laughs again at his road rage.

_“When you get all mad a little bit of the russian accent comes back”_ He laughs some more.

“I don’t even care anymore, I’m gonna cut this cunt off” Killua speeds up and swerves over in front of the car that was blocking him, Gon can hear the tires screech.

_“Woah, you did cut them off”_

“Yeah I did, no mercy” Killua looks over his shoulder to see who was in the car behind him and sees none other than Knuckle Bine, a guy Killua has streamed with a couple times. Knuckle goes by “Knucks” on his twitch and youtube channel, and it looks like he’s filming a video in his car.

_“Kil? You there?”_ Killua has been too shocked to answer.

“Holy shit. _Holy shit!_ ” Killua starts laughing.

_“What? What is it? Tell meeeee”_

“I just cut off fucking Knuckle” Killua keeps laughing. Gon joins in.

_“Are you- are you sure it’s him?”_ Gon has to take a breath to laugh.

“One hundred percent, can’t mistake that haircut” Gon goes into another fit of laughter with Killua. “It looked like he was filming too so he just caught getting cut off on camera. Thank god my windshield is too dirty to see me”

_ “I can’t wait to see his new video and see if you make the cut to be in it” _

“Hold up I’m at a red light I gotta tweet this real quick” Killua opens his twitter and starts typing.

“just cut off @knucks_n_cucks on the freeway lol” Send. Killua hears Gon’s phone buzz as he gets the notification that Killua tweeted

“Awe thanks for having my notifications on”

_“No biggie babe”_

“Haha, ok, pulling into my work now.”

_“Already?”_ Killua grabs his wire headphones from the middle console so he can listen to music while he works.

“Yes, already. Goodbye _babe_ ”

_“Call you later,_ my love”

And they end call.

It’s about an hour into work when Killua gets a response tweet from Knuckle.

“THAT WAS YOU?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! ALSO WHY WERE YOU GOING 20MPH OVER THE SPEEDLIMIT?! DID YOU EVER LEARN HOW TO DRIVE?!” Killua looked at his phone and laughed for answering back.

“yes that was me don’t need to yell. hush about the speed tho, not in the mood to go back to jail”

“BACK?!” Knuckle answers instantaneously, clearly not caring they were having a conversation for the whole world to see.

“i’m not gonna repeat myself. i liked to steal cars in my youth, all good. it was in a different country anyway” Killua responds with the same speed.

“hey so i have some questions  ✍️ ” Palm is joining on their twitter fight.

“no. i am at work. let me be” Killua has been standing still for too long. He turns off his phone and puts it back in his pocket, letting the wire hang.

By the time Killua is out of work his twitter has blown up and the first rays of sunshine are making their way up the horizon. He gets into his car and then opens his phone to check twitter. It’s mostly filled with questions about jail, stealing cars, and how it implies his youth was spent in a different country. He tweets out.

“im not gonna confirm or deny anything. that is not very sexy and mysterious of me” A good response that applies to all the questions being asked without having to go into detail. Killua connects his phone to the car, letting the music flood his senses. The drivers side window is rolled halfway down, the warm air blowing his hair. He runs a hand through it to get the pieces that don’t care out of his face. He puts his hand back on the wheel, tapping one of his rings against it to the beat of the song. Then his phone gets a notification from Knuckle, asking to steam later around five for an hour or two. Killua answers with a yes without taking his eyes off the road for more than a second. 

Everything seemed to be going well, he was happy, genuinely happy for the first time in a while. Killua relaxes back, appreciating the way the sun and moon can coexist in the sky and paint a portrait of beauty and mix two worlds together rather than have them war. The moon and sun sharing a sky is all he pays attention to, that is, until his brakes give out.

_Shit, shit shit shit._ Killua’s heart starts racing and he switches on his hazards, hoping everyone on their way to their work can know to avoid him. Killua starts to pull off of the highway onto the shoulder lane where he can safely come to a stop, but it’s rather difficult to get through walls of cars.  _ This is kinda funny, tweet it. _ A part of Killua’s brain says.  _ You’re gonna die, take a photo and tweet it.  _ Another part of his brain says. However, he does have some sliver of logic left.  _ I’ve survived 8 car crashes, all of which on purpose. On the highway in LA is the last place I’ll die. _ So Killua stays calm and gets to a point where he is two lanes away from the shoulder, until a Kia Soul decides that no, we will not be surviving today.

Killua slams his hand on the car horn, honking it rapidly at the monstrosity barreling towards his passenger door at 100 miles per hour.

“This bitch better slow the fuck down. This bitch better SLOW THE _FUCK DOWN_!-“ Killua’s shout gets cut short as the bitch didn’t slow down. The Kia folds into Killua’s car, the driver forgetting that their car would be like cardboard in a crash. Killua’s passenger window shatters inward as does his windshield. He holds up his arms to protect his eyes and head from the glass and the parts of metal that are coming into his vehicle from the Soul and his other door. Killua’s janky car spins out of control into the shoulder, the brakes still not working and his momentum doubled from the crash. This time the driver side door is smashed into the guardrail, and he makes the mistake of moving his arm from the left side of his face to see where he was when a piece of glass cuts him just across the eyebrow, and would no doubt leave a scar. Killua isn’t even mad, a scar right there would look sick. The guardrail does stop him though, giving Killua time to crawl out of his vehicle and snap a photo of the Kia Souls license plate and to go ask the driver for their number and insurance.

Once that is all said and done and the driver swore they would pay for all repair costs and anything else and that they were super sorry, Killua goes and takes a photo of his totaled car. For memories, of course. And twitter.

“fuck kia souls” He attaches the photo of his car, it was a sight. Tweeted. His hazards were still on and the sun was only halfway up so the lights from his car were bright. The passenger door was barley hanging on and the windows were gone. Killua notices some blood on the steering wheel, though. This is when he does a self assessment of himself. His arms were no longer porcelain skin and black ink but covered in dozens of tiny cuts from where the glass went flying. The cuts are too small and shallow to scar, but enough to cover his arm in blood. No wonder the driver was so concerned. He opens his front camera to see if there are any cuts on his face minus the one on his eyebrow that was now dripping blood from over his brow bone, past his cheekbone and then followed the sharpness of his jawline. He turns his head. Just a couple cuts by the hairline and then a few along his ear where his piercings are. Killua’s phone buzzes, a response tweet from Gon.

“But that’s not a Kia Soul?” Killua just looks at the utter stupidity.

“no, dumbass, a Kia Soul crashed into me. the brakes in my now totaled car gave out in the middle of the highway so i put on my hazards and was pulling into the shoulder like a responsible person and the kia fucked me over”

Kurapika, however knew what Killua meant. “Oh my god, Kil, are you ok? Your car looks kinda rough for just getting hit.” Killua sends out the other tweet to Gon before responding to Kurapika.

“i’m fine. just cuts n shit. gonna have a cool new scar on my eyebrow which is pretty metal. i got hit in the passenger side so it wasn’t bad at first but then the shit spun me into the guardrail so there was an aftershock”

Knuckles turn to be concerned. “At least you’re okay. Are we still streaming later?” 

“not my first wreck and yeah”

“Kil! Do you need a ride home? Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe you should take a day off that sounds pretty rough. You’re totally ok, right?” Gon is very very concerned about the man he has never met.

“i am fine i’m making the kia driver pay for a tow and repairs so all i have to do is stop the bleeding” Killua had already called the tow truck, he’s just waiting for it.

“How heavily are you bleeding? That sounds like a lot.” Kurapika is back.

“just a couple dozen tiny cuts, reminds me of high school and middle school” Killua jokes.

“oh my god why are you like this?” Ikagalo has woken up, given that it is five am.

“my arm is literally just red at this point i am allowed to joke” 

“Please tell me that’s a joke too 😀 ” Gon is still as concerned as ever.

“not a joke, sadly. i am very much red rn” Killua sends out the tweet and puts his phone in his pocket when the tow truck approaches. He watches as his car gets hooked up and hauled as he climbs into the seat in the truck next to the driver.

“Rough morning?” The truck driver asks while handing Killua a roll of bandages for his arms.

“This is still my night.” Killua holds out his arm and starts wrapping, watching the blood start soaking through immediately.

“Sheesh, can’t imagine how tired you are.”

“Tired enough to wish that crash would have been the one to kill me.” The truck driver laughs. They sit in a comfortable silence while he drives to the repair shop Killua chose to bring his car to. Killua had called ahead while in the truck to tell them it’s completely totaled. About 10 minutes pass until they pull into a parking lot and get the car unloaded, Killua hands the man his pay in cash and goes with his car to the repair team.

“Yikes, pretty nasty. You good man?” The repair guy asks.

“I’ve done worse.” Killua holds out his bandage wrapped arms that are soaked through with blood and have gone from white to red.

“Doesn’t look to pleasant. We should have this done in 2 hours. You good with chilling here? If you gotta use a phone to call someone or call out of work then we got one.”

“I’m good with waiting here and I work a night shift, was on my way home when my brakes gave out and a fucking Kia Soul couldn’t see my hazards.

“I hate Kia Souls.”

“I hope all Kia Souls rot in hell.” The man laughs then calms down and points to a chair over by the entrance of their place.

“You can wait over there ‘til ‘bout 7:30.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Killua slips his phone out of his pocket before sitting down and reads through notifications.

“If you can’t make it to stream later that’s fine, you don’t have to.” Knuckle, 5:02 am

“nah i’ll make it” Kil, 5:44 am

“I still don’t think you’re ok and the fact that ur not answering proves it” Gon, 5:15 am

“i am fine now, truck driver gave me bandages. a real one” Kil

“I am worried that your entire arm is red.” Kurapika, 5:16 am

“still is lol” Kil, 5:45 am

“i have questions about the eyebrow cut. can we see it?” Ikagalo, 5:19 am

“deadass forgot about that and have been chilling with blood on my face. and no” Killua works to get the dried blood off.

He moves on to all of the texts, mostly from Gon.

GON: KILLLLL

GON: KIL

GON: KIL

GON: KIL

GON: KIL

GON: KIL ARE YOU OK

GON: I REPEAT

GON: ARE

GON: YOU

GON: OK

GON:???????????

GON: KIL PLEASE ANSWER I AM SO WORRIED YOU HAVE NO IDEA

GON: KIL

GON: KIL PLEASE I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK

GON: DYING

GON: DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE?

KIL: yo 

**_ INCOMING CALL FROM “GON:)” _ **

_ “Kil! Oh my god! Are you ok!?” _

“Geez, Gon, calm down. I am fine, don’t worry.”

_“I’m worrying. Mostly about that part where you responded still is to your arm being red.”_

“Yeah the blood went through really quick which is kinda cool.”

_ “That is not kinda cool I am very worried.” _

“I’m telling you to not be worried. Seriously chill out I’m fine, your suffocating me.”

_ “But Kil-“ _

“No. I’m telling you to chill out because I’m fine and don’t need any help or pity right now.”

_“But I’m still really worried because I care about you and now you’re just pushing me away when you probably aren’t fine.”_

“I’m not pushing you away, Gon, I’m fine and I’m telling you that so you don’t have to worry. I don’t want you to worry.” 

_“Kil your car just got totaled while you were in it and you probably haven’t slept in 20 hours and are bleeding out as we speak. Of course I’m fucking worried.”_ Killua has never heard Gon swear before.

“Please, just, don’t worry. It’s not worth it. You should go back to sleep. My car will be finished around 7:30 so I’ll call you back then. But right now I’m going to hang up and let you sleep. Ok?”

_“Ok. Just promise me that you’re okay?”_ Gon sounds genuinely sad.

“I promise. Goodnight, sleep well.”

_“Thanks, night.”_ A pause. _“Kil are you sure-“_

“Gon. Stop right there, go to sleep. The sun is almost up.”

_ “Ok. Stay safe.” _

**CALL FROM “GON:)” ENDED**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i like just updated but also don’t care. i have no idea when the next chapter will be out, could be in 5 hours could be a couple days


	5. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there’s a lot happening kinda.
> 
> cw:blood, minor panic attack, mild gore, mentions of s/h

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said i would have this out by 3 but it’s 3:22 and i still need to edit so like 😗✌️ dont fall asleep on me

Killua is sitting in the uncomfortable chair, bouncing his leg vigorously, letting his shoes crease. The sun is fully up by now, the roof of the repair shop just barley keeping it from his eyes. He’s spent the last 17 minutes watching the shadow of cars go by, deeply missing the wire headphones that would be in his car so he would have something to listen to. He wanted to talk to Gon so badly, just to have someone there. But he decided against it, giving in to the idea that Gon needs sleep more than Killua needs company. So when the repair guys comes around and calls out to him that his car is all good now, he jumps out of his seat and strides over.

“I was ready to shake you awake, man. Geez you look like death.” Killua made eye contact with the repair man, guessing the mix of blood, intense eye bags, and old smudged eyeliner didn’t create the most pleasant combo.

“Trust me, I feel like it.” They go over to the car where Killua fishes his keys from the deep pocket of his pants and gets in to start it. The engine purrs to life, creating the familiar hum that Killua is used to.

“It was super weird, all the parts to it were russian build.” The repair man leans on the roof.

“Yeah, I got it across on a ferry. Didn’t feel like buying a car here when I was only half fluent in english, y’know?” Killua flashes the man a smile, like he’s trying to say ‘This car isn’t even mine, I stole it:).’

“Lived quite a life for someone so young, haven’t ya?” The man laughs harshly

“You sound like all my therapists.” Killua keeps the grin on his face, trying to sweeten the words.

“You got more than one, kiddo?” 

“I’ve had four, but they all gave up on me.” He drops the grin and pats his hand two times on the dashboard. “You’ve already got the deposit from the bitches insurance place, so I’ll be on my way now.”

“Uh, yeah. Well, cya. Try not to bust that car up again, could be worth somethin’ one day.” The man backs away from the car.

“I’ll try.” Killua reaches out for the door and slams it shut. He picks up his phone and starts to dial Gon and backs out onto the highway once again while it rings.

_ ”Kil!” _

“Hey”

_“I was just about to call you! You said it would be done by 7:30 and would call me then but it’s 7:46 and you’re just now calling me.”_

“They got done a little later and I had to talk to them and stuff.” Killua runs and hand through his hair and breathes out, now that the whole ordeal is over and he’s out of adrenaline, he’s exhausted.

_ “So are you ok?” _

“I feel like I’m gonna collapse in on myself.”

_ “How far away from your apartment are you?” _

“Just about 3 minutes, not that long.”

_“I still can’t believe you aren’t seriously injured from that. I’ve only known one person who got into a car accident and he- he died.”_ Gons voice gets solemn very fast and suddenly Killua feels very bad for snapping at him earlier.

“Oh shit Gon I’m so-“

“ _No, don’t apologize, you didn’t know.”_ Killua hears Gon take a deep breath. _“But that’s what happened, so I’m just- I’m just glad you’re ok.”_

“Yeah, me too.” They sit in silence for a while, the occasional click of Killua’s blinker fills the air.

“ _So you’re streaming with Knuckle later?”_

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Good thing I got that mic fixed last night.”

_“Will you call me after?”_

“I dunno kinda in the mood to sit in the dark and listen to Mitski for six hours.” Killua softly smiles at his own joke.

_“Oh, ok.”_ Gon sounds very sad.

“No, no. I was joking. Of course I’ll call you later.” 

_“You better.”_ Killua hears Gon’s yawn through the phone as he pulls into his parking spot.

“You still sound tired, go back to sleep.” He gets his phone from where it rests in the car.

_“You’re the one that sounds tired. Your voice is almost as crunchy as your mic.”_ Gon giggles.

“Gee, thanks.” Killua keeps the phone to his ear as he runs up the stairs to his place, the echo of his boots in the empty stairwell reverberating back to his phone.

_“You go up stairs fast.”_

“I just want water so bad.” Killua takes a couple deep breaths from the run up flights of stairs then unlocks his door.

_ “I like listening to the ambiance of you just doing stuff, makes you feel more human to me.” _

“I guess I never feel that way when I hear you do stuff ‘cause I watch your channel and can, like, see you.” Killua locks the door behind him.

_“You watch my channel?”_

“Uh yeah? What else am I supposed to do?”

_“Ok yeah yeah I get it.”_ Killua throws his shoes into the corner again then goes to the fridge where he downs a bottle of water.

“Ah. Ah- fuck-“ He starts coughing on said water.

_“You okay?”_ Gon is laughing at him.

“No-“ His voice crackles into another coughing fit. Killua grabs the bottle of water and has another couple glups, the coughing subsides.

“ _Ok, are you better now?”_ Gon is still somewhat laughing.

“Yeah. All good now.” Killua clears his throat again and finishes off the water bottle. He fills it back up from the tap to keep by his bed.

_“Can you please go to sleep now?”_

“Yes, you don’t have to remind me at this point.

_ “G’night,  _ coriño.”

“Afraid I don’t know that language.”

_“I’ll let you figure it out on your own.”_

“I’ll probably forget by tomorrow. Goodmorning, _babe.”_

“ _Ha_ ” Gon says dryly.

** CALL FROM “GON:)” ENDED **

Killua looks at his phone screen before it goes black and dies. He stands there for a while longer, just looking at it, then takes it over and plugs it into the charger and places the water next to it. He leaves it there then strips off his t-shirt and tosses it in a dirty pile of clothes he has in the corner of his room before going into the bathroom.

Killua just stares at himself in the mirror, looking over his current state, thinking back to what used to be. Back to what those people made him do against his will just to keep Alluka safe.

_ Stop fucking thinking about it. Don’t. Even. Think. _

But he does, he thinks so much. Head swimming paired with heavy breathing mixed with sweat soaked skin and the all too familiar feeling of bloodied bandages on his arms made Killua think so much it hurt. He’s breathing heavy on the bathroom floor, back pressed against the cold drywall with his dirty and bloody hands corded through knotted hair, gripping his skull like he was trying to pop it. He feels his breath catch in his throat, cutting off air, so all Killua can do is sit on the cold tile floor and gasp over and over again until his shoulders hurt with the effort and his throat stung. He has yet to move his hands from his head, keeping them there as he stares intently at the grout between the tiles. He tries to keep steady, to keep his body from shaking so much that it shatters and collapses into scarring shards around him. Shards that if you try to pick up and put back together all you do is slice open your palms and let them clatter back onto the floor, back onto the piece they came from, breaking that even more. Helping and hurting and helping and hurting even more. A vicious, repetitive cycle that can’t be broken no matter what. Shattering on a cold, dimly lit bathroom floor is familiar, it’s home, but it’s dangerous. Dangerous. Dangerous. The word Killua carved into his arm when the world became too much and all he could do is regret and repent to a dead god. When all Killua could do is do what he’s been doing, because it’s too late. His head pounded against his skull, brain rattling with each heave of his chest and each choked sob he didn’t know he was letting out. He shook, and he let it happen, didn’t even try to snap out of it. Just let his head spin him these wonderful stories of all of his sins. 

** ** **Look at all the lives you’ve ended, Killu. Imagine how their children felt when mommy and daddy didn’t come home. You’re not allowed to feel bad, you have to do this. They were bad people, just as we are now.** _No no please I don’t want to be a bad person, I don’t want to do this just to keep this fucking business alive. Let me go, Illumi. Let me go let me go let me go let me go let me go. I never asked for this, I never wanted to do this. Please, stop. Leave me alone, get out of my head._

But all he sees are the dead and bloody bodies of two parents who loved their kids very much, who just wanted the best for them and got caught in a nasty business. All he sees are good people trapped in a spiders web that he had to exterminate. He sees the brains leaking from their skulls drip drip dripping onto a wooden pew in the church, the way the bodies are holding hands and stacked on top on one another, trying to protect eachother and delay the inevitable. He sees the way the moonlight makes the stained glass cast an eerily gorgeous glow on their corpses and hates himself for seeing the beauty in this gorey way to go. The pure absence of god in this hoax of a building.

_ Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. _

Killua takes a deep, shuddering breath, picking his head up from where he had it buried in his arms. He sniffles, and wipes his face of the tears he didn’t know had fallen. He gets up off the floor on shakey legs to see that 15 minutes have pass and grabs his phone and hopes is charged enough to play music in a shower so he doesn’t fall down a rabbit hole in his own head. Killua turns on the water to let it heat up then looks at himself in the mirror again.  _Even worse._ He takes a photo of his bandaged arm before unwrapping it, maybe he’ll send it to the group chat later. He slowly undoes the right arm first, relishing the way air felt against the moist, blood soaked skin. The bandage falls to the ground. He undoes the left one, this arm more bloody than the right and lets the bandage fall on top of the other. 

Killua just stands under the water for the first couple minutes of the shower, letting the water wash away all of the blood, sweat, and tears before he weakly shampoos his hair and lathers himself in soap. The cuts sting where the water meets them with soap, but Killua takes it as a welcome distraction. He lets The Smiths drown his unwelcome thoughts as he lets the boiling water paint his skin pink, waiting until his phone is back on 1% to get out. When it does hit that he just turns off the water and stands there, dripping wet, with the final notes of “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” echo strangely in the dark and steamy bathroom. Killua just puts on clean sweatpants and crawls into bed, not bothering to dry his hair or put on a hoodie. He falls asleep with damp hair pressed against his head and a blanket halfway pulled over his body, hoping that his episode in the bathroom was enough fire his nightmares had for him today, and that they wouldn’t plague him in his sleep. And they didn’t, maybe one good thing could happen.

Killua wakes to the sound of his phone ringing at 4 pm. It’s Gon.

_“Hey! Wake up! You have to stream soon!”_ Gon is back to his enthusiastic self. However, Killua is still plagued by the events of 5 hours ago, and his voice showed it.

“Yeah- yeah, I know. I’ll get up.” His voice cracks from when he over used it earlier, and still has a minor shake.

_ “Woah hey, you don’t sound too good. Are you sick? Should you cancel the stream?” _

“No I’m fine. It’s just the uh, the coughing fit earlier got me and won’t let me go.” Killua laughs dryly before sitting up and taking a long drink from the water bottle he left by his head.

_“Are you sure?”_

“Gon, I am fineee.”

_“Ok ok I get it you’re fine.”_

“Hell yeah I’m fine, sexiest bitch around.” Killua caps the water bottle then examines his arm to make sure there were no new scars before reaching up and touching his eyebrow where a scab is forming that’ll be healed into a scar within a 2 weeks.

_“I don’t even know if that’s true.”_ Gon whines, fed up with all of the descriptions of Kil but not even getting to see him.

“Just trust me, babe.”

_“I’ll try, I guess.”_

“Yikes, you sound pretty sad.”

_“I just want to be with you right now.”_ Killua freezes.  _ He doesn’t even know me, he doesn’t even know my full name. _

“Eventually you will, but not right now.”

_“Well why not right now?”_

“‘Cause that just takes all of the fun out of the face reveal.” Killua cracks his neck then gets up and stretches more.

_“Ooo! When are you gonna do that!?”_ Gons perked up. 

“Soon. Sometime in May, to be honest.” Gon gasps.

_ “It’s April! So next month?” _

“Mhm. Now let me go get clothes and breakfast.”

_“Are you- are you_ naked _right now?_ ” Gon whispers naked.

“Ah, no. No I am actually wearing pants and that is it.”

_ “Oh, ok.” _

“Don’t sound so disappointed, sheesh.” 

_ “Hey! Don’t be nasty.”  _

“Heh. Talk to you later?”

_“Yeah. Bye!”_

“Bye.”

** CALL FROM “GON:)” ENDED **

After a “breakfast” of pop tarts and monster Killua is warm and clothed and waiting for a stream invite from Knuckle. When it pops up on his screen, Killua clicks it fast and joins into the fortnite lobby with him.

“Ay-o? The crunch working?” Killua’s voice crackles out.

_“Yeah it’s working but that’s besides the point. Are you ok? Be honest.”_ Killua can see Knuckles concerned face in a square in a corner of his screen. 

“Yeah, I’m fin-e. Just a little sore here- and there. Not the wo-rst.”

_ “Are you sure?” _

“God, you sound like Frog, w-hy does no one bel-ve me when I say I’m ok?”

_ “‘Cause you sound like death dude, I can tell through your shit audio. And what’s this about Frog asking if you’re okay?” _

“Wh-t? He just calls and only asks if I’m- okay every hour.”

_“Hmm. Interesting, interesting.”_ Knuckle has a smirk on his face.

“I’m glaring at you r-ght now.” 

_“I didn’t do anything.”_ He throws his hands up in a surrender.

“Yeah, ok. Start t-he round bitch

They play normally for a while, joking around and shouting until Knuckle changes topics.

_“Hey Killll,”_ He drags out his name.

“Hm?” Crunch.

_ “So chat has a lot of questions and to be honest I want the answers to these too.” _

“Thanks, alre-dy nervous.”

_“So can I, like, ask you?”_

“You can but I’m n-t gonna answer the ones that I- don’t want to answer.”

_“Ok, makes sense.”_ Knuckle pauses and looks off to the side at his chat and asks the first question he sees. _“Are you gay?”_ Killua laughs harshly.

“N-o hesitation. Uhm yeah, though. Yes.” Kil steadies his voice on the final yes.

_“Ok cool, me too. Next question-“_

“Wait, how invasive a-re these gonna be?”

_ “Kinda a lot, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” _

“Oka-. Go.”

_“Next one, okaaaay here! Where are you from?”_

“Cla-ssified.”

_ “I was really expecting an answer for that one though! Wild.” _

“Shrugs.”

_“Okkkk let’s try again. Uhhh oo! How many car accidents have you been in?”_

“Counting today’s that would be ni-ne. Pretty sure i-ts the first crash I haven’t done on p-rpose.”

_“Woah, kinda morbid lowkey. Why did you just crash cars?”_

“Oh! It was a class-ic sunday night activity. It’s- my revenge against god, really. I would stea-l a random car and crash it to see if god w-nts to spite me or put me out of my misery and each time he spi-tes right back.”

_ “What the fuck?” _

“I s-id what I said.”

_ “Are you- are you gonna give us more details or?” _

“N- I’ll space out the details so- I stay interesting. I will say it’s only fun with the right p-laylist. Ever almost die- to that one part of Exit Music b-by Radiohead? Shi-t hits so good.”

_“Wow ok. Uhm next question-“_

“Hurry.”

_ “Thanks for interrupting, god. Why were you in jail?” _

“‘Caus- I stole cars and crashed them.”

_“Is that all?”_

“One o-ther thing- no, two- but then I would be jailed here t-oo, no so.”

_“You’re pretty freaky, Kil.”_ Knuckle smiles warmly at his camera.

“Fr-eak in the shee-ts ,my man.” Killua alters his voice to sound like a fuck boy, Knuckle just laughs. About 20 minutes of playful banter passes before Killua remembers his question.

“Oh he-y I forgot to ask earlier, did you manage to g-t me on video?” Killua is slightly worried about this.

_“When your bitch ass cut me off? Then yes, I did. Only, like, your outline though. From what I could tell rewatching they video is that you are a reckless driver and have fluffy hair.”_

“Ok, I _ha-d_ to cut you off. Who eve-n drives that slow on a fucking freeway?”

_“Sane people, Kil. People who follow the laws. Now is your hair fluffy or not?”_ Knuckle glares into his camera.

“Laws are bor-ing and yes, my hair is actually kinda fluffy.”

_ “Thank you. It’s was kinda cool to see your cars final moments alive.” _

“It’s still alive. Bitch can still c-ut you off.” Killua smirks to his wall before resuming the game.

It’s 6:30 when Killua starts feeling the effects of only getting four hours of sleep and realizes he has to leave for work in a couple hours and should probably nap so he doesn’t fall asleep at the wheel.

“Shi-t man, Ima go. Gotta get a nap in so I don’t wreck again.” Killua leans back in his chair, spine cracking.

_ “Pleaseee don’t wreck again that’s just embarrassing.” _

“Won’t be em-barssing if I die.” Killua smirks and watches Knuckles expression change before rushing out a hurried ‘bye’ and leaving before the other man could say anything.

Killua stands up from his chair and goes back over to his bed, where he tries and fails over and over again to sleep. No matter what he does, Killua cannot fall asleep.  _Fuck this._ He gets his phone out again and dials Gon.

_ “Hey Kil, what’s up?” _

“I can’t fall asleep for the life of me. Just start talking and don’t stop until I stop answering you.”

_“Uhm ok? Why choose me to call though?”_

“You’re my favorite.” Killua isn’t lying, but he also desperately wants to sleep.

“ _Hehe, okaaaay, I guess I will.”_ Gon doesn’t start talking.

“You gonna talk or what?”

_“What do I talk about?”_

“Anything, if you don’t feel like telling a story then just read something. Just please hurry up I want to sleep and I’ve been wallowing for the past hour just trying to fucking sleep.”

_“That doesn’t sound fun.”_

“It’s not. Save me, dear Gon.”

_“Oh! I know! I only have one scar down my bicep and stuff so I’ll tell the story about that.”_

_“Sounds cool.”_ Killua shifts in his bed, curling himself around a large pillow even more, the blanket get tighter and pressing against his back.

_“Ok so I think I was about eleven or something when I got really bored and tried to climb the tree that all the other locals on the island told me not to climb ‘cause of how sharp the branches are and how tall it is yadda yadda- oh wait, I don’t think you know where I’m from. Ok pause for a background story you don’t have to answer,”_ Killua smiles to himself, listening as Gon already gets off topic. _“So I’m from this super cool tropical island called Whale Island and I was literally the only kid there so it was like literal torture whenever I would get bored and have nothing to do, so I would go explore the forests and stuff and make friends with all the wildlife. Oh! This one time I had made friends with a baby bear and, like, raised it myself. And when I went back to the island last year like a month before you started stream the bear, I forget his name which is kinda rude of me but whatev, remembered me! So when I went into the forest and whistled this giant bear just came running towards me and it was really cool. Oh so the island is like super secluded and we didn’t even get tourists half the time, just fishing boats looking for help or somethin’...”_ Gons voice trails off into the air as Killua falls into a deep sleep, enjoying the way that Gon is getting this detailed into a story just for him. Killua makes a mental note to ask about his scar later because he wouldn’t be staying awake to when Gon remembers what his original story is and tells it. So Killua lets himself drift off, dreaming of a warm beach and hikes in a beautiful forest with Gon, watching him interact with his natural elements.

The alarm goes off at 9 pm, Gon having hung up 2 hours ago.  _Why the fuck did I call Gon?._ Killua rolls to his phone to turn the alarm off then roll himself onto the ground so it would be easier to bring himself to wake up and get ready for work. The Walmart shipping area isn’t fancy, it’s just a big garage that’s always open so every once in a while a druggie peeks around the corner looking for a fight or for some coke, most of the time it’s both, but Killua doesn’t let himself look entirely dead. He just does his waterline in black pencil and smudges it out, and puts on a couple rings and necklaces so he can have something to jingle and to play with when he’s not using his hands. He also uses his headphones wire as a sort of accessory, choosing to make it look good rather than make it look like it doesn’t belong. Killua gets up off of the ground and makes sure his phone is plugged in before he turns on music and turns it up the whole way so he can hear it from his room to the small kitchen where he’ll make buttered noodles for dinner then head out. First he goes to the bathroom though where he washes the grease from his face and outlines his eyes.

“Ow. Fuck. Shit.” Killua accidentally pressed his hand against the metal pot that’s holding boiling water. He strains the noodles on the inner edge of his sink then dumps them in a bowl with butter and some cheese. He grabs his phone along with the charger from his room and plugs it into the outlet on the kitchen. Killua sits on top of his counter while eating and scrolling through twitter. He absent mindedly taps his foot along to the alternative rock playing. Blonde hair, black lungs by Sorority Noise. He moves his head along to it with more vigor at the chorus of the song, remembering that one time he chose to play it while crashing a car on one of his sunday night rituals.

Killua pulls on his boots, his pocket heavy and jangling with his keys, phone, headphones, and pocket knife all in there. He slams his foot into the boot, getting impatient with how long it was taking to get them on even though they were heavily worn in. His wrist hurts where he was holding the leather steady. Killua runs down the stairs and keeps the same pace as he goes to his car and unlocks it. He throws himself in the car and was about to call Gon for some company, but remembered it’s one of his streaming nights and he wouldn’t be able to talk. Killua’s mood goes down at this development, but that’s fine, he just opens spotify and rolls down the windows to let the wind fluff out his hair. Gunning it 20 miles over the speed limit Killua gets to work on time, he left late :P. He untangles the headphones and plugs them into his phone and then one in his ear, tucking the other with his phone into his pocket. He has to be able to hear. 

Killua is two hours into hauling boxes off of trucks when he gets a call from Gon, he checks the time before answering and knows that he’s still streaming, so Kil plays it cool. He slides the answer bar and puts his phone back in his pocket, letting the large piece of plastic by his mouth be the “phone”.

“What is it? I’m kinda busy right now.”

_“Nothing much really, just felt like talkin’ to you.”_ Killua can hear the smile in Gons voice.

“Oookay? Aren’t you streaming right now?”

_“Yeah, it’s cool. Chats cool with it. Right?”_ A pause. _“Yeah.”_

“Is that all?” Killua moves another box off the truck.

_“What? Is it not cool to call you at work?”_

“No no it’s fine it’s just, I’m at _work_. I have to _work_ , you have to carry the conversation, babe.” Gon giggles at the joke pet name

_ “Ok, ok, I will. What are you doing right now?” _

“Moving boxes ‘nd shit. The usual. Maybe something cool will happen.”

_“What sort of cool things happen on a Walmart night shift?”_ Gon sounds like he doesn’t think the job could be fun.

“You under estimate how entertaining druggies are at night. I watched a crackhead literally drag my old manager. Twice.”

_ “Wait? Really?” _

“Yes really. Watch me have just summoned a druggie that’s gonna be here in a sec trying to fight.”

_“And how often does that happen?”_

“Once a week, I’ve invested in a pocket knife.”

_ “There are so many things you do that worry me.” _

“Really? Same here.” Killua looks up from the truck after seeing movement in the corner of his eye. What do you know, he _did_ summon a druggie.

_ “So what are you doing now?” _

“I’ve called upon a druggie and now I have to fight it.” Killua whispered.

_“Are you actually? That’s kinda cool, I guess this a good night to have called.”_

“Hush.” Killua spoke to Gon. “Ayo! Crackie! You gotta get off this property dude!” Killua yells to the woman who’s hunched over by the garage doors, grasping into the brick wall with shaking hands.

“D-do you have an- any.” She mimics shooting up with an empty syringe. Killua could just barley hear her, given how far away she is.

“If any of us had drugs to share we wouldn’t be in a Walmart night shift! Now could you leave?!” Killua shouts so she’d be able to hear.

“Are- are you sure?” She fumbles her way into the garage. Killua starts forward and removes the nicer tone from his voice.

“Ma’am, leave. I don’t wanna have to call anyone.” Killua looks behind him to see where his coworkers are. One by the phone mounted on the wall, ready to call the police and the rest just watching for fun. This is the first time someone so frail has tried to come inside.

“I need-d it.” Her teeth chatter despite the rather warm 70° weather.

“Hey, listen to me. _Leave_.” Killua claps his hands in her face, hoping she gets the message.

“Outa my way, boy.” She shakes the syringe at him and hobbles forward some more. He reaches over his shoulder at the coworker who already had their hand hovering over the nine on on the keypad. He can take care of an old lady.

“Ok, so we’re gonna do it this way. I’m gonna take this,” He slips the syringe from her fingers and tosses it over his shoulder and grabs a broom. “And I’m gonna sweep your ass out. ‘Kay?” Killua smiles a bitter sweet smile and starts to guide her out with the stick, she follows.

“You’re far too g-gorgeous to be so rude.” She shakes her finger at him like an actual grandma.

“Can’t say the same about you!” Killua quickens his pace and pushes her out of the garage and then through a shorter expanse of parking lot until shes off of the property line. She speaks up again.

“Wasted looks for a minimum w-wage cunt.” She huffs and waddles away, Killua doesn’t answer, he just takes his broom and walks quickly back to the garage where his coworkers already tossed the syringe out of the property. They do an intentional monotone cheer for him when he comes back. Killua just says thanks and sprays the broom with a disinfectant. Gon speaks up again for Killua to hear.

_ “Wow, you got called hot twice by a druggie.” _

“Yeah, a druggie, a druggie I was about to knife if she brought that syringe anywhere near me.”

_“Awe, c’mon Kil, you wouldn’t hurt an old lady.”_

“I would. I believe in equality. Unless you, Frog, are ageist?”

_ “Uh oh, why do I feel like you just got me cancelled?” _

“Dude, I just got myself cancelled.” Gon yawns.

_ “Ok, you can go work or whatever now. G’night, coriño.” _

“Goodnight, _babe_.” The line cuts, Killua’s music resumes. He finishes his work for the night with no more run ins and drives home safely and knocks out into sleep relatively fast.

Killua hears the familiar sound of a facetime call at 9 am that woke him up, thinking it’s Alluka, he answers. It’s Gon.

“Wha- ah! Fuck!” Killua tips his phone to the ceiling and hangs up, cutting off the sound of Gon’s laughter. Killua texts him.

KIL: i can’t believe i actually fell for it

KIL: so? what did you see?

GON: It was too dark to even tell:(

GON: And you were covered in blankets. Everything but your eyes:((

GON: I saw the cut across your eyebrow pretty clearly tho. Very metal. And the shape of your eyes, I couldn’t tell the color.

KIL: ok good. i want the surprise to stay sex

GON: How is a surprise sex?? And can I tweet this??

KIL: i dunno just kinda is. and yeah do whatever.

GON: Thanks! 😘

KIL: stfu i’m going back to sleep

Killua gets a twitter notification from Gon. 

“I did it! I caught Kil at a dumb enough hour to get him to answer a face time! I did it! And I literally couldn’t see him! This is so heartbreaking to me. I didn’t even get to see what color his eyes are. Just the eyebrow scar, it’s pretty cool”

Killua answers him. “eyebrow scar cool asf don’t even try” He sends out the tweet then puts his phone on do not disturb and goes back to sleep, pulling the blankets back up to his face and letting his body relax into the mattress to be shrouded in sleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to add the religious trauma in there, my bad. my wrist hurts. i’m going to sleep. will probably have another chapter out by tomorrow tbh


	6. Smooth As Bourbon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kil gets a new microphone! Very sexy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no cw this time, just the occasional horny bitch moment yeah yeah

Killua wakes up naturally around the normal time of 3 pm. The sunlight from his obscured window casts a single golden line across his room, dust particles in the air visible as they float in the sunlight. Killua puts his water bottle where the sun is coming in from on the window ledge, so it would make his room look like a glass rainbow. He stretches while still laying down, relishing the way his arms barley sting despite the cute and rolls himself toward his phone on the dusty floor.All of his notifications are from 9 am, when Gon called him, but Killua isn’t sure if that’s a dream or not. He opens twitter and deems it to be real. 

He looks at all of the replies that Gons tweet saying he saw Killua’s face got. Mostly questions that Gon can’t answer because Killua was shrouded in blankets and the darkness of his room. He decides to answer Gons question to him about why his eyes looked so dark and prominent.

‘that’s the old eyeliner tbh’ He tweets and leaves it at that, no more questions that he’ll answer. Immediately, he gets replies to the tweet all circling around the same topic of “he’s gotta be so fucking hot”. Killua just watches them come in, knowing he’s taunting everyone for even typing the words eyeliner. The response from Gon floats to the top of the replies.

‘I stg when we meet in person you are doing my eyeliner.’ Killua answers in the most obnoxious way possible, just for fun. ‘b-but what if i’m not pwetty enough for u 🥺 you’d look even hotter than you already are next to me 🥺🥺🥺👉👈 no take backs??? 🥺✨🥺✨ ’ The first response is from Zushi.

‘there is so much to unpack. 1, please tell me this is satire, please. 2, so you think frog is hot??;). 3, eyeliner. sex god, literally. 4, this one is for frog, don’t take it back. dont do it.’ Killua answers. ‘i am honestly hurt you think i would drop that low’ Then Ikagalo’s broken ass responds. 

‘maybe if i wear eyeliner i can get as many bitches as kil without showing myself ever again’ Killua replies with, ‘stfu ed sheeran cosplay, stay mad’ Ikagalo, ‘fan behavior 💅 ’ Killua, ‘yeah. finna fan your dusty ass to the sun’ Ikagalo, ‘so you think i’m a star?’ Killua, ‘i think you need to burn’ Ikagalo, ‘ok yeah you win’

Killua taps around on his phone a while longer then gets tired of laying in bed so he gets up shower and make breakfast, which will once again just be pop tarts. He looks through the small window in the bathroom while the water warms up as it pounds against the thin, white plastic. He watches the cars go by, not sure where they’re going. He thinks of all of the people in those cars, living their own lives, seeing themselves as the main character. All those people are in their own lives right now, not just side characters to Killua’s life. All of those people are different, and unique and Killua just barley manages to wrap his head around those people just living as much as he is. The melancholy feeling makes Killua’s heart pound with anxiety for no real reason. He realizes he was lost in thought for too long when the bathroom suddenly gets too steamy to breathe.

Killua is on the couch in his living room scrolling through his phone when he gets a call from Gon.

“Hello?”

_ “Hey! Wanna stream with me in like 4 minutes?” _

“Uhhh, sure? Why 4 minutes?”

_ “‘Cause it’s 4:26 and I want to start it at 4:30, duh.” _

“Yeah cause I was just supposed to assume that.”

_“Yes you are!!”_

“Wow, thanks.”

_“Go get on so I can invite you, hurry.”_

“Ok, ok.” Killua grabs a monster from the fridge then goes over to his desk.

_“Hang up so the mics don’t have double feedback.”_

“I was gonna do that already dumbass.”

_“Don’t be mean.”_ Gon drags out the syllables in ‘mean’.

“You kill me sometimes.” Killua hangs up, seconds later he sees Gons stream start then an invite pop up.

_“Hey?! Kil? You there?”_ Killua opens his can into the mic and watches Gon rip off his headset. Killua’s laughs are contorted by the mic.

“Ye-h, I’m here.”

_“That hurt.”_ Gon makes a face at the camera with wide eyes and pouty lips.

“I do not know what you mean, I -m merely staying hydrated-“ Killua smirks to the wall once again.

_“Sometimes I forget your voice won’t sound as smooth on here as it does over the phone.”_ Gon frowns more.

“I have the opposite with y-ou. Phone audio sounds normal but thi- sounds like you’re in the room with me.” Killua pushes his bangs back and uses the cheap headset he has to hold it back.

_“I’m this-“_ Gon holds up his hand like this 🤏 . _“close to forcing you to give me your address so I can mail you a better mic.”_

“Go for it, as l-ng as I don’t have to pay.”

_“Wait, really?”_ Gon looks surprised, like he wasn’t expecting Killua to give in.

“I give no fucks a-nymore. I’ll text you it ri-ght now.” Killua picks up his phone and opens his and Gons messages, where he types out his buildings adress and then his mailbox number then sends it. Gons phone buzzes two seconds later.

_ “Holy cow, you actually sent me your address. There’s even a google maps link.” _

“Why would I lie?” 

_“‘Cause now I can just show up at your place whenever I want.”_ Gon grins mischievously.

“I’d ha-ve to let you in for that to happen.”

_ “Awww, but I’m your friendddd.” _

“Too fucking b-d.” 

_“I guess I have to buy a mic and mail it to you now?”_

“If you want.”

_“I do! Let’s mic shop.”_ Gon pulls up the site where he bought all of his current supplies and opens the mic category.

“Why the fu-k are they so expensive?” Killua widens his eyes at the cheapest mic being $50.

_“I don’t care, I’m getting you a good fancy one.”_

“My neighbors are go-nna rob me if they think I can affor-d to spend $100 on a microphone.”

_“Want me to get you a security system too?”_ Gon opens a new tab.

“I don’t nee-d it, no.”

_“If you get robbed I’m gonna feel so bad you have no idea.”_

“Frog, chill. Th-anks but I don’t need a fucking security system.” Gon makes a face at his camera.

_ “Are you sure-?” _

“I am glaring at you right n-ow.” 

_“Save that for the bed.”_ Gon jokes and then winks, but clearly no one else saw it as a joke.

“I- I’m sorry, save it- save it for the what?”

_“That was a joke! I’m joking!”_

“I nev-er said I was opposed.” Killua’s heart is racing, the lengths he goes through to be funny are a lot but when joke hits too close to home... Gons face turns light pink.

_ “Ah! This is family friendly Kil! Nasty!” _

“Ch-ll, chill. I was joking. Unless you don’t want me to be joking-“ Gon cuts him off while frantically waving his hands.

_“No! I want you to be joking! Unless you weren’t joking-“_ Killua’s turn to cut him off.

“No, no. I w-s joking. Unless-“ 

_“No more ‘unless’. Unless-“_

“Save your breath f-r later, babe, you’ll need it.” Killua sweetens his voice like they do in movies. Gons face gets more red, as does Killua’s.

_“What- What did I say about being nasty!”_ Killua laughs, the sound echoing weird.

“Ok ok, I’ll stop.”

_“Thank you. Ok, so, the mic?”_

“Ye-h.”

** Meanwhile, on Zushi and Ikagalo’s stream... **

“Yo, we just missed it. Everyone is saying they just made sex plans.” Ikagalo takes a break from their project and checks his phone.

“Seriously? Go get some footage from that so we can add it to this.” Zushi cuts together some footage of Killua and Gon having rather romantic banter and adds little captions to them. “We’re already on our third, ten minute compilation, how much more can their be?”

“A lot, apparently. Frog just bought Kil a $150 mic.”

“Jesus. Please tell me someone has this and can send it to us?”

“Just got it, looks like they just go back and forth with ‘unless’ for two minutes then Kil reverts back to nasty and they stop. Pull up their stream on one of your monitors.” Ikagalo taps around on his phone.

“Ok, doing it now.” Zushi moves his head to focus elsewhere, and soon the stream audio of Killua and Gon playing fortnite starts up.

_ “Dude, on god I will beat you so hard in this round.” _

_ “Oh really? Wh-t else will you do? Hm? Pin me- against a wall, maybe? Or would you rather be pinned?” The familiar crunch of Killua’s audio is heard. _

_ “Kil!” _

“Please tell me you got that.” Ikagalo says while sending Zushi the footage from earlier on Kil and Frogs stream.

“Yeah, I did. I did not expect that when everyone was saying they’re kicking it up a notch.” Zushi has an excited smirk on his face as he imports the footage into his editor.

“I think we’re going to have to make a lot more than just three compilations.”

“Yeah. We’ll be here all night folks!” 

“Geez man, don’t sound so excited.” 

** Back to Killua and Gon... **

“Ikagalo and Zushi are up to s-mething, just got a thing o-n my phone.” Killua swipes open his phone to see screenshots of his two friends making compilations of him and Gon, and posting them under the alias of a youtube channel called ‘KilxForg4ever’.

_“Oh my god, you seeing this?”_ Gon seems to have opened the same tweet.

“Yea- unfortunately.” Killua decides to respond to the tweet, seeing that it’s gaining attention. ‘never thought i’d have to hate crime zushi with ed. disappointed 😔🤚 .’ Gon responds to the tweet, too. ‘Dark days, dark days. Betrayal. My tarot cards didn’t lie 😔🤚 .’

It’s three days later when Killua opens up his mailbox and sees the box containing an overly expensive microphone sitting there.  _Damn. That’s pretty funny. Tweet it._ He holds the box in his had and takes a photo of it. He types out, ‘bitch wasn’t joking’ and attaches the photo. It’s too late when Killua realizes no one has ever seen his hand before, and the tattoos and rings are a turn on for literally everyone. He’s holding the box in a way so he can make a peace sign with his hand and not drop it and cover his address with his thumb. The visible tattoos on the back of his hand are the messily stick n poked words of “DRIP OR DIE” and a much neater “Canary was here” with a heart and a bird. There are two little stars he let Alluka put on there and then a half faded “UwU” that he did as a joke expecting it to fade a lot faster. The back of his left hand looked better, given he was right handed. His first response was from Palm.

‘currently loosing my shit over the drip or die thing’ Killua answers. ‘i wanted it across my knuckles but it hurt to move my hand like that to make it work so i had to settle:/‘

‘Can we get matching rings!?’ Gons response. ‘as long as they’re not wedding rings i’m down’ ‘Awe:(‘

‘kinda tempted for you to give me a tattoo tbh ngl tbh shrug’ Ikagalo’s reaction. ‘deadass? i’ll give you one dw’ ‘wait i’m so fucking pumped now you have no idea. how much experience do you have??’ ‘my kinda first job was in a tattoo parlor. i was the guy you’d see do mob bosses in movies nd shut’ Killua’s actual first job was the family business, but he tries to block that out as best as possible.

‘Would you mind doing that to all of us? I wouldn’t mind, it looks fucking sick.’ Kurapika. ‘was not expecting you to want one but yeah i’m down’ Killua hopes he still has his old skill, it’s been about two years since he’s done one. He makes practicing stick n pokes on himself the plan for tomorrow’s stream, today’s stream is going to be with Gon, Zushi, Ikagalo and the new mic. 

Killua turns off his phone and goes back to his apartment with the mail clutched in one hand, first thing he does when he gets inside and locks the door behind him is call Gon and have him there while he sets up the new mic to have it ready when they stream in 15 minutes. The dial tone rings once, twice, then answers.

_ ”Hello? What is it, Kil?” _

“You’re here to help me while I set up the mic.”

_“Ah! I can’t wait to hear you clearly for the first time ever!”_

“Yeah yeah now shut up and listen to the ambiance, _babe_.” 

Killua takes a knife and opens the big box first, then takes out the box holding the actual microphone. He rips that one open and glances at the directions quickly and decides it’s simple enough. Screw the thing on the thing, plug it in, do a check and you’re all good. So that’s what he does. Killua slices the plastic off of the big metal part and then does it again to the smaller metal part. With a quick screw together it is now just one larger metal mass. He undoes the twist tie from the cord and unplugs his old mic and plugs the new one in.

_“Ya done?”_

“Actually yeah, I think. Just need to make sure it works.” Killua leans into the mic. “Hello?” He listens to the feedback, in awe of how crystal clear it sounds.

_ “And? Does it work?” _

“Woah.”

_“This is so mean. I can’t wait to hear you over it.”_

“Oh I’m definitely not gonna talk the whole start just so when I do give in the reaction I’ll get out of you is even better.”

_“Sheesh, Kil, didn’t know you were into edging.”_ Killua freezes at Gon’s knowledge of what edging is.

“Gon! How do you know that?! Don’t be nasty!” Gon just laughs at him.

_“You underestimate me. I’m gonna hang up, hear you in a minute.”_ The line cuts, Killua sees three streams merge into one and then he gets an invite to join.

“So, Kil, you gonna talk yet or what?” Ikagalo is the first to talk.

“Please just say something, these two seconds have been too long.” Zushi looks visibly exhausted, having spent his night doing other _activities_. Killua decides to play around, so he opens the groupchat and does not care that Palm and Kurapika are in it, mostly because they are no doubt watching the stream.

KIL: hmmm i dunno

“Killllll, please just talk alreadyyy.” Gon whines.

KIL: doing it right away is no fun

“For the love of god just say penis.” Ikagalo.

KIL: wtf no why would i say that

“I dunno just kinda the first thing in my head.”Ikagalo shrugs.

KIL: nice to know you keep dick on the mind

“Eww Kil stop.” Zushi has his phone opened.

KIL: ok ok

KIL: ready?

“Just talk! Speak!” Gon sounds exasperated.

KIL: if you say so

“ _Hey_.” Killua drops his voice to a sultry level, letting it drag out.

“Holy shit. I just nut.” Ikagalo’s eyes are wide.

“Woah, woah, oh my god. Why were you hiding this from us?” Zushi is equally as shocked.

“Not my fault.”

“Fuck you for still sounding hot and not even trying.” Ikagalo crosses his arms, Killua laughs. Gon has yet to say anything, still processing the ‘hey’ and then the laugh.

“Without fail, you always break Frog.” Zushi seems to have noticed the way Gon still has his mouth open and is staring into Killua’s black square.

“Say,” Gon swallows. “Say it again.”

“ _Hey, Gon._ ” Killua drops his voice to the smooth bourbon it was in the beginning, using Gons real name instead of his alias for a better effect. Gon has melted.

“Gon, I did not know you had a name kink.” Ikagalo’s turn to poke fun at Gon.

“More like a Kil Kink.” Zushi adds to it.

“I would love to have my own kink, probably really cool.” Killua talks some more, Gon collapses farther into his head. 

“Ok! I’m all good now. Get on fortnite.” Gon’s usual demeanor has returned, Killua can’t allow that.

“Anything for you, _babe_.” Gon melts once again, Killua relishes the way his eyes shine just when he hears his voice.  _I wonder what he would do if I whispered it against his lips- yikes._ Killua snaps out of his horny thoughts, saving it for a later date.

The stream lasts three hours, mostly just getting used to the new quality and how Gon would freeze up every so often when Killua would mutter “little bitch” under his breath when he gets mad at someone in the game. But all good things have to come to an end, and Killua has to go to work. He cracks his neck and back and hands once his screen goes black and sits there for a while, day dreaming of Gons flushed skin, and how nice it would be to see him so flustered in person. Wondering if the pink would rub off on his fingers if he caressed Gons cheek, wondering if the shade would change under the moonlight. He wonders how deep the shade can go, if he can get it a bright red on tanned skin. He wonders how he would do that.  _ Probably if I whisper in his ear, trace my hand across his skin, trace my lips down his throat. I could follow the curve of his body. His fucking body, all muscular and shit, and lick along his V lines. God, I want that man to submit to me, I want him on his knees begging for me. **I want him**. _

Killua scrubs a hand over his face, knowing he’s probably blushing just as bad as Gon was earlier. He gets up and splashes his face with water before having a snack so he doesn’t get sick during work. He just walks around his apartment dreamily, head elsewhere. With every song that plays from Killua’s phone he creates a scenario in his head with Gon to it, whether that just be driving together or in a big, elaborate ball room, with a dazzling crystalline chandelier and sparkling tile floors. He doesn’t pay attention when he burns his toast and then his eggs and doesn’t pay attention when the taste makes his face unvoluntarily twist up. Killua just dreams of Gon, hoping for May 24th to come faster.

Once in his car, Killua clears his head of Gon to avoid crashing again. But that doesn’t stop him from playing hard rock at full volume as he speeds down the fast moving freeway. He’s aware he’s probably the most annoying person on the road with music that loud but he doesn’t care, it fucking slaps. The bass guitar rattles up through Killua’s bones, the rich and emotion filled vocals make the hair along his arms rise as his brain gets that happy tingle it does when a song is just so good. He just bobs his head along when needed and follows his everyday route to the Walmart garage. He parks in his designated parking spot and sits in his seat for a minute, skin still prickling. Killua has unknowingly driven faster than usual so he has two minutes to mess around on his phone before he absolutely has to go in. So he slides his phone out of its stand and sees himself mentioned in a tweet from Knuckle.

‘so I’m filming on the freeway again, like 10:00, and i hear the loudest fucking music, so loud the air was vibrating, and it gets louder as i see none other than @kil_l ‘s janky ass car speed by me. so kil what you’re gonna do is tell me what song that was cause shits kinda fire’ Killua is glad he was driving too fast to be seen, his windows were clean now so it would be easy to see him on camera. ‘serotonia by highly suspect, thank me later’

Killua untangles his wires and plugs them in as his gets out of his car and heads into work. 

Killua wakes up to an incoming call from Gon at 11, he answers and puts Gon on speaker so his phone can stay on the ground and Killua himself can stay on the bed, under the blankets. 

“Hello? What is it?”

_“Hey Kil! I’m grocery shopping right now, didn’t feel like being alone. Oh and Kurapika and Leorio are with me but they’re being annoying and affectionate or whatever.”_

“Are they dating now? Is it official?”

_“I dunno, I’ll ask them.”_

“Gon if you don’t know don’t ask that’s a bad idea-“ Killua is cut off.

_“Hey! Are you guys dating?”_ Killua hears Gon ask Leorio and Kurapika but Killua hears two different answers. A yes from Leorio and a no from Kurapika.

_“I just thought what we did last night would make it official- It’s official when it is.”_ Killua can faintly hear Leorio start and Kurapika finish an argument. 

_“They aren’t.”_ Gon says, Killua can just barley hear footsteps as he walks away.

“Yeah, I can tell.” They are on the phone in silence for a while, Killua trying very hard to keep his eyes open.

_“Should I get milk chocolate or dark chocolate?”_ Gon asks him suddenly.

“What sort of question is that? Milk chocolate, duh. How dare you even consider getting dark chocolate.”

_“Well dark chocolate is healthier so-“_

“Ima stop you right there. It does not matter, we’re all gonna die, just get the milk chocolate. If you don’t mind send some to me too.”

_“Oh I can just get two bags and drop one off at your mailbox thing.”_

“Really abusing the privilege of knowing where I live.”

_“It’s fine, I’m just giving you chocolate.”_

“Afraid you’re a little overdue from valentine’s day, babe.”

_“Better late than never?”_

“Yeah ok.” Killua yawns, pulling the blanket up farther so it wrapped over his neck.

_“Oh I’m so sorry! I forgot that I woke you up! You can hang up and go back to sleep if you want.”_

“Nah it’s good, just keeping shopping. I’ll be here so you don’t have to deal with Pika and Leorio fighting. _I’ll be here_.” Killua repeats himself.

_“Thank you,_ coriño _.”_

“Mhm.” A couple more seconds of silence and trashy grocery store music on Gon’s end.

_“Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?”_ Gon asks.

“Just get both.” 

_“You’re gonna make me fat.”_

“You’ll still be hot.” Killua is mumbling at this point, just saying whatever’s on his mind.

_“Your hand is pretty hot.”_

“Thanks, grew it myself.”

_“I would hope so. Would be cool if you stole someone’s hand though.”_

“Been there, done that.”

_“Can you show me your hand collection one day?”_

“Can’t, I burned it.” Killua’s voice gets more slurred and groggy, tiredness setting in with the comfort of Gon’s talking.

_ “Awe.” _

“Yeah.” Killua’s awareness fades off, he’s pretty sure he kept talking to Gon for a while before he totally fell asleep. 

When Killua wakes up again later that day, there’s a text from Gon reminding him of the chocolate he left in his mailbox. Killua goes to get it as soon as he reads message, just to see if Gons kidding or not and there it is, in his mail box. A a large bag of on brand milk chocolate pieces with a hand written note from Gon taped to it. In big, looping, yet messy hand writing, it read; _Have a good day, coriño. <3_

Killua doesn’t take a photo, he wants this for himself. He tenderly traces his finger over the writing, feeling the subtle indent from the pen used. There’s a soft smile on his face, paired with a feeling of joy. His heart beats fast yet steady, he has butterflies but they’re not uncomfortable. He likes this, this feeling from Gon. It feels right.

_Maybe, just maybe, I’ll let this feeling continue._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be... inch resting. i’ll get it out as soon as i can hang in there babes. Thank you to ILeftMyOvenOn for the compilation idea<3


	7. Stick n Poke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua has energy and does stuff, Gon just has questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now listen, i’m not trying to romanticize smoking but sometimes it is really hot. if you don’t like that kinda stuff feel free to read around it.
> 
> cw: blood, needles, smoking, homophobic language

Killua is on top of his kitchen counter again, reading Gons note over and over again for no reason while eating the chocolate. He hangs it on his fridge using the tape that had been used to attach the note to the bag of chocolate. While he remembers, Killua googles what coriño means, getting either “sweetie” or “darling” or “a term of endearment.” He smiles at his phone and then looks back at the note, smiling more.

The platinum blonde bitch boy thrums his fingers against the kitchen counter, thinking of what do to. He’s taking a break from streamingfor long periods of time today, choosing to let himself rest after the one too many slip ups of letting himself be seen. He’s just going to stream for half an hour, that’s it. He already told anyone they don’t have to tune in cause it’s just going to be him, the ratchet tattoo gun he made when he was 16, and a whole lot of background music because he didn’t feel like talking. Killua keeps thinking, though, of things to do until then. That’s when he thinks of the thing he’s done daily for years but has been skipping for quite a while now, the gym. A place to let out his energy and pent up aggression without ruining his security deposit.

Killua opens his closet and takes out the shoes he would wear to workout, given that working out in docs would just like hell. While it’s open, he takes down the cardboard box labeled “PAST LIFE lol” and sets it on the ground for later when he has to dig in it to get the stink n poke 3000. He stares at it for a while, forgetting majority of the contents of the box and realizing it smells like cigarette smoke. Kil just really hopes he doesn’t find too many drugs, although he can admit to himself that if his oui’d stash is still there he’d put it to use eventually. Maybe he’d smoke a bit and go on with his friends, see what sort of incriminating things he’ll say.

Killua puts on high socks and switches his gray sweatshirt for a thinner black one, and then dark gray shorts. He uses a couple bobby pins to pull back his hair on the sides, keeping the bangs there because they aren’t as heavy. Kil also realizes his hair has gotten a lot longer than he remembers, and makes a mental note to cut it before May 24th. He cracks his joints some more, downs half a bottle of water, and sprints down the stairs to his car as quiet as he can in attempt to keep old skills sharp.

The car is hot, sweltering even, having sat in the sun all day with its black interior and exterior. Killua starts it and puts his hands on the wheel before ripping them away just as fast, the heat burning his palms. He shakes out his hands as his phone connects to the car’s bluetooth and music automatically starts, then stops again as it cuts into his ringtone. One of his daily calls from Gon, Killua reaches to his phone on its stand and answers the call.

“Hey! What’s up!?” Killua’s energy is over the top for some reason.

_ “Woah, are you ok? Something happen?” _

“No no I’m fine I’m all good. Why’d you call?” Killua’s hands still have a slight shake, he’s letting the steering wheel cool down before trying to drive again.

_“Oh I just got bored and felt like calling you.”_

“Cool cool. What’re you doin’?” Killua presses the tip of his finger to the wheel, it burns for a second, then fades into a light tingle. He takes this as a sign that it’s cooled down so he wraps his hands around it and forces himself to hold on, even though it burns, and wait for it to stop.

_ “I’m laying in bed, just woke up. Kil are you sure you’re ok?” _

“Dude I’m fine,” Killua puts his car in reverse and twists around so he can back out. “I just feel really pent up all of a sudden so I’m going to that one really janky gym where I can beat the shit out of a punching bag and maybe fight someone.” He pulls out of the parking lot and onto the freeway again, he’s only a couple minutes from the gym.

_“What? Fight someone? And you work out?”_ Gons voice sounds shocked.

“Yeah I workout, kinda always have. And at the shitty gym you can sign up for a fight and go into a ring and just beat it out, no rules. Super fun to watch, funner to be in the ring. I’m reigning champion with six wins zero losses, haven’t been there in a while though so maybe someone beat me. Shit, I just told you more about me.”  _ How is it I never say anything about me but manage to over share so so much? _

_“I’m just,”_ Gon takes a breath. _“So you could like, beat me up?”_

“You’re asking if I could dominate you? I don’t know, really. I probably can if you’re willing to be submissive.”

_ “I like how you immediately changed it into sex terms.” _

“Just how I roll,” Killua turns on his blinker and then pulls into the gym parking lot, swerving around potholes. “Thanks for the chocolate by the way, I didn’t think you would actually do it.”

_“You’re welcome, hope it didn’t melt.”_

“No, it didn’t. But I am parked now, so uh, cya,” Killua pauses. “Thanks for the note, too.”

_“Yeah, you’re welcome. Bye.”_

“Bye, call you later.” Killua hangs up and puts his head in his hands, choosing not to exist for a second before taking his phone and wires out of the car with him.

Killua’s been at the punching bag for ten minutes splitting open his knuckles before he’s approached by the gym manager.

“Aye! Silver! You’re back!” Killua hasn’t even given the people here his nick name, so he was given one. It’s not the worst name that could’ve come about.

“Yeah, been preoccupied.” Killua lets off some of his english accent, sticking with a good equilibrium of Russian and American.

“You’re still reigning champ ‘round ‘ere, man. You wanna sign up for a fight?” The managers hand rests on Kil’s tense shoulder, even as he moves aside and gestures towards the arena they fight in. Killua does not like how touchy he is.

“Sure. Sign me in for one.” Killua bounced from foot to foot on his toes, itching for a scuffle.

“Easy there bud, don’t fight me now.” The manager laughs, the booming noise giving way to italian roots. 

“Mhm, I know.” Killua nods, keeping his answers short. His eyes stay trained on the manager and he walks away and writes ‘SilvEr’ on the sheet by the ring, the E being capitalized for no apparent reason. The dim fluorescent lights reflect on the shiny concrete, the managers shadow blocking the floor from gleaming as he walks away.

A new guy to the gym goes over to the sheet where Killua’s ‘name’ had just been written. A couple older members of the gym knew not to fight the long standing champion, but the new guy just wanted the title of beating a champ. The New guy didn’t look easy to beat though. He was built sturdy, with large muscles and a lion tattoo on his bicep, as well as dirty blonde hair made into a buzz cut. The only tattoos visible on Killua at the moment were all of his shitty, faded stick n pokes on his legs, and a single leaf from the vine that made it over his shirt collar. And, of course, the ones on his hands.

Killua met him in the ring. The floor of it was white turned cream, with the occasional bloodstain on it. The flooring had a slight bounce to it, making it easier to move around. There’s a light above the ring, the brightest one in the room, that was turned on after the new guy put his name down on the sheet by Kil’s.

“You’re the champion? You? The twink?” The new guy taunted him, yet Killua remained silent, just keeping intense eye contact. He kept his blue eyes tied to the other mans swampwater green ones.

“C’mon buddy, answer me.” He threw up his hands. Killua stayed mute.

“Answer me, dammit!” He was yelling now, drawing the attention of other people in the gym. A crowd has gathered to watch the fight, all while Killua never broke eye contact and never said a word. The man, however, had had enough of the silent treatment and lunges forward, swinging. Killua does not flinch from where he stands, he just side steps the mans punch and grabs his arm, twisting with a strength you wouldn’t think he had. A loud crack is heard as Killua snaps the arm, the man cries out in anger and pain.  _I don’t mind beating the ever living shit out of assholes._ Killua side steps again and let’s the man catch himself on one leg and one arm.

“You gay mother fucker. You’re gonna regret that.” He lunges forward again, his one working arm outstretched and reaching for Kil’s throat.  _Oh, ok, we’re playing messy I guess._ Killua ducks and starts swinging at the assholes face, and hitting hard. Killua is treating the man like a human punching bag, but one much more satisfying to hit. Killua can feel it in his knuckles when his blows knock out a tooth or break his nose, he can see the way the blood drips down the mans face and onto his own hands. Kil could finish the fight right there with a swift punch and knock the guy out, but that’s no fun. Instead he backs off, letting the man get back to his feet. He’s holding his working arm up to his face, pressing against the blood spilling everywhere. He doesn’t even try to talk to Killua anymore, just glaring at him with eyes red from popped blood vessels.  _Break his fucking ribs._ Killua bounces on his feet some more, ready to try his newly refined kick on this dumbfuck. He gets himself ready for it while looking the man in the eyes still. However, Killua decides to speak.

“Stand straight.” His voice is thick with a Russian flair, not even trying to hide the accent. The man looks surprised for a second and does stand up straight before rasping out words of his own.

“Oh, so now-“ He’s cut short. Killua threw himself forward into the kick, his heel landing right in the mans ribs, easily breaking at least two. A chorus of “oooo” goes through the crowd as the snapping sound echos. The man goes flying towards the elastic bands at the edge of the ring before loosing consciousness and falling out of the ring, onto his head, onto the concrete floor.

Killua remains the champion, seven to zero. 

At this point Killua would sign himself up for another fight, still having a good amount of energy, but he has to do his little bitch boy shit and go stream. He swallows thickly and jumps out of the ring, hands dripping in blood and his entire leg throbbing as well as his arms, but he felt good. The stinging of his muscles were very welcome to Killua. He goes towards the manager who was watching from behind a desk.

“I’ll be back tomorrow. Have more people willing to fight.” Killua means it.

“Will do, brother.” The manager claps Killua on the back before he leaves the building. _Yuck. I swear his nasty ass hands are sticky._ He rolls his shoulders back and opens the door out of the place, back into natural lighting.

The car is hot again, but not as bad as before. Killua can touch the steering wheel and not be cooked. Kil slides the bobby pins out of his hair and cords his fingers through where they were, his hair thick with sweat, then drops them into a cup holder. He puts the keys in ignition and calls Gon, now that most of his energy is out and his adrenaline is fading, making the split knuckles feel a whole lot worse. He taps his fingers on the wheel as it dials once then answers.

_“Hey! Are you ok? Did you fight anyone?”_ Gon doesn’t wait for Kil to answer before starting to ask questions. 

“Yeah I-“ Killua pauses to clear his throat, his accent too prominent. “I did, bitch didn’t even land a hit on me, pretty sure they called an ambulance for ‘em.” Killua pulls out and starts to hear sirens the second he mentions it.

_“You got someone hurt that bad?”_ Gon almost sounded sad that Killua would do that.

“It’s all cool, he was homophobic anyway so breaking his ribs felt like therapy.” 

_“Geez, Kil.”_ The sirens get louder and Killua speeds off so he doesn’t get caught in traffic. _“Are you ok at least?”_

“Just split open my hands, I’ll be fine.” Killua looked at his hands and how his blood had already finished welling up and began to form a scabs. He clenches his palm into a fist, watching the scabs split and bleed again.

_ “Aren’t you tattooing yourself in half an hour? Will you be able to?” _

“Oh yeah, I’ve done tattoos in way worse condition. This one time I got beat so badly literal layers of my skin was hanging off and I was bleeding everywhere and really thought I was going to die so I tried to get a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ thing done in time before I died but I passed out while trying to spell ‘resuscitate’. I think Alluka managed to get a photo of me like that before freaking out and trying to help me.”

_ “What?! Who beat you up that badly?! It sounds like you got whipped!” _

“Well yeah, I did get whipped. And I’d rather tell you who did it in person than over the phone.” Killua turns on his blinker to pull into the comlex’s parking lot.

_“Ok, I’ll make sure to ask then.”_

“Oh yeah, what’s the story of your scar?”

_“I’llyou in person, too. Ok?”_

“Ok. I’m back home now, I’ll call you when I’m done streaming.”

_“Ok, I’ll be here.”_

“Thanks, bye.”

_ “Bye.” _

Killua starts the stream while he’s still walking around his apartment, gathering materials to do a stick n poke but revamped. He already has some music faintly playing for the background and his windows open for car ambiance so the people who watch his stream aren’t bored to death.

“It is going to be so, unbelievably chill today. If anyone feels like taking a nap just get comfy and fall asleep to this or something. I’ll probably only tell, like, two stories.” Killua calls from his bathroom where he’s tearing it apart looking for any type of alcohol, isopropyl or rubbing. He finds isopropyl first so he grabs it and leaves the bottle on his desk, before going to the kitchen to get a roll of paper towels. He slams down the roll by the alcohol and sits, turning up the music by two clicks.

“If anyone wants the song name just know this entire playlist is just Cigarettes after sex, Current joys, Cuco and Peach pit. None of the hard rock today.” Killua crosses his right ankle over his left thigh and lifts up the box into his lap to open it. First thing he sees is one of his old skateboards broken in half, under that are two knives, his old favorite sweatshirts, a plastic baggie of rings that he takes out and puts by his existing rings, a gun with a dent in a barrel that he should probably get rid of, a half shattered bong, a lot of overly pretentious books like Dante’s Inferno and The Communist Manifesto, their pages were thickened with other pieces of paper whether it be something Killua wrote or a letter. At the very bottom he finds the shabby tattoo gun and ink to do the tattoos in, they were rolling around in a corner along with old lighters and a half empty pack of cigarettes. Killua is disappointed that he didn’t find the weed but can make do with the sweatshirts that he takes out of the box and puts on his floor to wash later. He takes out the tattoo gun with the ink and places them on his desk, looking at the objects in the sunlight.

“Deadass this thing is disgusting and I really don’t feel like washing it. Gonna draw a dick in the dust.” Killua actually draws a smiley face, looks at for a second, then places the thing onto a paper towel and gets another one to put alcohol on to wipe it down. The paper towel exposes shiny, black electrical tape that is holding the entire thing together.

“To be honest, when I made this I bought one of those vibrating things from a sex shop and somehow it made a working tattoo gun. So,” Killua switches it on, the vibration going up his hand into his arm and filling the room with a soft hum. The needle on the end shakes vigorously, black stains on the tip from so much use.

“Damn, fucker still kicking.” He twists his wrist around to check for anything loose in the gun before committing to the tattoo and shaving some off the hair on his leg off to see if he still has it. The guns all good, as good as it’ll get. Killua gets another end of the paper towel wet with alcohol and wipes down the needle and then his skin, deciding to keep his right leg where it was over crossed over the other. He takes the pocket knife he always carries with him and does off with the hair with that, a trick he learned from a friend that was older than him. Kil taps the needle into the ink, then pauses.

“Uh, what do I even tattoo? Don’t say a dick.” He looks to the chat where he sees the word ‘dick’ fade out into ‘frog’.

“I dunno how to draw a frog but I’ll try.” Killua sets down the gun once again and grabs a pen where he draws on a short, fat, frog.

“Ok sick, I guess I can draw a frog.” He turns the gun back on and rests his arm against his knee for stability. Killua brings the needle to his skin, watching as it pricks open his leg and small bits of red blood replaced with black ink. He starts with a quick outline of the frog so he can wipe it down and not have to redraw it over cuts. With a deep breath he slides the paper towel over the tattoo, barely wincing at the sting. The ink smears with accents of blood so he goes over it again, making the area neater.

“Why did I think this shit was gonna be hard?” Killua taps the needle into ink again and goes over the faint lines, going slower to make sure the ink sticks. It’s a tedious process, making it halfway through a line, ink, more line, ink, another line, ink. By the time Killua is finished with the outline his back already hurts enough to be done forever. He wipes it down again, the line now clear and bold, so he moves onto the facial features. With a slow movement Killua does the circle of the first eye, taps the ink, then fills it in. As he goes on, the more and more familiar the process gets, the way his hand holds the gun and the sting of the needle. Only thing different is the lack of smoke, Canary taught him that if you have a cigarette then your hands will steady out and it’ll be easier to deal with the pain whether you’re tattooing yourself or are in for a long session. He thinks about the half a pack in the box, and the Malboro reds in his kitchen drawer. Killua taps the ink with shaking hands, realizing it might be a better idea to grab one after looking at the wavy lines compared to his old perfectly straight lines. He does the other circle for the eye, feeling the stinging vibration in his bones. He lifts his hand up to get ink again and pauses, eyeing the box.  _ God, fuck, fine. Sorry, Allu.  _

“Pause, I needa grab something.” Kil rolls his chair over to the box and finds a loose cigarette easily, having come out of the pack. He grabs the lighter that was relatively close toit and rolls back to his desk, placing the cigarette in his mouth and lighting it.  _You sir,_ He takes a long drag, _are a fucking dumbass,_ he breaths out in a cloud of smoke that blocks his vision. Kil picks up and turns on the tattoo gun again, then taps it in ink to return to his spot on his leg. Filling in the circle was easier, the sting reduced and the shake in his hands gone. The frogs dopey smile is a smooth, steady line compared to the rest of it. The room clouds in a thin layer of smoke, reminding Killua of the days where he would lay on his back watching the smoke move while trying to ease the pain. The days he couldn’t even bear to hear his own breathing and his skin was slick. The days where he would suck up his cries of pain and let himself be beaten, when his saving grace came in the form of car crashes and a cancer stick. Killua’s music cuts to his ringtone, scaring him out of his thoughts. Gons name is across the screen of his phone, taunting him. Kil answers anyway. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Killua holds his cigarette between two fingers and taps off the ash on a corner of his desk to sweep off later.

_“I know you’re streaming I’m just reallyyyy bored.”_ Gon sounds like he’s laying upside down.

“Yeah, I can tell.” Killua pauses to take a drag then talks through the smoke. “Any suggestions?”

_“For a tattoo?”_

“Yeah.”

_“Uhmmm,”_ Gon pauses, the sounds of his movements making sounds to Killua’s phone. _“Oh! An old, really crushed up, plastic bottle of water.”_

“Why do I feel like you just gave me the first thing you saw?” Killua takes the knife and shaves off more hair. He grabs a new, alcohol soaked paper towel and wipes off his skin then the needle of the tattoo gun again, just barely remembering to draw the design in a pen first.

_ “I feel like it would match your personality!” _

“So to you I am an old, crushed up water bottle?”

_ “Well if you put it that way it’s not sentimental. It’s just that people want to keep you around, even if you’re a little rough around the edges. But you can still hold water just fine!” _

“O- oh, thanks, I guess.”

_ “Mhm!” _

“Ok it’s down in pen.” Killua takes a long pull again.

_“Wait, you’re actually gonna do it?”_ The buzz of the makeshift tattoo gun starts.

“Yeah? You told me to do it and I, uh, I like how you gave it value. So yeah, I’m doing it.”

_“Can you send me a photo when you’re done?”_

“Sure.” Killua takes a short puff and dips the needle in ink and begins the outline of the bottle, making sure all of the jagged edges look natural and the small bit of water at the bottom looks like water.

_“Are you not even gonna describe the process to me?”_

“Could’ve asked earlier. I just did an outline with one ink tap so I can wipe it down and not worry about redrawing the pen. Now, I’m gonna do the lines slow and deep so that the ink really stays and looks strong.”

_“Going over again sounds like it hurts.”_

“You can numb the pain or deal with it. Canary, my artist slash co-worker, always said cigarettes always numbs the pain and steadies your hands. And she’s right.”

_“You smoke?”_

“I was a lot worse back then, whole lot worse. Down to once a month.”

_“That’s not good,_ coriño _.”_

“Yeah yeah, I know. It started out of spite and spiraled.”

_“You do a lot of dangerous stuff just for spite.”_

“A lot of that turned into doing it for fun,” Killua pauses to take a long drag again. “Boom. All done.” He wipes the paper towel over the tattoo once, twice, and deems it neat.

_“Rad. Send me a photo?”_

“Taking it right now.” Killua’s phone captures the red skin framing black lines, he looks at the photo for a second to make sure nothing else but the tattoo can be seen before sending.

_“Wait that looks, like, really good. I was not expecting a legit tattoo.”_

“How dare you underestimate me.”

_“I just- it looks really cool.”_

“Hell yeah it does, but what isn’t cool is my back hurting right now so I’m done.” Killua takes his right leg off of the left and stretches his arms over his head, snapping joints.

_ “Yikes, really hoping you didn’t just crack your back that much.” _

“I did, not the best feeling in the world.”

_“What are you gonna do now?”_

“End stream and take a nap, duh.” Killua finishes of the cigarette with a couple short drags then puts it in the pile of ashes so it goes out.

_“Are you really gonna nap?”_

“Mhm, I recommend doing it.”

_“I don’t like naps, they feel icky.”_

“Wow. I’m offended.”

_“Ah! Sorry I-“_

“Dude I was joking, cya.”

_“Ohh. My bad, but bye! I’ll call you later.”_ Gon hangs up. 

“He’s literally so fucking stupid. But uh, stream over. I’m tired.” Killua clicks the end button and watches his screen flood with fun graphics then shut itself down. The sun shines brighter in through the windows, setting. His room is painted gold once again with an angelic look of smoke floating around. It swirls in the air when the limp breeze makes its way in the window then carries the smoke out of the same way it came in.

Kil rolls on his bed, blankets pulled up to his chin. His whole body aches, knuckles burning more than the rest. His alarm is set for nine, when he has to wake up and go to work. He just has to sleep, close his eyes and drift off to a world where nothing exists but feels so very real.

But before Killua knows it, the date reaches May 22nd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger:)
> 
> drink water


	8. 22 23 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rain can be a bitch. So can suspense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall are gonna hate me for this one
> 
> cw: blood, alcohol?? should i warn that?? i will

It’s raining. Gray clouds move swiftly across the sky, blocking the sun. The water pours down relentlessly, flood warnings blaring onto phones of all kinds. The streets are devoid of cars, yet rivers of rainwater sweep away pebbles and dirt from the asphalt. Trees and bushes alike are blown harshly by the wind, being stripped of their branches and leaves. The rain moves with the wind, pummeling itself into windows, creating a harsh sound against glass. The rain would sound nice if it was softer, and not threatening to shatter the glass at any passing minute. Then the wind picks up more, swaying the power lines, road signs, and lamp posts. Neon signs hanging on the sides of businesses are torn off their mounts and blown down the street. That’s when a lamp post falls onto a power line, taking out power.

Killua has been sitting by his window watching the rain while smoking away his stress and listening to music. He taps out the cigarette into an old ash tray he found while cleaning. The power lines collapse before the males eyes, hitting the road with a crash and sparks that are put out by the rain. Almost immediately Killua’s music stops due to loss of connection, he just as quickly turns on data and lets it load in before the song starts again and he can tweet it.

“ayo literally just watch hella power lines knock over so i have no power. no stream today. phones gonna die soon. amen ig” _3:46pm_. He opens settings and turns on low power mode so he can do some things on his phone without using all of the charge. All he can do is hope repair crews come around soon to fix it.

Another  _ fwsh _ of the lighter, catching the paper of a cigarette. Killua’s pulse pounds with stress, given that he still has no idea how to tell his friends he’ll be at the convention in exactly two days. A long drag, a deep breath, calmer mind. With his left arm on the window ledge, hand threaded through thick silver hair, Killua chooses to loose himself in thought. His left leg is pulled to his chest and pressed against the wall beneath his arm, right leg bent in front of him with his ankle crossing over the other. His right arm is limply resting on the window ledge where the glass is cracked open to allow the smoke to get out instead of getting stuck even more in the apartment. The rain can’t go upwards, so he is safe from getting wet. Smoke curls with the wind that does manage to make way inside, creating swirling patterns that are too pretty for something so horrid.

_ Do I just not tell them and show up there anyways? I don’t even know what I’m walking into, I gave staff free reign of what they want. I’m not gonna call it off, I’m going to be there, it’s just, how. Do I call the groupchat and ask where to park? Do I ask if they’re going and say “See you there!”? Do I act like a random fan there then go up on stage? That would be pretty funny. Wait but then they won’t be able to meet them first. Fuck. I should just tell them on the day of “Be sexy for me” and then ghost. No, no that’s way too weird. Telling them I’ll see them soon is my best bet. I’ll just wait until they talk about it, then when the conversation ends I can add on, and then not answer any texts or calls or tweets and just scare the shit out of them. No wait, I don’t want to scare them. I already look kinda unusual, I’ll just be super nonchalant. I won’t even act like they’re just now seeing me, I can just act like we’re all old friends and I won’t even freeze up when Gon looks at me. I wonder what he’ll think of me. From what I can tell he likes my personality, but a relationship can’t thrive if there isn’t anything physical. Why the fuck am I thinking of a relationship? What, I look into Gons eyes and he looks back into mine and suddenly we’re sharing a bed for a night? _

Killua pulls his hand through his hair and takes a drag before putting his head back down.  _Bzzt_. The bed vibrates with the notification on Kil’s phone, making his head snap around to look at his phone. It’s a reply tweet from Gon.

“Come over and charge your phone maybe??”  _4:03pm_. Killua responds, “nice try, but i’ll let it die:)” But he would go over to charge his phone, he would go over without even needing a reason other than Gon.

Killua’s phone is at 19%, his work already called saying to not come in that day due to the weather conditions. He doesn’t feel like being conscious when his phone dies, so he does the only thing he can do. Eat until he can’t and then take pill after pill of melatonin until he looses count.

“at 17%. gonna use this shit up then sleep for 20 hours idc idc”  _7:13pm_. Ikagalo responds. “i’ll venmo you some battery” Killua answers him.“?? you can do that??” “ha no get fucked” “:/“

“you sleep for 3 hours everyday how are you gonna sleep for 20??” Palm responds to the original tweet. “already in phase 1/2 of that plan. eating an entire cake rn blasting Mitski then i’m gonna take a shit ton of melatonin so i can evaporate” Gon answers. “I want to evaporate. The water cycle is really cool.” Killua replies. “water cycle sick asf. all i wanna do is go through the water cycle” Zushi decides to add, “if you freeze your blood then leave it out to melt and evaporate then does that count as going through the water cycle??” Killua has to pause and think before answering. “no, it has to go into the clouds and rain down” Zushi, “i was close tho. also frog put the sharp thing down” Gon,”How did you know I was about to freeze my blood?” Killua, “tempted to make blood ice cubes and put them in a 4loko” This is when Killua realizes that if his powers out, then the fridge isn’t being cold. But the fear quickly goes away when he remembers he has no food in there to spoil anyway. Then Kurapika decides to stop them from being fucking stupid, “Don’t freeze your blood. I’ll block you.” Gon, “Ok ok I won’tI swear pls don’t block me 😁 ” Killua, “:/ phone bouta die maybe i’ll-“ Killua types like his phone died mid-tweet then checks his actual percent. 15.  _Yikes_.

Killua puts the empty plastic in the trash that once contained a cake, then tosses the plastic fork he was eating it with into the sink. Before he grabs a bottle of vodka and then melatonin, he decides to say a final goodbye. On twitter, of course. “i am on the final 1%, this is my goodbye. i would like everyone to know i will be taking my melatonin with vodka! i don’t plan on waking up:)” He hits send and as soon as the blue bar is finished posting, the phone screen turns black. Killua is left to stare at his reflection in the screen, taking in the way his hair almost forms a mullet and sticks out at all angles. The way his earrings gently reflect the minimal lighting.  _Well ok, fuck it up now I guess._ Killua grabs the vodka bottle by the neck and the only glass cup he has and pours the clear liquid into it like whiskey. Normally, Killua uses paper plates and cups instead of the actual thing just to make life easier. He caps the alcohol and puts it back in the cabinet. With a gentle movement he swirls the vodka around the glass, wishing the clouds weren’t blocking any moonlight so it would be able to shine onto the glass and make it sparkle. Killua takes a rather large sip and grimaces at the taste, not liking the way it coats his mouth in bitterness and how it makes his throat sting and eyes water.

The melatonin bottle sits in front of Kil, only three 5mg pills left. He looks at them, wonder how he’s going to be able to sleep if he takes that many pills to just be able sleep and takes at least 50mg to be out relatively faster.  _Yeah, I’m fucked._ Killua takes the pills, polishing off the glass and goes to refill it while taking visual sweeps of his apartment, looking for anything to do. The only answer he gets to kill his boredom is clean, which isn’t the most exciting thing to do... at least not sober. He takes the next refill like a shot then refills again, feeling lighter and heavier all at the same time. There’s no power to vacuum, but Kil doesn’t own a vacuum.

He settles for rolling up all of his rugs and throughly sweeping the linoleum. Then he fills a bucket with warm water and ammonia to get a mop and scrub the floors. Once finished, it is very slippery, dangerous for someone drinking for leisure. The rugs are rolled back into their spots and only half an hour has passed, melatonin not yet kicking in. Killua sits on his kitchen counter and kicks his feet, thinking once more about the convention. He knows what he’s wearing, and where’s he’s going to park and what room to walk to, y’know, the basic stuff, but doesn’t know the thick of it. He doesn’t know the reactions or what the room is going to look like, he doesn’t even know how to let his friends know he’ll be there. Wait no, scratch that last part. He made a decision earlier. A couple more minutes pass of just Killua kicking and bobbing his head to the song he had playing in it as a space filler. The apartment looked shiny and smelled like cigarettes and cleaning solution, the rain still pounding harshly against the windows. That’s when Killua gets the completely useless idea to wash his window curtains. He jumps down from the counter and begins taking them down, wobbling slightly on his feet with a swimming head. When the curtains are all down and sitting on a dusty pile on Killua’s counter top, he puts on his work boots to walk down the the basement and wash them. And good thing his boots were past his ankles, because the basement flooded. He sloshes through the water not thinking anything of, just wondering how you even un-flood a room. The machines were still working at least, so he sets the washer to medium and throws in the curtains with some detergent. On his way out he checks the clock in that room only to see it’s not working and comes to terms with the fact that he just won’t know what time it is or when to get the curtains. With heavy steps Killua goes back up the many flights of stairs into his apartment again and makes sure to not walk too much when he gets inside, given the wet and probably very dirty boots.

Back on the kitchen counter he is left to think some more, about anything, really. The upcoming day, his childhood which he’d rather not think about, Gon, Gon but nsfw, when the melatonin will kick in, when the curtains will be done, whether or not to dust, why so suddenly he was out of vodka and his thoughts weren’t foggy enough yet. A lot to think about. There’s a dust rag in the cabinet under the kitchen sink that Killua grabbed and sprayed Windex on even though you aren’t supposed to dust with Windex. He ran the rag over every surface possible, not having any thoughts that are coherent enough to stress over. He dusts and dusts, taking a break after doing his room to put on boots and switch the curtains to the dryer. He dusts the living room, the kitchen, swipes the rag along the walls, the fridge, the microwave, anything that could be cleaned. Then he went back down to the basement in the cold, wet boots to retrieve the now dry curtains. Killua’s head was ever so slightly spinning as he went down the stairs humming to himself because no one else is around at this time, whatever time that may be. Going up the stairs was a more difficult task, breathing heavy and shoes slippery with water, arms full of warm curtains. His apartment smelled even more like chemicals now, Killua realized when he got back to the place.

With curtains hung back up and head heavy with sleep, Killua drinks some water and leaves a bottle by his bed for when he wakes up, bottle by the phone he has plugged in so if the power comes on early in the morning it’ll be charged. He’s in different clothes and under three blankets, waiting for sleep to take his mind away to an easier place. Or not, because dark eyelids take Killua to an even darker realm.

Stained glass paints the wooden room in hues of red and blue. Moonlight shines upon the radiant pews where people are sat with smiling faces watching a happy couple renew their vows. Killua is back in the church, the same church as before, but with a different task. This time Illumi is not with him. Killua listens to the vows for a while, listens to the stories the people were telling and how their eyes shone when they looked at eachother. There was no big fancy reception, there was no black tie dress code. Just a semi-formal vow renewal, all because these two loved eachother until “the end of time”, which is good, because this was the end of their time. Their time was spent doing illegal activities to get back on their feet then trying to leave the gang like it was always an option. It wasn’t, and now they had to pay, and that meant Killua had to pay too. He cocks his gun, heavy with bullets. He aims, hands shaking, palms sweaty, head spinning with “I’m so sorry” and “I have to, it’s my only choice, I swear” and more “Sorry”. Kil takes a deep, shuddering breath and pulls the trigger, hitting the man first. His wife’s scream gets cut short as Killua aims again and fires. _I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Why did I do that? Why do I listen to them? Why? Why? Why?_ **Good job, Killu.** Illumi’s praise rings in his head, even as Killua looks at the collapsed, bleeding bodies. Even as the screams of the attendees overpower the ringing in his ears. He looks the the way the corpses still have locked hands, how they never let go of eachother, even in death.

_ I’ll escape. I won’t do this forever. I won’t bend to their will. I will be free, one day. _

23•

Killua jolts awake, his head pounds and the sun shines in his eyes, having not closed the curtains the whole way the previous night. He runs a hand through sweat soaked hair and looks out of the window, eyes adjusting to the light. There were the power lines, now back up. Immediately Killua grabs his phone that is, in fact, fully charged to check the time, 3pm. His notifications are flooded with memorial posts for him, convinced he died. It looks like the chain started with a tweet from Ikagalo at 1pm, “gone and forgotten. fly low 🕊 ” Killua responds to the tweet. “i’m alive. you won’t be for much longer.” He goes and opens messages.

Gon:)

7:02 am

GON: Goodmorning coriño!!

GON: Hope you’re not in too much pain!!

9:36 am

GON: Killllllll

GON: Wake up 

GON: I’m bored

GON: Oh your power is out

12:16 pm

GON: Ok your power should be back now I checked the news!!

GON: Wake up!!

1:22 pm

GON: I am convinced you’re dead

GON: I better be in the will:)

3:14 pm

KIL: not dead:/

KIL: power back tho!!

The Gang ™️

1 pm

IKAGALO: any word from kil??

KURAPIKA: Melatonin and alcohol can kill you, I googled it. He’s probably dead.

GON: What if he can’t die?

ZUSHI: mhm yes a very valid possibility

PALM: he sleeps until 3, just give it until then and if he doesn’t answer then bitch boys dead

GON: He’s probably not dead

KURAPIKA: It’s always a possibility...

GON: Did you go and kill Kil?

KURAPIKA: I am about to. Anyone wanna carpool?

ZUSHI: i’ll grab my scissors 😁

GON: No!

IKAGALO: pick me up i’ll be in the driveway

KURAPIKA: omw 

GON: !!!

3:15 pm

KIL: pathetic

KIL: couldn’t even put me out of my misery

ZUSHI: are you ok??

KIL: i think i cleaned my entire apartment last night

KIL: i am not totally sure

KIL: but i think i got shot in the head cause it feels like it

KIL: thank you for asking zushi:)

ZUSHI: oh this is gon on zushi’s phone we are all hanging out and talking about tomorrow 

KIL: tomorrow?

ZUSHI: the convention!! 

_ Holy shit, this is my chance, say it. Wait no it’s too early, I have to wait for tomorrow. _

KIL: oh

KIL: i forgot

ZUSHI: can you come??

KIL: i’m faceless dude://

ZUSHI: awe

Killua drinks the bottle of water left by his bed and very slowly stands up as to not hurt his head more. It’s another no work night because it’s a Saturday, so Killua is free to do whatever once the headache goes away. He takes his water with him to the bathroom and takes a couple off-brand pain killers and turns on his shower to heat up. Kil leaves the bathroom to grab clean clothes, still moving slow to spare his head. With a hoodie and shorts in his hand, he goes back into the now steamy bathroom and tosses the clothes onto the sink. He strips down, throwing the dirty clothes onto a growing pile that he should’ve washed last night instead of curtains. The water is warm against Killua’s back as he sits on the floor of the shower, letting the water wet down his hair then drip down into his eyes. The music that’s playing is drowned out by the water pounding against the plastic, all that can be heard from it is the rhythm and the occasional bass riff. As time goes on on the shower floor it gets harder to breathe, the air thickens and rises. Killua decides to stand now that the headache has somewhat subsided and he can move without seeing spots.

The sun begins to set and Killua has yet to do anything with his day, choosing to fuck around on his phone to make up for lost time yesterday. When the sun just hits below the horizon and all that’s left of it is pink and orange and purple hues of the setting, Gon calls. 

“Hello?”

_ “Hey! Are you better now?” _

“Uh yeah, I am. Are you ok?”

_ “What?” _

“I’m asking if you’re ok, you always ask if I’m ok but I want to know if you’re ok.”

_ “Thanks! I’m great! Got to hang out all day and film stuff!” _

“Oh cool, what did you film?”

_“We just drove around and messed stuff up. I let Kurapika drive the jeep for a while and they said ‘I wonder how much this thing can take’ and then drove right into a road sign!”_ Gon laughs, Killua joins in.

“I feel like if Kurapika sat shotgun they’d randomly grab the wheel and crash.”

_ “That’s why we made them sit in the back. I wasn’t allowed to drive either ‘cause-“ _

“Wait, can I guess why?”

_ “Sure!” _

“You saw a random animal and pulled over to pick it up.”

_“You did not just guess right.”_ Gons voice sounds shocked and Killua barks out laughter.

“Holy shit, I bet it was a possum or some shit and you kept it for like a week before feeling bad and letting it go.”

_“Stop that’s what I did, that’s literally what I did.”_

“Oh, I am definitely tattooing a possum on you.”

_“His name was Ricardo and he had a little sombrero.”_ Gon rolls his r’s on the spanish words.

“That’s what I’m tattooing on you, ok? ok.”

_“You didn’t even wait for me to answer?”_

“Oh please, you don’t know what you want tattooed.” Gons quiet for a minute.

_“Can you give him the little sombrero on the tattoo?”_

“Of course, I’m not a monster.”

_“I would hope not. Oh! And write his name in that one font you have your ‘drip or die’ thing in?”_

“I only know how to do that font and the trashy cursive. Gang bitches love trashy cursive.”

_ “Gang?” _

“That’s a story for another day, babe.”

_“Can’t wait to hear that one.”_

“Well you’re gonna have to.”

_ “I don’t want to.” _

“Too bad.”

The two talk about nothing and everything for awhile longer. By the time Gon says he’s tired the faded red of the sky has given into a deep blue dotted with stars.

“Goodnight, _darling_.” Killua sweetens his voice.

_“Goodnight,_ coriño.” Gon follows suit. Killua is the one to end the call, tapping the red button and launching his room into darkness once more. He combs a hand through his hair, fluffing it out before getting up to get a snack and do mindless activities on his phone for a few more hours then fall asleep.

24•

The next day starts with the perfect opening for Killua to plant his seed of panic.

The Gang ™️

7:30am

GON: EVERYONE BETTER BE UP WE GOTTA GO

8:30am

GON: ITS BEEN AN HOUR

GON: WAKE

GON: UP

PALM: i’m up, chill

GON: :)

9:30

IKAGALO: where are y’all parked??

PALM: i got there early so i’m close to the back door. there’s a random spot reserved so idk who’s gonna be there, usually there would be a name but the sign looked official

GON: Don’t park there, just to be safe.

IKAGALO: wasn’t planning on it. i found a spot. coming in now. fits fire.

KURAPIKA: What’s the fit? Jeans and a hoodie?

IKAGALO: ...

KURAPIKA: You’ve got to be fucking kidding.

IKAGALO: but the jeans are black so i’m fancy. i bet you’re wearing a suit or smth

KURAPIKA: ...

IKAGALO: that’s what i thought.

GON: i’m wearing normal jeans and a hoodie:( but i put a flannel on!

PALM: so you’re a masc lesbian?

GON: STOP I AM

GON: NO

3:04 pm

KIL: sounds hot

KIL: see you all there!:)

3:30 pm

GON:!?!?!?

PALM: am i reading that right?? did he just

KURAPIKA: Holy shit. He’s probably joking. But like

ZUSHI: this man just got fucking kurapika to fall for it. go kil 👏

IKAGALO: hey starting to think that zushi is the only one who thinks it’s a prank

IKAGALO: i, personally, am shaking at the thought of meeting 6”1 kil

GON: skeowowowokdnddnisoqme

KURAPIKA: Gon.exe has stopped responding

4:30pm

GON: Has Kil been answering any of you??

PALM: nope

ZUSHI: no

IKAGALO: no

KURAPIKA: No

GON: Either we’re getting pranked pranked or meeting Kil

IKAGALO: i’m passing out either way idc idc

PALM: i stg if he’s hot asf and gay i give up on men

GON: Haven't you already given up on men??

Killua’s hands shake as he does his eyeliner and slides rings onto his fingers. The chains around his neck are cold against bare skin. He keeps his hair fluffy, not wanting to overdo it. The outfit is sleek, all black. Black Docs, the pair he doesn’t wear for work, black slacks, and a black button up that isn’t buttoned all the way up. The sleeves are bunched up to just below his elbow, the shirt unbuttoned enough to show the tattoos along his collarbone and just a few on his sternum. Killua wants to keep the outfit all black so the accent colors would be his tattoos, eyes, and hair. Killua’s breath shakes unvoluntarily, anxiety coursing through his veins. He shakes as he walks to his car, trembles as he gets in and pulls up the gps to the convention center. Palms still sweating as Kil puts his hands on the wheel and starts driving, mentally preparing for what is about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and you thought the last cliffhanger was bad  
> *manically laughs in your fucking face*


	9. Hey~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3:59 am!! so close to 4, so close!

The highway is crowded, cars packed together somehow all going the same direction. Hotels are at max capacity, airports filled to the brim hours earlier. And there’s Killua in the middle of highway, watching each second pass with growing worry that he won’t make it in time. The traffic starts clearing and cars gas it through, Killua follows suit. He’s playing hard rock music solely from a 2016 emo phase in attempt to hype himself up and calm his overwhelming shaking without a cigarette so the smell doesn’t linger. He’s going 30mph over the speed limit blasting King For A Day by Pierce The Veil while swerving around other cars, using his nonexistent fear of death to his advantage.

** Meanwhile, on twitter... 3:40pm **

@forgfrog: *screenshot of KILs text of “see you all there!:)”* Hey so this is happening sorry if I am unresponsive:P

@INKagalo: yeah me too i am unable to

function right now

@sushi_tm: i swear you are all falling for a big ass prank

@INKagalo: won’t be saying that when kil steps on you smh

** Back in Killua’s car... 4:49pm **

The sheer volume of Killua’s music makes his blood race with a different type of tingly feeling. Not fear, no, excitement. His earrings swing when he turns his head left and right, really not trying to get into a crash as he pulls into the designated parking lot. The monitor of the parking lot was told to let Killua’s car through without checking his pass as to not expose his identity. He drives through the lot slowly, looking for the back door and his reserved spot. He does spot Gon’s doorless jeep with a dent in the front, Killua guesses it’s from Kurapika’s “experiment”. His skull shakes with I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor by Arctic Monkeys, the feeling the song gives him makes him sit straight and sharpen his vision and his leg shake with exhilaration.

** Twitter... 4:49pm **

@Palm_trees: i  _ know  _ i did not just hear arctic monkeys being blasted loud enough for me to hear it from here

@forgfrog: Sounds like smth Kil would listen to...

@PikaPika: This is a conspiracy.

** In the panel room... 4:50pm **

There’s a large crowd all smushed together in front of the stage, the chatter gets louder and louder as more tweets come through from their favorite streamers. On the stage there is a long table with a chair for every streamer as well as a nameplate with their tag on it. Right in the middle is an empty chair, lacking a nameplate, right between Gon’s chair and Ikagalo’s. Suddenly, the lights in the crowd turn off but the stage lights stay on, everyone is silent. There’s the click of shoes as a staff member walks out onto stage carrying a nameplate with the name facing away from the crowd. Silence remains as the person sets it down in front of the unnamed chair, their body blocking what name is on it. No one in the crowd dare breathe too loud, then the person walks away, revealing a nameplate with  KIL(L)  in large font across it.

** Gon... 4:50pm **

He and his friends were directed by some staff members to follow them into a back room for a surprise, at this point there was not a single camera that wasn’t on and rolling. Gon was buzzing with excitement, even more so when he realized the surprise is probably going to be good if it’s this close to when the panel has to start. They were instructed not to check their phones in case the surprise is ruined, so Gon’s weighs heavy in his jeans pocket. No one was talking on their walk to the back room. It was Gon, Ikagalo, Zushi, Kurapika, Palm, Leorio, Knuckle, Shoot(@sh00t), Bisky(@thickbih), and Ret(@preRetzel). It’s a tense walk, just clicking shoes and heavy breathing as the hallway reached an end and a door was open, exposing a relatively large room with just enough chairs for all of them in it. There were a couple tripods mounted with cameras for some reason, one camera facing the chairs and one facing the space in front of another door that was across the room.

“Have a seat, should be any second now.” The staff member lets them into the room the leaves, closing the door behind them.

“Oh, we’re definitely getting murdered.” Kurapika says as they take a seat.

“I’m hoping for a better surprise than that.” Gon says while taking the seat in the middle.

“It has to be Kil, I have no idea what else this could be.” Ikagalo takes the seat next to Gon.

“A puppy?” Leorio sits down next to Kurapika.

“Why would they give a group of people a singular puppy?” This is Retz, Gon remembers those couple times he and Kil streamed with her.

“A single puppy is still a pretty good surprise.” Palm adds while sitting down a chair away from Ikagalo, Zushi takes the seat between the two.

“Still not convinced that Kil is coming.” Zushi crosses his arms.

“I hope it’s Kil, but I’d be happy with a puppy too.” Gon adds softly, staring intently at the door. 

** Killua... 4:51pm **

Killua is speedwalking down the hallway, wondering how much longer it can go for. He can hear how large the crowd is through the walls, it’s makes his heart race and the shake return to his hands, rattling the lanyard he was given with his tag on it and as a verification. He hasn’t put it on yet, not wanting to ruin the outfit and wanting something to hold.

_ Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I’m actually doing this, I’m actually about to see them. They’re actually about to see me. What the fuck. What. The. Fuck. I can’t believe I’m getting nervous over something so fucking stupid. All I’m doing is meeting them, I don’t even have my dick out. Why the fuck did I just think that?  _

Killua walks faster, wanting to get away from the sounds of the crowd as fast as possible.

_ What do I say when I get in there? Do I really just say hey? Is that what I’m gonna do?  _

Killua reaches the door staring at the metal handle, and slowly reaches his hand out to grab it.

** Gon... 4:51pm **

Footsteps are approaching the door, and fast. Gon leans forward expectantly, waiting for Kil to open the door and stand in the center of the room. The handle moves.

** Killua... 4:51pm **

Killua runs a hand through his hair and steadies his breathing. Pushing down on the handle, Kil opens the door.

** Gon... 4:52pm **

Everyone holds their breath as the door pushes open by a lithe, pale hand, followed by a tattooed arm, then by a body. And there before Gons eyes, is the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen, staring back into his eyes with piercing blue ones.

** Killua... 4:52pm **

With light footsteps Killua steps into the room, immediately locking eyes with Gon.  _Fuck, he’s hotter in person._ Killua breathes in and runs a hand through his hair again and lets the door close behind him, unintentionally ending in a slight pose.

“Hey.”

** Gon... 4:52pm **

“K-Kil?” Gons voice wavers in utter shock, he can’t seem to stop looking Kil up and down. Watching the light reflects off of his hair, how his hands have a slight shake, the way his shirt is unbuttoned just enough to show where his vine tattoos transform into thorns. He looks back into Kil’s eyes, and he receives the same infatuated gaze.

“Yeah.” Kil answers Gons question of his identity.

“Holy shit.” Zushi is staring at Kil, mouth agape.

“You didn’t warn us you were hot. I feel like I would need a week to prepare for this. We were not warned.” Ikagalo appears to be sweating.

“If I warned you then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Kil smirks.  _Oh my god, the smirk. The smirk. Oh my god_.

“I don’t even know what to say. I’m in shock, I feel like I would see you on TV, not a fucking twitch convention.” Palms voice is higher than it normally is. Gon has yet to say anything else, while everyone in the room is just in awe of Kil’s beauty.

“Well we have to be on the panel in like,” Kil slides a phone out of his pocket, it looks impossibly small in his hands. “four minutes.” He puts it back in his pocket.

“Hey Gon,” Kurapika waves a hand in his face. “Wake the fuck up.” Gon just says the first thing in his mind.

“Rail me.” Gon immediately slaps a hand over his mouth, not believing what he just said to the angel he just met. He looks back up at Kil and then goes right back to wanting to be railed. Kil’s face was dusted with pink, eyes wide with shock. They made eye contact, just staring at eachother, ignoring the laughter that was booming around them.

** Killua... 4:56 **

“Rail me.” Gons words echo in his head, bouncing around like one of those old DvD squares on a tv. Killua can feel his face heat up and looks back at Gon to see his face doing the same, just on a more minor level. He can’t stop staring at Gon, just taking him in. How he looked so focused on Killua and how his leg stopped bouncing as soon as he came in the room. So Killua says the only honest thing he can think of.

“Ok.”  _Maybe I should not have said that._ The laughter around them increases, and so does Gon and Killua’s red faces.

“I,” Gon takes a breath. “I am going to pass out.” He leans back in his chair, chest heaving. Killua just sort of stands there some more, watching time tick by, getting bombarded with compliments that he just looks shocked at.

“Well, okay,” Zushi is the first to stand up, the rest follow. Killua waits and watches Ikagalo stand up, watching him barely even grow.

“Pfft.” Killua holds in a laugh with a fist over his face. Ikagalo glares at him.

“Don’t even say it, don’t say a word.”

“You’re so.. small.” Killua laughs a little at Ikagalo’s maddened glare. 

** Gon... 4:59pm **

“Ok, c’mon, we gotta move.” This was Bisky talking while she was also staring at Kil, just like Gon was doing. They start walking out, but wait for Kil to come forward and join them. Gon walks to Kil, wanting to walk beside him.

“Hey!” Gon grins at Kil, looking up only a little bit due to Kil’s natural one inch on him and the tall shoe choice.

“Hey.” Kil smiles back at him and it takes all of Gons strength to not just fall over right there.

“You’re pretty.” Gon says while staring into Kil’s eyes.

“Hah, thanks. So are you.” Kil pats him on a head and twists his smile into a smirk, clearly teasing Gon for not being as tall as him. Gon relishes in the touch, the way he can feel the comforting coldness of Kil’s hand through his hair.

“Hey kids! We gotta go!” Leorio calls out from the door, Gon and Kil laugh and speed walk towards him and the others, Gon still unable to tear his gaze from Kil.

** Killua... 6:00pm **

_ Oh, now everyone else has to see me. Why does this feel a lot less nerve wracking even though there’s a lot more people? _

Killua’s shoulder brushes against Gons, Killua can feel the heat radiating off of Gons body. Killua is nervous again, as to be expected, but not as bad as before. He almost feels better with Gons eyes glued to his face.

“You weren’t kidding about the eyebrow scar.” Killua looks over at Gon, realizing that’s what he was staring at.

“Oh, uhm, yeah. It’s mostly healed now, was a lot worse.” Killua absent mindedly brought a hand to his face and smoothed a finger over the scar.

“It’s pretty cool. I wasn’t expecting you to look so... cool.” Gons voice sounds wistful.

“Kinda weird but like thanks? I guess?”

“I dunno, it’s like you think ‘Gamer’ and you get this nasty image in your head but then you’re just, just..” Gon trails off, looking for the word.

“Cool?” Killua finishes with an easy smile, showing straight teeth and sharp canines. The roar of the crowd gets louder, making Killua’s nerves jump.

“Yeah, cool.” Gon has yet to take his eyes off of Killua. Gon smiles at Killua, his heart beat skips, getting easily flustered over a damn smile. 

Killua twists one of his rings, a nervous habit. He twists and twists and does it faster and faster as the crowd gets louder and louder to the point where Gon reaches out and places his hand over Killua’s connected ones. He doesn’t say anything, neither does Killua, they just look at eachother. And somehow Killuas calmed down by a simple touch.

The stage lights are bright, Killua squints from the side door to let his eyes adjust before going out. They’re all told where to sit by the side, Killua stares at the staff member, devoid of any emotion, as they tell him he’s front and center. The group giggles at him, saying it’s a good thing he’s pretty or there’d be complaints.

“Kil, you go out after everyone else. ‘Kay?” The staff member says.

“No not ok. Not a fan of being singled out, to be honest.” Killua looks very nervous, ring twisting back.

“Ok good so you got your directions. Everyone else get out there!”

“Woah hey wait- I swear to god if you leave me-“ Killua starts as all of his friends walk away smirking.

“Have fun, Kil!” Ikagalo calls before being in view on the stage.  _ Little bitch. Gonna fold his ass.  _

The crowd cheers louder when everyone goes out to the table and sits down, the middle seat remaining empty. Killua is finding it difficult to breathe, really wishing for a cigarette or something to ease the anxiety. His hands shake vigorously as he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“Ok, you go out now.” The staff member snaps Killua out of his nervous head.

“Hm? Yeah, ok.” Killua takes a deep breath and puts his hands in his pockets, stepping out of the side room and onto the stage. 

The crowd is silent again, even Killua’s footsteps make no sound as he walks to his chair and sits down. He knows what he has to do. He smiles a sultry smile and says “Hey~” into the mic in front of him. Killua’s voice echos in the large room before being drowned out with a wave of screaming. Killua widens his eyes in shock about how much louder the crowd is now than before.

“Holy fuck, all I did was say hey.” The cheering stops when he talks and starts again. 

“You’re forgetting no ones ever saw you before.” Ikagalo says snarkily next to him.

“I will not hesitate to fold your leprechaun lookin ass. There’s a fucking parking lot out there, it would be so easy.” Killua turns his head slightly and glares at Ikagalo from his higher view point.

“I’m more scared of that threat now because you can definitely, ten out of ten, kill me.”

“Eh, I’m over the homicide phase. It was cool for a while then got boring pretty fast.”

“You had a fucking homicide phase?”

“Didn’t we all?” Kurapika joins in.

“I dunno I thought that was a universal thing.” Killua shrugs and turns his head back to the crowd. 

“I think it’s just you two that had a homicide phase.” Shoot says from the end of the table.

“I’m in the homicide phase.” Zushi says with a glare at Killua.

“I don’t even know what I did this time.” Killua returns the glare.

“You didn’t warn us you were coming! And that you’re literally so fucking attractive like seriously? You’re gonna show up like you peeled yourself out of a magazine and act like it’s nothing?!”

“To be fair I told you I was coming three hours ago, so that’s on you for not knowing. The attractive part isn’t in my power, I’d thought you’d all be creeped out.” Killua turns back away from Zushi, getting tired of him.

“Creeped out? Why would we be creeped out?” Gons looking at Killua with a confused expression.

“Oh I dunno the hair? Tattoos? Piercings?Scars?” Killua says the first couple words sarcastically. 

“I think it’s cool.” Gon huffs and crosses his arms, closing his eyes and facing forward in defiance. Killua sees an opportunity to be a bitch.

“Wow, I think that’s the first time you took your eyes off me all this time, darling~” He sweetens his voice.

“Kil!” Gon hits him lightly on the shoulder, earning a couple laughs from the crowd and from Killua himself.

“You act like I’m wrong.” Killua smirks at Gon again.

“Can confirm that Gon has not stopped staring at Kil.” Leorio pipes up.

“See? Even the old man can tell through his cataracts.” Killua pokes Gon on the arm.

“Kid, I swear-“ Leorio stands up out of his chair, stopped by Kurapika grabbing his arm.

“If you wanna fight old man than let’s fight. Still fresh from the ring a couple days ago.” Killua leans back in his chair with a sickly sweet smile towards Leorio.

“You told me that story. I wonder if the guys ok.” Gon has recovered from his brief sulking.

“He should be fine, couple broken bones never killed anyone.” Killua tries to play it off, but knows deep down there are gonna be some questions.

“You gonna elaborate on that or?” Palm speaks up.

“Or.” Killua answers.

The panel goes on like that for the hour that it lasts, banter back and forth, just talking for an awful long time. When the clock reaches 7 Killua isn’t nervous anymore, just existing. The panel ends and everyone talks about what hotel they booked and where they’re staying, Killua can’t contribute to the conversation. But Gon can.

** Gon... 7:02pm **

_ Overnight? Tomorrow? Hotels? Two days? What?  _

“ Wait! Is this a multiple day thing?” Everyone stares at Gon, waiting for him to say he’s joking, but he never does.

“Oh, oh no.” Palm realizes first that Gon really doesn’t know.

“Oh no.” Gon parrots back.

“So that’s why you didn’t say anything when we were talking about hotels the other day!” Zushi snaps his fingers, everyone starts laughing. 

“Ok so it’s two days but where do I stay overnight? My car doesn’t have doors.”

“We all roomed together, so there’s no space.” All eyes drift to Kil. He sighs.

“I’m 15 minutes away, just stay with me.” Kil sighs again, with more drama.

“Thanks Kil!” Gon wraps his arms around Kil’s neck to hug him, and flinches ever so slightly at how tense Kil had gotten over the contact. 

“Do you mind taking a detour to drive us to the hotel? It’ll just be the small gang so we can all pack together in a single car,” Ikagalo requests. “it’s better for the environment.”

“Do you mind paying me for it?” Kil smiles too nicely for someone who’s asking for money.

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll pay.” Everyone nods.

“Ok, c’mon then.” Kil starts walking away towards the back exit, leaving the others to follow.

** Killua... 7:05pm **

_ I can’t believe I’m driving these fuckers around. I can’t believe Gons gonna be staying at my place. _

They emerge out of the door onto the parking lot. Killua cracks his knuckles loudly.

“Hey ginger bitch! Still wanna fight?” The lights in the parking lot aren’t on yet, casting Killua in a layer of blackness that makes him invisible.

“No no no I am very scared please do not try and fight me.” Ikagalo backs against the nearest car, not knowing it was Killua’s. He proceeds to take out his keys and unlock the car, the sound and the lights scaring Ikagalo right back towards Kil. Kil steps aside and watches him fall onto the pavement.

“Classy.” Killua says then walks to his drivers door where he sees Gon already sitting shotgun.

He gets in and slams the door shut behind him and gets his phone out of his pocket to connect to the speakers, noticing there were three vlogging cameras strapped to his dash and the shouting going on behind him as Kurapika, Palm, Zushi and Ikagalo all try to fit comfortably. They seemed to have settle for placing Ikagalo on Zushi’s lap.

“So? What’s this?” Killua starts the car and gestures toward the cameras.

“Always have a camera on. Always. I got all of our reactions to seeing you cause I had mine on.” Gon answers for everyone.

“The only acceptable life mantra.” Palm adds from her place in the back corner.

“Hm.” Killua hums in reply, then starts the music on the same volume as it was before. They all immediately screech and Gon reaches toward the panel to turn it down.

“Jesus fuck. Why did you have it up that loud?” Kurapika has hands clasped to their ears.

“I was hella nervous so I just replaced it with sound, couldn’t even tell it was that loud.” Killua taps his fingers on the wheel and maneuvers his way out of the parking lot, making all of the other cars pulling out to stop and let him through.

“Why would you be nervous?” Gons waving at people through the window. 

“I answered that at the panel- bitch better fucking move or I’m taking out the bumper.”

“Why did I predict the road rage?” Kurapika says dryly. 

“Hm I dunno why did you?” Killua makes a sharp turn, tires screech, and then he speeds out of the parking lot and somehow makes it onto the freeway safely, headed the direction of the hotel. Just about everyone in the car latched onto something or someone else during the saucy turns.

“You gotta warn us when you do that.” Zushi wrapped his arms around Ikagalo for safety. He’s told to let go very fast.

“Get used to it and I won’t have to waste my breath.” Killua swerves around a slow car.

“We just caught you committing crimes dude.” Palm says.

“Snitches get stitches.” Kil smiles and pulls into the hotel parking lot. They each hand him some cash on their way out of the car.

“Ok,” Killua circles around to get back onto the main road. “Let’s see if we can cut this twenty minute drive down to fifteen, shall we?”

“I’d really rather not-“ Gon gasps and holds onto the roof handle for dear life as Killua speeds up sharply and turns again even sharper.

“Fun, right?” Killua is grinning like a mad man, thrilled over dancing with death.

“Not fun, actually, very scary. Do not like.” Gons voice shakes.

“Weird.” Killua guns it again.

** Gon... 7:31pm **

Gon recognizes Kil’s apartment complex as he pulls into the parking lot, claiming a spot. They both get out in silence, tired even though it is early.

“Since you have no other clothes I can wash what you’re wearing while you shower.” Kil said on their way inside.

“Ok, thanks. What do I wear to sleep?”

“I’ll just give you something.”

“Thanks. I’ll give it back.”

“That’s to be expected.”

There are a lot of stairs, both men climbed them with ease. Kil led Gon down a dimly lit hallway and stopped at apartment number eleven, where he unlocks the door and motions for Gon to come inside.

First thing Gon notices about the apartment is how much cleaner than what he expected it to be. And then he notices the single decoration on Kil’s fridge, the note he had written on chocolate like a month ago. He looks at it for a while longer, then realizes Kil had disappeared. 

“Kil-“ Gons call for help gets cut short when Kil pops out of what he assumes to be his bedroom holding clothes.

“I told you to follow me? Please shower, don’t be nasty.”

“Yeah, right. Sorry.” Gon walks towards Kil and follows him to the bathroom where he’s handed clean clothes of what looks to be a plain black tshirt and gray sweats. 

“Just toss your old clothes out here. I’ll be in the kitchen.” Kil walks away, leaving Gon alone in his bathroom. 

Gon does as he’s told and takes off his clothes and tosses them out onto Kil’s bedroom floor, he can hear the other man in the kitchen. Shivering in the cold bathroom, he steps into the shower and turns on the water only the immediately jump back. The water comes out cold, not warm like Gons used to. He makes do, waiting pressed against the wall until it’s warm enough to stand in. Then makes do with the soaps Kil has, this one aspect being nicer than Gon’s 3-in-1. He takes a short shower, just about ten minutes, not wanting to annoy Kil. The clothes he were given are comfy and have the same smell as Kil, making Gon feel all fuzzy inside. He steps out of the bathroom to find the apartment empty and his phone charging on the floor next to Kil’s. He takes it to go sit in Kil’s living room and wait for him to get back.

** Killua... 7:51pm **

Killua changes Gons clothes from a washer to a drying while trying not to slip on the wet floor that has yet to dry from the flood a couple days ago. He goes back up the stairs to his apartment only to find Gon with his hair down, in his clothes, in his gray sweatpants, on his living room lawn chair.

“Why do you shower so quick?” Killua closes the door behind him and slips off his crocs into the shoe corner.

“Just kinda did. Don’t wanna spend our sleepover in the shower!” Gon smiles widely. Killua laughs a harsh laugh.

“Yeah, ok. Eat whatever you can find. I’m gonna shower.” Killua takes off into his room, choosing not to answer Gons question about the lack of food. He grabs clean clothes from a drawer and slinks into the bathroom, turning on the water as soon as he’s in there. He turns on music on his phone to drown out any stray thought that might happen to cross his mind. 

** Gon... 8:20pm **

Gon only managed to find three slim jim’s, deeming those as his dinner. Kil had gotten out of the shower a little bit ago and had gone down to the basement to get the laundry that would be done by now. Gon yawned, feeling tired even though normally he’d be awake for another hour or two. He doesn’t feel like sleeping on the humble yet ratty couch that Kil has, so Gon decides to curl up on Kil’s bed. It was comfier then he had expected for a mattress on the floor, the blankets were soft and plush, the pillows were fluffy. He was very comfortable, he couldn’t help falling asleep.

** Killua... 8:22pm **

_ Oh he’s sleeping on my bed. Oh ok. Ok. Yeah. What the fuck do I do? _

Suddenly Gon lifts his head up as Killua sets down Gons folded clothes on the kitchen countertop.

“Can we share?” Gon mumbles sleepily from where he lay.

“Yeah, sure.” Killua walks over and lays down next to Gon, feeling his body heat against his back. Killua can hear and feel Gon as he grunts while rolling over. Rolling over to apparently, big spoon Killua.

Kil can feel a muscular arm lay over his waist and feel Gons breathing on the back of his neck.  _ This is actually kinda nice, maybe I’ll just-  _ Killua flips over so that he and Gon are face to face, making eye contact, noses touching. Gon uses the arm that was still over Killua’s waist to pull him closer so that they were flush against eachother, hearts and breathing in sync. Their eyes wander lower, to each other’s lips, then back up.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Gon whispers. Killua is at a loss for words so instead he just nods and lets Gon quickly sit up and move Killua onto his back, he straddles Killua. Gon leans forward with a hand holding Killua’s cheek, getting closer and closer but very slowly. Too slow for Killua, so he sits himself up on his arm and holds Gons cheek and jawline, kissing him softly, but passionately, like a tester. Gon returns the kiss but with more vigor, more thirst, so Killua responds with even more. They have all night to do whatever they please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah... yeah.


	10. Mood Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that long break that wasn’t that long but I really enjoy writing this so it was super long imo. This won’t be as long as the other chapters cause I want to get it out quick and I’ve had it typed 4 times already so I’m loosing it. Quick R.I.P to my phone and the 2k words I had started for this. Thank you all for being so nice about that like I wasn’t expecting anything

**Killua... 8:30pm**

Their lips were locked under the silver moonlight, their bodies entwined. Gons body had Killua pinned against the mattress, his hands cupping Killua’s face. Their kisses were passionate and sweet, not asking for anything more than to be there with the breeze in through the open window and the car horns that would ring out occasionally. 

_Why are we still kissing? Why am I enjoying it? Normally I’d get mad with this much.. passion, but I’m not. I don’t even care if we have sex, I only care that I get to be here. Holy shit. I literally just met him, literally, like four hours ago. I just met him and now my hands are in his hair and his hands are on my bare, fucking, skin._

Gons hands slipped under Killua’s sweatshirt while he was in a slight panic. Gons hands were large and warm, strong enough to seemingly snap Killua in two. But he just moves slowly, softly, over Killua’s skin. He takes little notice of the way he can feel raised scar bumps, some feeling more surgical and some more painful than others. Gon doesnt linger very long on the scars, choosing to slip the sweatshirt off Killua instead before taking off his own.

The cold air just barely reaches Killua before Gon is over him again, his heat radiating onto Killua. However, Killua decides its time for a quick position change. He hooks his leg under Gons and flips him, choosing not to warn him so it’d be easier to do so. Gons back hits the mattress with a release of breath. 

“You good?” Killua asks Gon.

“Yeah. Yeah, never better.” Gon sounds breathless. 

Killua kisses him deeply, slowly moving down to his jawline to his neck. Killua’s goal is to leave a mark, just to see what’ll happen even though he’ll be throughly embarrassed too. He moves down and across, searching for the spot that’ll make Gon shiver beneath him and make Gon have fists of his hair. Killua moves down his neck and across eventually finding the spot just barely below Gons jawline. Gon takes a sharp breath in and curls his fingers deep into Killua’s hair, the breath he lets out makes the faintest sound of pleasure. Killua smirks against Gons skin and goes for the spot rougher than before, choosing this to be the place he leaves his mark. Gons breathing gets heavier and deeper as Killua lays it on him. Gon shivers ever so slightly at the sensation, the feeling traveling up into Killua’s hands where he has them on Gons head and waist. Killua pulls away, satisfied with what he had done and kisses Gon more, a hand traveling down Gons body, feeling every inch of skin and toned muscle. 

Killua pulls away to look at Gon, his face faintly blushed a pinkish hue, made silver in the moonlight. His eyes were lidded and his lips were parted, his chest rising up and down deeply. Killua’s eyes dart to his hair that was flattened out and fell onto the pillow behind him, making a crown of raven color.

“God,” Killua mumbles before leaning in to kiss him once again, “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” Gon answers the compliment with a more forceful kiss, using his hands to pull Killua even closer to him. They get heated, very heated, the vibe in the room going for romance to a more physical need. Killua sits up on Gon to untie his gray sweatpants, fully ready to do the sex even though they just met and have to see each other a lot more often now which could be a good or bad thing. 

Gons eyes follow Killua as he moves, focusing on the scar across his throat that’s framed by his tattoos. Still only looking at the scar as cold hands undo the string. Gon reaches out to gingerly touch it.

“How’d you get this? If you don’t mind me asking.” Killua freezes and looks up at Gon, the heat gone from his eyes. _Mood Killer._ Killua gets off of Gon, choosing to lean against his wall and window frame. Gon sits up too, sitting across from Killua and looks out the window too, occasionally glancing over at Killua to watch his eyes follow cars as they drive down the road. 

“It’s kinda a long story, and it’ll be hard to, like, fully understand if I don’t tell you the backstory. ‘Cause if I don’t tell you the whole thing I’m just gonna look really fucking petty but if I do tell you the whole thing then.. then you’d be even more confused.” Killua runs a hand through his hair, clearly debating on whether or not to tell Gon everything or something or nothing.

“You can just tell me the uh, what it’s called, like how the scar happened, if you don’t wanna tell the whole story you don’t have to. But it’s does sound pretty interesting I’m not gonna lie.” Gon takes his eyes from the window to Killua, then Killua does the same. _Do I tell him? He’s gonna think I’m insane, we also just met. But I also really like him so maybe telling him this will make us just stay together? But if it doesn’t I’d have just told him a really personal story kinda. But like? Should I just do it?_

“Ok, just, know that there’s like a deeper meaning, ok?” Killua looks into Gons eyes, almost with a pleading gaze. Gon sits forward eagerly, like he’s about to be read a bedtime story.

“Mhm yeah yeah now tell the story.” Gon is far too enthusiastic about a rather dark topic.

“So, I uh, slit my throat,” Killua watches Gons face fall and he takes a breath to start apologizing. Killua waves his hands to make Gon stop. “Not in that way like not in the suicide way. Like, ok, so I was arguing with my parents, right? I had enough of their shit and was like, yeah I’m not gonna tell that story but you get the picture. And they weren’t listening to me so I made a threat and they didn’t take me seriously. So I took the knife out of my pocket and just slit my throat in the middle of the kitchen, looking my mother in the eyes.” Killua takes a shakey breath. “It wasn’t gonna kill me, I knew that cause I did it shallow on purpose, but I wasn’t expecting to have a scar. But I want to keep it unhidden because it’s the only argument that I’ve won, and that’s like, I dunno kinda important. To me, at least.” Killua’s taken his eyes away from Gon now, back to gazing out of the window.

“Oh, oh. Thank you. Thanks for telling me, trusting me with that, y’know.” Gons staring it Killua, noticing how his once deep blue eyes faded into a blueish gray in the moonlight. “Here, I’ll tell you an important story to me too?” Killua turns to look at Gon.

“Go for it.” They both look back to the window so that it’s easier to talk about deeper stuff. 

“So you know how I don’t like how you drive? And how I told you a really close friend died in a car wreck?” Killua nods, Gon continues. “That friend drove just like you do now, his name was Kite, about the closest thing I’ve ever had to a father, given that my actual dad just kinda left. But Kite taught me everything I know and we would do everything together,so I was in the car with him kind of a lot. I always thought it was really fun driving with him cause he would go super fast and make sharp turns and I guess I never thought about how dangerous it was. Until one day I was watching the news, there was never any news on big accidents ‘cause it was a small island and stuff but that day there was news of a big, fiery crash. I was eating breakfast when I saw Kites totaled car on the TV, the camera guy managed to get it exploding on camera. And I knew, in that moment, that I had just watched Kite die, he died driving to my house on the hill to show me a cool rock he had found. I really wish I was in the car with him, he always drove more dangerously when I wasn’t there. Maybe if I had been there he would’ve been more careful and avoided it, if I had just been there then he would still be here.” Gon sniffles, Killua looks over to see a single tear fall down his face. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Gon.” Killua consoles him, even reaching over and putting his hand on Gons leg. 

“It’s not that, it’s just, I don’t want you to do the same.” They look into each others eyes, Gons are wide and watery, his posture sunken and sad.

“Oh, darling, I won’t. I swear.” Killua moves so he’s pressed against Gon and his arm was around Gons far larger shoulders. Gon leans his head into Killua’s chest, wrapping his arms around Killua’s waist. Killua runs his hand through Gons hair, letting him calm down and be held. After a while Gon sits up again.

“Ok, I’m all good now.” Gon smiles softly at Killua. _He’s way too hot right now for someone who just cried in my arms._

“Fucking better be. Go to sleep, you have a panel at like eight tomorrow.” Although his words are harsh, Killua’s tone is tender and caring.

“Oh! I forgot! Do you not have a panel tomorrow?” 

“I just have the big one in the afternoon, figured that’s when I’d do yours and everyone else’s tattoos cause it’s a longer one.”

“I almost forgot about that.”

“How dare you forget about the possum in a sombrero I’m gonna do for you?” Gon sighs in a forced wistful tone and gazes out the window like a sad music video. 

“Oh Ricardo, how I miss you dearly.”

“You should write him a letter.”

“Yeah! Wait-“ Gon stops when Killua starts laughing harshly.

“Holy shit,” He laughs some more. “I thought you were just playing along, but you just,” he laughs again, softer. “For at least a second you thought you could send a fucking possum a letter, and not just any possum, no no, a possum you kept for a week and gave a hat and named Ricardo.”

“You’re just really persuasive?” Gon tries to defend himself.

“We just met and now I’m very persuasive? You wouldn’t have fell for that if it was over call a month ago.”

“Well for guys who just met we just did a lot of stuff.” Gon looks away, seemingly flustered. 

“Mhm~” Killua hums deeply and brings his hand to Gons chin where he turns his head. Gons eyes widen at their proximity, breath catching before catching Killua at his own game. 

“Maybe we should do it again sometime.” Gon leans in and kisses Killua while he’s caught off guard, which just makes Killua fall over and catch himself on his elbow. They don’t pull away as they fall. 

“Yeah, I’d be down for that.” They look into each other’s eyes, tension crackling the air between them. 

“Too bad that I’m really tired right now.” Gon shifts away from Killua and lays down in his bed, not bothering to pull up blankets, leaving his upper half bare. 

“A real shame.” Killua lies down next to him, waiting for Gon to initiate the next move. Which he does. 

Gon curls into Killua’s side, using his body as a pillow, Killua reaches past Gon to grab a blanket and pull it around them so that they’re not entirely cold. Killua rolls on his side so he was facing Gon and pull him close. Gons head was right beneath Killua’s, Gons forehead against Killua’s collarbone. Their legs were wrapped around each other, making them even closer together. They don’t talk anymore, just listening to each others and their own breathing, even as it evens out and Gon is the first to fall asleep. Killua moves his arm very slightly and runs it through Gons hair a couple times, feeling Gon curl even closer into him. 

_This.. this is nice, yeah. I could probably fall asleep right now._

And he does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! Now I feel better. Still gonna go cry in the middle of a planet fitness tho. Planned to add more to this but my iPad I’d breaking and I don’t want to withhold this from y’all any longer. Also wrote the beginning of this note a couple days ago and I can say that I did not cry in the planet fitness today, that was a one time, very traumatic experience cause those bitches moved the machines


	11. Overnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eyeliner and sillies. And a lot of just random song drops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was gonna make this longer but didn’t feel like waiting any longer to get it out there. Tried smth a little fun with song lyrics.

**Gon... 6:58am**  
  
Gon woke up before his seven am alarm and found himself encased in someone else’s arms.   
_What? Who? Who do I know that has this many tattoos? And that has white hair?_  
He picks up his head and looks at this strange unknown person that he’s laying half naked with. The stranger wakes up at the slight movement and curls around Gon, arms squeezing like a cobra.  
_Oh! Holy cow how did I just forget Kil? Wait now I feel really bad._  
Gon reaches over Kil to his phone so he can turn off his alarm and not wake Kil. They would have to leave for a panel soon but Gon didn’t want to have to wake him up any earlier than need be. He ignores the notifications on the screen and goes right to turning off the alarm because it would be going off very soon. Gon swipes the green button on his clocks app then looks at the messages on the group chat.

The Gang™  
6:46am  
PALM: so we got a little problem  
PALM: all of us but kil have that early panel  
PALM: but kil drove us all last night, so that means we don’t have a ride to get back unless he wakes his ass up

KURAPIKA: Hoping that we crash and die.

PALM: yeah 

7:00am

GON: Hey just woke up in Kils arms how y’all doing??   
IKAGALO: clearly not as good as you. i woke up next to zushi.zushi.  
ZUSHI: sorry. ill cuddle you next time  
IKAGALO: i shouldn’t have to ask  
PALM: gon wake up kil so we’re not late  
GON: But he looks so pretty and content and just  
KURAPIKA: Turn off the gay and wake him up. You get up yourself, too.  
GON: I’m not waking him up I’m not a monster  
GON: I also can’t get up cause apparently kil has the grip of a god and I can’t move  
GON: And just like look at this  
GON: *photo of Kil. Hair messy, yesterdays eyeliner smudged, arms reaching out around Gon who has a little portion of skin in the photo. Ray of sun across Kils cheekbone, earrings shiny. Blanket down past his rib cage from when Gon moved so it is very obvious that they are both shirtless, tattoos also very visible.* Look.  
ZUSHI: oh so y’all fucked?  
IKAGALO: y’all fucked.  
KURAPIKA: Definitely did a little something.  
PALM: i’m expecting a wedding eventually  
IKAGALO: i’m saving that photo and tweeting it btw  
GON: No don’t I’m gonna look like a creep  
IKAGALO: too late:/

@INKagalo: *that photo of Kil* the most recent development on gons end  
@forgfrog: I love it here at Kils. Except the fact that breakfast is probably gonna be a pile of dust. I had three slim Jim’s for dinner.  
@INKagalo: please feed him  
@kil_l: breakfast will be saltines and secondhand smoke  
Kil woke up and snatched his phone without Gon noticing, enjoying the way Gon jumped and looked over at him when he saw Kils tweet.  
“Morning?” Gon says to Kil, wondering if it was appropriate to say after the previous night. Kil sits up next to Gon against the wall, Kils leg still on top of one of Gons.  
“Morning.” Kils voice is raspy. He yawns and leans into Gons shoulder, eyes closing as he falls back asleep. Gon can feel Kils earrings pressing into his shoulder.   
@INKagalo: sounds like one of those old crime movies  
@forgfrog: His apartment has that vibe. I bet I could find evidence of a murder in here if I try  
@kil_l: i mean, just, don’t try. snitches get stitches;)  
@INKagalo: why are you both tweeting? you’re probably on top of each other just talk  
@forgfrog: kil just fell back asleep on me so no  
@Palm_trees: how about you both wake the fuck up so we have someone to drive  
@forgfrog: Oh oops I forgot

“Hey, bro,” _Yeah ok, just call the guy you almost had sex with bro, that’s ok. Very ok._ “Wake up, I think you have to drive us all everywhere now. Like a show fur.” Gon splits up the word ‘chauffeur’.  
“Five more hours.” Kil mumbles before sinking back down intro the mattress, almost obvious that he’s very much awake and has been trying weakly to fall back asleep.  
“Oh, come on, don’t be a baby and get up.” Gon shoves Kil, the latter just flips away from Gon with the momentum of the shove.  
“I’m not a baby, baby.” Kils voice is muffled from the layers of blankets he’s buried himself in.  
“If you don’t get up right now I’m ripping the blankets off you.” Gon stands up off the bed and walks onto the linoleum to where the edge of the mattress was. Specifically, the side that has Kil.  
“Noooo.” Kils outline curls into a ball.  
“Get ready!” Gon grips the blankets and rips, managing to get them all off in one single tug. Kil just flops over onto his back, arms and legs splayed out, eyes half open glaring at Gon.  
“You monster.”  
“Good morning, coriño!” Gon smiles brightly at the seething Kil.  
“Oh fuck off.” Kil sits up and runs a hand down his face then through his hair before standing up and walking past Gon. Gon follows Kil into the kitchen.  
“Is breakfast really just saltines?”   
“Uhm,” Kil throws open his cabinets, finding nothing but dust and empty boxes. That is, until he finds all of the Pop Tarts boxes. He picks them all up, testing the weight, before pulling a single foil package from inside one. He crushes the box and throws it in the cabinet before laying the pack on the counter in front of Gon. “For you, my love.” Kil bows.  
“Wow, thank you, I am honored.” Gon opens the the thing.  
“Mhm, yes.” Kil does grab down the box of off-brand saltines for himself, though, as well as a cig and a light. He holds the tube of crackers and everything in one hand and takes a living room lawn chair to the window. He cracks the window open and sits down heavily.

“Now what?” Gon is on PopTart number two, having ate the first one very fast due to lack of dinner.  
“I sit here and wait for you to get ready, and then when you are we get in the car and drive _safely_ to the hotel, and then the center, and then I come back here and fuck around. Probably nap, if I’m being honest.” Kil taps on his phone until Dreaming of You by Cigarettes After Sex plays faintly, kind of ironic as he lights his own.  
“You gotta quit that.” Gon makes a face like a concerned mom, like he had a cardigan he just wrapped around himself.  
“One destructive behavior, please.”  
“All of you behaviors are destructive.” Kil pauses, thinking.  
“Oh shit.”  
“Mhm.” Gon takes his clothes off the counter and turns back into Kils room to get to the bathroom.  
“Pfft, look at your neck in the mirror.” Kil takes a drag and smirks at Gon, the smoke forming a crown that floats into a halo.  
“Oh my god I swear-“ Gons voice fades as he walks fast to the bathroom that houses the only mirror. “Kil! What do I do!?” Gon is shouting, getting more frustrated when he hears Kils distant laughs. Gon can hear Kil get up and come over to him, poking his head in the bathroom to see Gon tilting his head in the mirror, looking at two marks Kil had left.  
“Hmm. Rough night?”  
“Killlllll.”  
“Ok, ok. I don’t have anything to cover them so I’d say get something to distract.”  
“I- What? Distract?” Gons face is covered in worry.  
“Hey, calm down, just like, think of something that would distract you.”  
“Everything distracts me.” Gon turns from the mirror back to Kil again, his voice exasperated. Gons hopeless, until he notices the black ringing Kils eyes.  
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Gon smiles at Kil, mischievous.  
“Do eyeliner on me.”  
“Holy fuck that’s genius yeah yeah. Sit.” Kil points at the bathroom sink edge, one foot of space for Kil to stand between Gons legs and do it for him. Kil picks up a black pencil from where he had it against the wall so it wouldn’t roll away.  
“So, like, how do you even do this on someone else?” Gon watches Kil sharpen the pencil over the sink, their shoulders pressed together to fit into the space.

**Killua... 7:16am**

_How do I do this?_  
“I’m pretty sure you ignore how much it’ll probably hurt and just let me do whatever.” Killua checks the tip of the pencil.  
“Oh this is gonna hurt?” Gon sounds shocked.  
“Well yeah, duh. This is like basically going into your eye.” Killua holds up the sharpened eyeliner pencil. Gon stares at it with wide eyes.  
“Too late to back out?”  
“Yeah, prepare yourself.” Killua steps between Gons legs, looking at his eyes, confused on where to start. Gon looks equally as confused with a bonus edge of fear.  
“So, uh, what do I do with my hands?”  
“I dunno they’re your hands do whatever seems best.” Killua almost regrets saying that. Almost. Mostly because Gon has decided that his hands are most comfortable resting on Killua’s waist.  
_Wow. Not only is that a weird way to be comfortable but it is just so oddly intimate. It’s like he’s trying to bring what happened last night into today. I can’t tell if he’s doing it on purpose or just really thinks this is most comfortable. God, that’s not even the worst part, I literally want last night to happen again. And again and again and again until we get bored and instead of splitting up we amp up and fuck, I’ve never felt this way before. How do I even put it into words?_  
Killua is snapped out of thought. “Are you ok? Are my hands wr-“  
“I’m fine, your hands are fine. Just, like, look up.” Killua uses a hand along Gons jaw to hold his head still, the other hand rests on Gons face. “Deep breath, this’ll hurt.” Killua hears Gon take a breath and hold it as he traces along Gons waterline. The hands oddly placed on his waist constrict, an outlet for the pain. Killua pulls his one hand off Gons face, leaving the one on his jawline. He taps his thumb along the stripe of black so it smudges slightly.  
“And?”  
“Fuck, you’re way too powerful now.” Killua is gazing at Gon, cheeks pink. Gon smiles.  
“Ok then do the other eye hurry hurry.”  
“Shit ok chill out please.” Killua has to lay his arm across Gons whole face now. He feels the grip on his body as he drags the tip in and across Gons eye. Killua taps the line again, looking over at the other so it’s even. “Ok there, you’re...” Killua’s voice trails off while looking at Gon as a whole, seeing how the eyeliner is a very good distraction. Gon doesn’t say anything, he just pulls Killua closer, until they’re nose to nose. Neither dare breathe, just starting into each others eyes. Killua takes it upon himself to close the gap. They don’t wait to start getting heated like the previous time they were like this, no no, it’s only a few seconds before Killua has to reach forward behind Gon and place his hand against the wall for stability. Gon has wrapped his legs around Killua and moved one of his hands from Killua’s waist into his hair, pulling him even closer. The music playing from Killua’s phone changes to Touch by Cigarettes After Sex, ironic once again, but fitting the vibe easily.

 _It’s leading me on, every time we touch_  
A breath escapes Gons lips before the sound is muffled by Killua’s own lips against his.  
 _Leading me on, every time it hurts_  
Killua’s hand presses into Gons back, their chests meet, yet they want to get even closer.  
 _Feeling so lonely, ‘cause it’s not enough_  
Their heart rates speed and sync, their movements flow easier with the “practice” of last night.  
 _Missin’ you only ever since we fell in love_  
Killua bends the arm that’s supporting them, causing Killua to lean even deeper into Gon. Gon doesn’t move, their bodies are flush against eachother. A vibrating phone ruins the moment. Kurapika had called Gon. Killua only pulls his mouth off of Gons when he slides his phone off of the counter and answers. Their position is the same, intermixed art piece as it was before while Gon is on the phone with Kurapika.

“ _Hey you guys better be awake and leaving in five minutes or we’re fucked.”_ Killua can barely hear Kurapikas voice through Gons phone.  
“Uh, yeah, yeah. We’re uh- We’re just leaving now. Right, Kil?” Gon looks at Killua, their proximity making the eye contact awkward.  
“Yeah, just gotta get my keys.” _It would be so easy to make this call so much fun._  
“ _Hurry_ ,” Killua kisses Gon while Kurapika talks. “ _We’re all ready.”_ Killua pulls away from the shell shocked Gon to answer.  
“Wait in the parking lot or lobby, somewhere you can see us pull up.” Killua locks his lips onto Gons again.  
_“Hold on, Kil, did you take Gons phone?”_ Gon backs away this time.  
“No, I’m right here.”  
_“Are you on speaker then?”_  
“No,” Killua answers this time.   
_“How come your both like right there on the phone- no.”_ Kurapika seems to have realized.  
“What?” Gon doesn’t seem to understand their situation at the moment.  
“ _Has my call.. interrupted something?”_  
“What ever do you mean, Kurapika?” Killua adds an offended tone to his voice.  
 _“Not even going to elaborate, you are disgusting. Just, hurry. We’ll be in the lobby. Bye.”_  
“Bye,” Killua and Gon answer simultaneously.

“Oh my god, Kil, What was that?” Gon looks fearful.  
“I don’t know what you mean.” Killua leans into Gon again, they meet for a second before Gon pulls away.  
“Ok, we actually have to go now.”  
“Seriously? What time is it?” Gon checks his phone   
“Seven twenty-three. We do have to hurry.”  
“Fuck. One sec, gonna grab a hoodie. Get your shoes.” Killua walks quickly out of the bathroom and grabs a navy blue hoodie from his pile of clean clothes and taps out the cigarette he left burning on the windowsill. 

“It’s so weird waking up early and seeing the sunrise and not staying up and seeing the sunrise.” Killua slams the car door shut behind him then reaches to the cupholders to slide his phone into its stand. The Bluetooth system automatically connects to his phone, all Killua needs to do is press the shuffle button and they’re good to go.  
“I’m the opposite. If I stay up late enough to see the sunrise I feel, like, icky. Like, you know that feeling? Just? Bad? Like you wake up from a weird dream and can’t shake that feeling? And it’s not an easy descriptive word like ‘bad’ or ‘uncomfortable’, just, odd.” Gon get sidetracked and rambles.  
“Uhm,” Killua starts the car and jolts the stick into R. “No, not really. All of my dreams suck and make me wake up all scared and shit.” Killua turns his whole body to back out, his car not having one of those cameras. Even if it did, Killua wouldn’t use it.   
Gon looks slightly dejected. “Oh. Guess I sound pretty weird now, huh?”  
“Nah, it’s me that’s the weird one.”  
“Yeah, ok, sure.” Gon smiles, Killua does too. 

The freeway isn’t as crowded as the day before, Killua can easily swing out of the parking lot and onto the road. The asphalt is cracked with divots that make a car vibrate when driven over. Other cars slow down and go around them or just slow down and go over and speed up again, but not Killua. In the moment having forgot Gons story, he guns it over a pothole, his car shaking with the force. Gon immediately grabs onto a handle and his leg starts bouncing.  
“Oh shit, sorry, force of habit.” Killua’s voice is threaded with guilt, he reaches over and puts a hand on Gons leg to ease the bounce, even smoothing his thumb over denim in a form of comfort. Gons leg does stop bouncing, his facial features smoothing out again.  
“It’s fine,” Gon places his hand over Killua’s. “Sorry for freaking out a bit.”  
“Don’t apologize.”  
“S-“ Gon gets cut off.  
“No, don’t.” Killua takes his hand off of Gons thigh to pull into the hotel lot, having to use both hands to turn the wheel right and not hit one of the many cars driving around. “Those fuckers better hurry.”  
“Kil, we’ve been here for literally two seconds, chill.”  
“No chill, I woke up early for this.” Killua leans forward to the cars panel to turn up the music, the bass beat of In My Feels by Lana Del Ray shakes the car.  
“Why so loud?” Gon raises his voice to be heard over the song.  
“‘Cause it fucking slaps? Duh,” Killua has to shout too. Soon, their friends are running out of the lobby and into Killua’s back seats.  
“It’s too early for Lana.” Zushi is the first to talk.  
“Never too early for Lana.” Killua starts to pull out again before Palm even has the door shut.  
“Holy shit hold on or I’m gonna fall out.”   
“A shame.” Kurapika says next to Palm, they would let her fall out.  
“I feel like you would stop me from falling just so you could kill me yourself.” Palm directs this towards Kurapika.  
“Honestly yeah, I would.”  
“You guys are so toxic,” Ikagalo pipes up.  
“We could always tie you to the roof instead of being nice and letting you sit on my lap.” Zushis voice has a tone of annoyance.  
“What? You gonna dress me up like a Christmas tree and drive around?”   
“If we have the right drug, then yeah.” Palm is still holding onto the door handle.  
“I have connections.” Kurapika looks to the side at a scared Ikagalo.  
“I killed my connections.” Killua swipes his hand over the turn signal.  
“Why are you all like this?” Zushi is exasperated, and rightfully so.  
The car ride remains mostly silent except for Gon talking about random stuff. Because Gon was the only one used to being up early he was the one telling Killua to turn left or right or brake from a car that ignored a light, everyone else was falling asleep or spaced out. Even Killua was taking a break from the rock and kept softer, more bedroom-pop music on. In My Head by Bedroom was playing by the time Killua pulled into a parking spot with the help of Gon saying “A little bit farther, like two inches. Little more, little more- there!” Killua lays on the horn to wake everyone out of their heads.  
Palm jumped awake. “Yo what the fuck?”  
“I don’t wanna go. I wanna sleep.” Zushi bangs his head off of the window.  
“I literally don’t give a shit. Now get out so I can go home and sleep.” Killua honks the horn again.  
“Bye, Thanks.” Gon unbuckles his seatbelt. A chorus of “bye” and “thanks” follow him as the rest get out. Killua barely lets Ikalgo close the door and walk away before pulling out again, he never even bothered to turn the car off. 

The drive home was peaceful and thoughtless. Cars sped by, stop lights flickered, neon Open signs were just being flicked on. The sun was almost all the way up the horizon, shadows of trees lengthening. The pink of the sunrise gives way to blue, power lines shining in their new light. _I want it to rain. I need to go grocery shopping, too. Laundry? It feels like all I do is laundry. Turn signal. Maybe I’ll go on the roof. No the roof sucks on a day like this, wait ‘til it’s cloudy or nighttime. God, I really hate sunny days, this shit sucks. Turn left. Far right spot. Maybe I’ll organize. I don’t even have anything to organize, actually. I’ll just get groceries._ Killua stops the car and gets out, slamming the door shut behind him. The car flashes and beeps as he locks it and walks away. _After I take a fat fucking nap._

**Gon... 8:21am**

_Panel started twenty minutes ago, it’s hard having to act all cheery and energetic when I feel like I’m gonna fall over. I wonder what Kil is doing, probably sleeping. I wish I was there with him. What I’d give to be in his arms right now, even if his music sucks sometimes. Most of the times it’s ok, but I like the radio better. Maybe I’ll start listening to his music, I bet I’ll see deeper into his mind or something if I do. I really wanna know the whole story behind that scar-_ Gons thoughts were interrupted.  
“Hey! Earth to Gon! Wake the fuck up!” Palm was waving her hand in Gons face.   
“Huh? What?” Gon yawns.  
“You gonna tell us what’s up with the eyeliner?” Ikalgos starting the interrogation easy.  
“Oh? I asked Kil to do it, pretty sure I asked before we even met in I-r-l.”  
“Ok... so then, what’s up with your neck?” Gons eyes widen and he stills. “I’m sure Kil did that, too.”   
“Hah, yeah,” Gon swallows nervously. “Uhm, yeah.”  
“We left you two alone for a _minute_ , and this is what happens.” Kurapika is leaning on their hand.  
“You don’t need to be our babysitter,” Gon was sweating under the lights and all of the questions.  
“Can’t wait to grill Kil later.” Zushi rubbed his hands together like a villain in a movie.  
“Oh! I’m pretty sure that’s when Kil is giving you all the stick n pokes.”  
“Hell Yeah, I was too nervous to ask him.” Ikagalo is the first to answer.   
“Yeah, he’s kinda scary not gonna lie.” Palm tapped her fingers on the table in front of them.   
“He’ll be even scarier with a needle to your face.” Kurapika smirks at her, leaning back in their chair.  
“Please that just gave me chills in the bad way.” Palm took her hand off the table and rubbed them along her arms.  
“Wait, so that means we can’t grill Kil later?” Zushis expression dropped.  
“I mean we could, but it could be dangerous cause he could like draw a dick on you and it’ll be there forever.” Ikalgo answers.   
“So what I’m hearing is we call Kil now and annoy him while he’s trying to sleep?”   
“Make Gon call him, Kil wouldn’t answer us.” Palm adds. They all turn to look at Gon.  
“What? No! I’m not gonna call him!” Gon waves his hands and raises his voice.  
“Get his fucking phone.” Kurapika lunges toward Gon, somehow swiping the phone right out of his hoodie pocket.   
“Password?”   
“No password.” Gon looks down at his feet dejectedly.  
“Dumbass.” Ikalgo says next to him. Kurapika taps around on Gons phone until they find Kils name in his phone app. Kurapika hits the call button and puts it on speaker, then places Gons phone in the center of the table.

“Hello?” Kils voice is raspy and annoyed.  
“Hey! So we have some questions for you,” Kurapika talks first in a sickly sweet voice.  
“Can it wait?”  
“No.” 

**Killua... 8:23am**

_Really fucking hate this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is off topic skip reading this is you want. I have a proposal/idea. So I was listening to music and got a coke with coffee ad, heard the words “...whether it be running a department...” and had a revelation, I’m talking touched by god himself. KilluaxGon Business Empire au. So like the Zoldycks run this really shitty but really rich business that does some shady shit and Killua actively tried to overthrow it from the inside. Gon goes into the business as Killua’s new assistant cause Ging was silenced by The Zoldycks And was forced to move super far away. So Killua is this super laid back business dude who’s really close with all of his assistants and is like the Bad Audio Killua exactly he’ll just be like, softer. In business au Gon will definitely be a lot more sinister, sorta mean and cold. They’ll be like 25/26. My Killua head canon stays stagnant so there won’t be a big change. Picture big city, apartment with big windows, skyscrapers, the whole shabang. This is just a lot of rambling but it’s a lot clearer in my head. Lmk if that’s smth you’d wanna see when this is over


	12. “It’s only sex”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck feelings. And haikus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The snow has melted. It’s been 3 days, the snow is back. I hate winter.

**Gon... 8:23am**

“No! Kil it’s fine! Really! You can-“ Gon starts shouting at his phone.  
“No Gon, it is not fine, we need the answers and I’m not gonna wait for a needle-“ Kurapika gets cut off by Kil.  
_“Ask one single question now before I hang up.”_  
“Ok so what’s up with Gons-“  
“Pika!”  
“Do not interrupt me-“  
 _“Three seconds then I’m out.”_  
“Gons neck? Thoughts? Feelings?” The final question has shut Gon up. Silence follows, crickets even. After six very long seconds, Kil answers.  
_“Wow would you look at the time! I have to tuck the kids into bed-“_  
Ikalgo cuts off Kil, “You don’t have kids, you don’t even have food-“  
_“It’s really getting late I should water the plants out front-“_  
Palms turn, “Out front? You live in an apartment-“  
_“I have to pay rent! Right now! Don’t want to get evicted again-“_  
“Again?” Gon seems to have forgotten the question.  
“Can we get back to the question?” Kurapika tries to butt in.  
_“Long story, funny actually, so-“_  
“For fucks sake just tell us if you and Gon boned!” Kurapika raises their voice to be heard over all of Kils excuses.   
“We didn’t!” Gon answers first.  
_“Sadly,”_ Kils voice has dropped its old volume. 

“Sadly!?” Gons voice is hoarse.  
“Sadly?” Kurapika takes over in a calmer tone.  
_“I said what I said. Can I go now?”_  
“No no no-“ Gon stammers.  
_“Gon you were begging me to leave like a minute ago,”_  
“After you said ‘begging me to’ I thought this conversation was going to go somewhere else-“ Zushi takes his own moment.  
_“It probably would’ve if Gon hadn’t killed the vibe,“_  
“I guess I’m bad at pillow talk?” Gon shrugs and makes a face.  
_“Yeah, normally you don’t talk about childhood trauma while getting dicked down-“_  
“Woah woah woah, you dicked down Frog?” Kurapika takes the conversation again.  
_“I was about to-“_ Gon cuts him short.  
“You were about to?! We literally just met-“  
_“Chill, it’s only sex.”_ A lull in the conversational flow follows.  
“Oh yikes,” Palm makes a face like she had something sour.  
“So you’re one of those guys, huh?” Zushi says.  
_“What did I do? What did I say?”_  
“Oh I dunno maybe ‘Its only sex’?” Ikalgo ends in a yell.  
_“What? Thats a bad thing? How is that bad?”_  
“‘Cause S-E-X is like really super important and like intimate to some people and like-“ Kil cuts Gon off from explaining any further.  
“Sex isn’t intimate, it’s sex. Intimacy is, like, brunch. It’s all that bullshit hallmark stuff. Sex is meaningless, that’s what makes it fun.”  
“Hold on. So to you, sex is meaningless, but getting a coffee and walking around is important?” Palm leans forward into the table.  
“ _Yeah_ ,”  
“So that was all-“ Gon swallows, “everything that.. _happened_.. is meaningless?” His voice is small, far away, but somehow the loudest in the room. The air changes, the conversation having gotten too personal for comfort for anyone around. No one says anything  
_“We can talk later, ‘Kay?”_ Kil seems to have softened his voice but not to the painful level of Gons.   
“Yeah. Yeah, later.” Gon just stares at his phone screen on the table, at the seconds ticking up beneath Kils name. Gon crosses his arms and sinks down into the chair, really hating the fact his entire fan base had to see that, that those words were a very public conversation and not a very private one.   
“Cya,” Everyone says bye carefully, like it wasn’t their place. Gons phone screen goes back to Kils contact. With shakey hands, Gon reaches out to the table and takes his phone, putting it back into his pocket. Not even Kurapika stops him.  
“So can we talk about how Kil is the literal definition of male manipulator? Any takers?” Palm starts the conversation back up.  
Zushi looks over at Gon, he looks like a husk of what he once was. “Ah, no. No. Let’s not talk about Kil right now.”  
Ikalgo catches on, “They’re releasing a new season of Fortnite soon. Any guesses on what the new theme’ll be?”  
“There are 20 seasons, what hasn’t already been done?” Kurapika adds.  
“Ask your boyfriend, he probably manufactured fortnite.” Ikalgo smirks.  
“Leorio is not my boyfriend-“  
“Woah hey, I never said Leorio.” Ikagalos smirk widens.  
“Oh go die,” Kurapika scowls at him.

**Killua... 8:30am**

_Definitely not gonna get back to sleep now. God. What the hell have I done? I just ruined everything in the span of three minutes. Just three words, and everything is a fucking mess. How do I manage to mess up so badly? That was the literal first time ever I’ve felt like that for a person, ever. And now? Now he probably won’t even look at me, now the whole world thinks I’m a total asshole, now I’m royally fucked. This is it. No big house together, no road trips, no movie nights no dinners no coffees no walks in the fucking sunset. Fuck. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!_  
“Fuck!” Killua puts his fist through the wall, channeling the energy of a greasy kid named Kyle. He’s breathing heavy, palms sweaty and knuckles torn and throbbing. Blood drips down from split skin to his wrist, the drop shining in the morning light. Then, his phone buzzes, a text from Ikagalo. 

IKAGALO: ??  
IKAGALO: gon isn’t ok rn but you know that   
IKAGALO: what i wanna know is  
KIL: why im the dumbest bitch ever? me too  
IKAGALO: are you ok??  
IKAGALO: yeah that too  
KIL: you wanna know how fucking ok i am?  
IKAGALO: yes that’s why i asked  
KIL: i punched a wall. look how far ive fallen.  
IKAGALO: oh my god  
KIL: i am sitting in a pile of drywall dust  
KIL: watching myself bleed  
IKAGALO: you bleed a lot  
KIL: weird  
IKAGALO: have just told the others what you have done and what you are currently doing  
KIL: oh god they hate me  
KIL: you hate me  
KIL: hurry and block me before you’re cancelled too  
IKAGALO: ??  
IKAGALO: you’re not cancelled  
IKAGALO: no ones even that mad. its gon that’s fucked  
KIL: what   
IKAGALO: no one gives a shit because you are sexy mystery man with unknown emotional baggage  
KIL: baggage is gonna stay unknown  
KIL: no feds on my ass in this country   
IKAGALO: starting to think that you’re not joking about that  
KIL: \:  
KIL: picking you all up in the spot at 11?  
IKAGALO: yeah   
KIL: gonna be a pretty bad drive  
KIL: an insufferable five minutes  
IKAGALO: I cannot wait to be held by zushi   
KIL: satire or?  
IKAGALO: or   
KIL: hm   
KIL: ok?  
IKAGALO: yeah so long story short no one is mad at you they all (meaning fan base) just think you’re pretty metal, gon shed a single tear during break, and you’re picking us up at 11  
KIL: why did gon cry??  
IKAGALO: you daft bitch  
KIL: what   
IKAGALO: …  
KIL: ??  
KIL: ohhh  
KIL: oh  
IKAGALO: you two are gonna have to have a long talk  
KIL: im bad at that  
KIL: so bad  
KIL: so many stories i can’t tell cause of the feds thing  
IKAGALO: get arrested for me??👉👈  
KIL: yuck  
KIL: leave  
IKAGALO: ok ok

Killua shuts off his phone and places it back on the floor, staring into his reflection in the black screen. _Well, now I just gotta figure out how I feel and put it into words. I feel... like.. shit. Yeah but, like, that isn’t how I feel feel. Do I get a piece of paper? Write it in calligraphy? Maybe in verses? A haiku, even. Nah, haikus suck ass. Fuck haikus. How did I get on the topic of haikus? Ok, ok. How do I feel? I feel.. betrayed? By my own self? Nah. I feel, I feel a lot. A lot of things that I don’t know how to put into words because it’s new to me, and I hate that I can’t clarify. I feel bad. I feel bad because I’m hurting him, I’m hurting him and he’s the last person I want to hurt right now. I don’t want to hurt Gon. I feel really bad. So bad. I feel bad because with him it wasn’t meaningless. It means so much, and I’ve never known, that like, physical intimacy could feel that way. I guess I could phrase that as scared. I’m scared because I don’t know what feeling this way will do to me. I’m scared because it’s new and I dont have control over this feeling, I’m used to having control, I need to be able to control it. I’m scared. I’m scared of not being in control. I’m scared of loosing myself in another person because I just, I just can’t control how I feel. It wasn’t meaningless. It never was, and never will be, because I can feel it and I know there is so much meaning that I’m drowning in it. I can’t even breathe around him. It’s like I’m drowning in feelings feelings feelings feelings. Feelings. I don’t even know what they are. This is the most painful thought process. This clarified nothing. All I know is that I feel bad, I’m scared, and I don’t know what feelings are, and that that night wasn’t meaningless and I don’t know what words of meaning to attach to it- wait. I’ve figured it out. If I just say it wasn’t meaningless then it just does the work for me. I don’t have to add any fancy words, just say that there was something, meaning, and I’m good, in the clear. Whoop. Well, if Gon asks any questions on how I feel I’m fucked, but for now I should just tell him that. In person, of course, it won’t be deep enough over text._  
Killua runs a hand over his face and lays back onto his mattress, breath escaping his lungs on impact. His thoughts are still racing, poetry verses rising in his vision, romantic scenes of rain and roses accompanied by deep feelings flood his senses. He settles on throwing on some music and shoes to go grocery shopping, the list for his stuff in his notes app. All Killua can do is pray to not run into any day shift workers he might know, day shift has all the drama. From the three times he had to work a day shift he was overwhelmed with the hierarchy and popularity system. The night shift workers are nothing like the day shift. Night just does their job with little to no communication and leave one at a time to prevent crashes. Day shift, though, rivals Jersey Shore.  
The Walmart was nearly empty when Killua got there, no workers or costumers in sight. He vowed to himself to be as quick as possible just in case. In, out, 25 minuets. He knows where everything is and what he needs, should be easy. Weaving in between aisles, phone unlocked and open, wires hanging from it. He has the list organized so it’s all the things he needs from one aisle and then the next, so on and so forth. Nothing from the bakery or deli though, no where where he would have to see a worker of some sort, routes already planned to avoid the back room doors. No one even works on a Sunday morning anyway, it’s safe. The aisles are all relatively clear, maybe a person or two in every other aisle. Shopping is quick, just price comparisons and a quick break in the candle section cause hey, we all have weak moments. However, he gets a couple tweets asking if he’s in the downtown Walmart, the “hood” one. The fear of being recognized- that Killua didn’t take into account before- makes him grab a pair of big and thick sunglasses and throw up his hood. With fast hands Killua scans his groceries and candle at the self checkout and has five bags on each arm, hands going tingly due to loss of circulation. Killua doesn’t realize he forgot to scan the sunglasses until he phone auto connects to his car. He drives away anyway. 

**Gon... 10:40am**

“Hey someone call Kil so we know that fucker is awake and won’t forget us.” Zushi swipes a finger up his screen then slides his phone in his pocket.  
“Not me,” Gon is first to answer. No one else says a word, but in time Ikagalo has his phone to his ear.  
“Yo, wake the fuck up.”   
Kil can faintly be heard from the phone. _“Oh? So you think I’m able to sleep at this point?”_   
“I don’t care, just get your ass in a car and come get us.” Ikagalos voice has a twinge of anger.  
_“Yikes ok getting up now. Be there in like 15 I think.”_  
“Ok, we’re waiting by the door right in-front of of the parking spot thing.”  
_“Got it. Bye.”_ The audio on Kils end indicates he’s up and moving.  
“Bye,” The screen on Ikagalos phone goes back to what it was.   
Kurapika is tapping their foot, having turned off their phone too. “So how awkward is this gonna be?”  
“It wouldn’t be awkward if you haven’t said anything.” Gon shoots a sour look in their direction.  
“Fair but, like, I had to.”  
“I think there would’ve been questions anyway, Kurapika just went first.” Palm kicks a pebble at Zushis shin.   
“You tryna fight, greasy?” Zushi glares at her.  
“Fighting you would get me in jail for child abuse.” Palms tone is devoid of emotion, successfully countering Zushi.  
“I hate you.” He kicks the pebble back at Palm, then Palm kicks it again, and Zushi hits it back. Soon, they’re not talking and just kicking a pebble back and forth.  
“Move over. Get me in on this shit.” Ikagalo steps near them, the pebble now being kicked in a triangle shape. Gon tosses in a second pebble, watching them adapt to now having two instead of one to keep moving. The scene looks similar to an experiment that would be done on monkeys and then put into a discovery channel show.  
“I swear I’m gonna fall and break my face.” Zushi has to lunge a little to get a pebble.  
“That would make great content, though. ‘Sushi almost dies! Caught on camera! Not clickbait!’” Palm pitches up her voice and adds the energy of a commercial guy selling some super high-tech plastic egg cooker. A pebble skids across asphalt.  
“You would photoshop me into a hospital bed and make it the thumbnail.”   
“Honestly Yeah, I would.” Palm kicks a pebble to Ikagalo at the same time Zushi does.  
“Ah, fuck, I’ve been gangbanged.” They all pause.  
“I’m sorry,” Kurapika is the first to speak up. “You’ve been what?”  
“Y’know, based on these lovely reactions, I’m guessing I used that word wrong. It’s a new word, should’ve googled it before hand.” Ikagalo angles his head down and puts his hands up in a surrender.  
“No no, don’t google-“ Palms warning is cut off by the sound of Gons Siri and his voice.  
“Hey Siri, what is a gangbang?” Gons entire face falls when he looks down at his phone with the robotic voice of Siri reading to him. He promptly just turns off his phone and puts it back in his pocket, staring blankly into nothingness. Everyone else is doubled over and cackling. Soon, they’re interrupted by a fastly approaching black car followed by loud music. They watch as Kil swings into the spot and the music gets lower by a bit, the clicks of unlocking doors barely audible. Everyone piles in, Gon takes the front seat again, much to everyone’s surprise. Their expressions of shock quickly smothered as Kil kicks the car back into a drive and does just that out of the lot and onto the freeway. My Immortal by Evanescence finishes up in time for Unrequited Love (and other clichés) by Breakup Shoes to start, ironically, kinda.   
Gons eyes are drawn towards the split knuckles on Kils right hand, obvious that the cuts are relatively fresh. He gets out his phone.

GON TO ZUSHI  
GON: Hey look  
GON: Right hand  
ZUSHI: ouch   
GON: Why is it attractive?   
GON: Aren’t I supposed to be mad?

Gon can hear Zushi and Ikagalo choke down laughs from the backseat, then he hears Zushi move to show Kurapika and Palm.

GON: Not funny:[  
ZUSHI: very funny  
ZUSHI: its what we all need back here. the tension in the air makes it hard to breathe  
GON: No need for that!! I already know what I’m gonna say when you all get out and we go back to the sketchy apartment!!  
ZUSHI: wait woah  
ZUSHI: you’re actually going back with him? we all thought it was a joke when you said you would, just assumed you would come with us in the hotel  
GON: Well yeah. Not gonna talk it out over call  
ZUSHI: a brave man, you are, just know you will give poor kil a heart attack when you don’t get out  
GON: Should be fun!!

Kil pulls up and stops in front of the main hotel entrance, unlocking all of the doors, that includes the shotgun seat. They all say their “goodbyes” and “thank yous”, closing doors and running into the lobby. Gon, however, doesn’t move. He stays, and waits for Kil to start driving again. He watches as Kil spares him a glance and starts moving. _Now or never._  
“Let’s bake cookies-“ Gon says at...  
“It wasn’t meaningless-“ ... the same time as Kil. “Bake cookies? What the fuck?” Kil doesn’t pause, trying to cover his words with more words.  
“‘Cause you said hallmark stuff has meaning, so like, that’s basic hallmark. Did you say it wasn’t meaningless?” Gon talks fast for the first sentence, slowing down and getting louder on the second.   
“I wasn’t expecting you to dive right into baking if I’m being honest, I was waiting for more of like a Starbucks and mingling or someth-“ Kil is cut off.  
“Did you say it wasn’t meaningless?” Gon asks again, backing his voice with more volume and vigor.  
Kil pauses, almost like he wasn’t expecting Gon to ask anything. “Uhm, I uh- Yeah. Yeah, I did. Because it wasn’t meaningless,” Kil makes a sharp turn, “It wasn’t meaningless and that’s what freaks me out because I’m used to it just being meaningless and I just I-“ Gon starts speaking.  
“Hey, calm down, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself right away, give it time.” Gon offers his reassurance to Kils shaken and panicked voice. Gon himself is still shaken from Kils confession.   
“I’m serious, though. Like, with you it wasn’t meaningless-“  
“Ok then let’s build on that! Let’s go crash carts together in a K-Mart parking lot!”  
“I prefer Walmart but if you say so,” Kil says as their easy banter returns. “Wait hold on. I did get cookie dough to just eat today ‘cause I saw it and grabbed it. No thoughts. Head empty. Just the cookie dough.”  
“So we can actually bake cookies?” Gon asks.  
“Not from scratch, but yeah.” Gon whoops and turns up the song that Kil had turned down so they could have that very brief conversation. High Enough by Damn Yankees blares their eardrums, Gon even singing along in that one part became it was a song he knew from his aunt. Kil takes his turns carefully and keeps at the set speed limit, relishing in the way this is the first time Gon has ever looked relaxed in his car.

GON TO ZUSHI  
GON: All good!👍  
ZUSHI: that took like two seconds  
ZUSHI: anymore details?  
GON: We are baking cookies now! Or at least trying to!  
ZUSHI: oh god

**Killua... 11:26am**

“Oh hey check it,” Killua says and locks the apartment door behind him. He picks something up off of the counter. “I bought a candle.” His voice sounds wistful, different from the steely or sarcastic tone it normally is. His eyes are wide with wonder.  
“A candle? What is it?” Gon slips off his shoes.  
“It’s a candle? You already know that-“  
“No dummy, what does it smell like?” Killua flips the candle so he can read the front.  
“Ahem,” He smooths his voice to sound like a very off brand Morgan freeman. “Enjoy the aroma of Midnight Moon. A soothing and romantic fragrance of coconut palm and plumeria, enlightened by the soft glow of fresh vanilla blooms.” Killua looks up from the candle and smiles crookedly.  
“So just, coconut and vanilla?” Gon asks blankly.  
“Yeah, don’t take away the wonder though.” Killua sets the candle back down.   
“Oh, I’m sorry, so it’s coconut palm enlightened by fresh vanilla blooms?” Gon takes on the same sophisticated voice that Killua did.  
“I don’t even know what coconut palm is, I don’t even know what vanilla blooms are or how they can be fresh. Like, what the fuck?” Killua throws up his hands in exasperation. Gon pads over and takes the candle, sniffing it.  
“Better than what I was expecting, kinda.” He puts it back on the counter. They both stare into the velvety blue depths of the candle.  
“Glad you like it, darling.” Killua smirks at the semi-red Gon and grabs the cookie dough from a now half stocked fridge.   
“Do you have any pans?” Gon asks while opening all of Killua’s now half stocked cupboards and then his oven, not finding any pans.  
“Uhh, actually? I do not.” Killua rolls the tube of cookie dough on his counter.  
“That’s ok, we can just use cardboard or something.” Gon closes the final cupboard and smiles over at Killua.  
Killua leans into his hand. “Do you not know what happens when you put cardboard in an oven?”  
“No? What happens?”  
“Gon, it’s cardboard, it catches on fire.”   
“I didn’t know that. How do _you_ know that?”  
“I went to put a frozen pizza in the oven one day and didn’t take it off of the cardboard it comes in. It was a rough day.” Killua gazes off in the distance like he was telling a horrific war story.  
“Wow. Thank you for that story of bravery, loss of of loved one can be hard.” Killua looks confused at first before catching onto Gons joke.  
“Sorry that I make oven-fire stories dramatic.”  
“You didn’t make it dramatic enough. Kill off the supporting cast next time.”  
“I am appalled you approve of murder.” Killua rests a hand on his chest, imitating a southern housewife.  
“Sometimes murder is the only option.” Gon stares Killua in the eyes. Killua maintains the eye contact while he removes the plastic knives from a drawer.  
“Just in case,” He looks deeper into Gons eyes. _“Just in case.”_  
“I would never kill you, you’re too pretty too die.” Gon smiles and acts like his words aren’t vaguely threatening.  
“I hope that isn’t the only reason. Preheat the oven to 375, thanks.”

“I think we burnt them.” Gon looks solemnly at the plate of black cookies.  
“They’re fine, just a little crispy.” Killua taps one against the counter, Gon feels him move from where their shoulders are pressed together. “Ok yeah these can go to the birds.”  
“Can you give birds burnt cookies?” Gon turns to watch Killua carry the plate to the window.  
“I am not entirely sure, but I will anyway.” Killua opens the window and dumps the cookies into the very small ledge, the plate not fitting.  
“When is your panel?” Gon has gotten bored of the old topic.  
“Isn’t it five? I feel like it’s five.”   
“So we have a lot of time?” Gons expression seems to suggest something, but Killua isn’t looking in his direction.  
“Yeah, we can nap or something.” Killua wipes off his counter. Gon walks up behind him, snaking his arms around Killua’s waist and burying his face in Killua’s neck.  
“I’m guessing we’re gonna be doing something a little more physical than a nap.” Killua deepens his voice and turns around to be face to face with Gon. Their lips lock, pressing into each other with a passion that wasn’t there before.  
  
**1:06pm**

_I don’t think I’ve ever had sex and felt something from it... until now._

Killua falls asleep in Gons arms, skin against skin.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took kinda long to update this one for some reason! Sorry! Next chapter should be sillies

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading?! that’s weird to say i’m sorry. i really do hope you liked it though but i am not sure if i’ll continue this ahaha. so uh. :p  
> also killua would definitely listen to cigarettes after sex


End file.
